


Pills

by frerardsprincess



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Developing Relationship, Drugs, First Love, First Time, Gay, High School, Hook-Up, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-04 17:30:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 68,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12173496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frerardsprincess/pseuds/frerardsprincess
Summary: Petes been in love with Patrick since 6th grade so when Patrick asks him on a date things get complicated with their messy friends with benefits relationship and Pete abusing prescription pills





	1. Chapter 1

**Pete's POV**

It'll be fine, maybe if I just keep going on with the date and trying to impress Patrick he'll like me. It's obviously a joke that he asked me out because all his friends were laughing but spending a night with one of the hottest guys in school is worth it. My hands are literally acting like they've gotten an electric shock but Patrick's holding my hand and there's no way I'm going to stuff that up even if I have to literally cut my hand off.

Even if it's a joke the idea of spending the entire night with my crush is just too good. It'll make me even more of a loser at school if people find out I actually have a huge crush on this straight popular guy but maybe it'll be worth it. Just one night where I can feel normal and have fun and feel like I might actually be worth Patrick's attention.

He hasn't talked for the last few minutes and I've barely talked all night out of fear of saying something wrong and making him leave so we walk along under the trees in silence.

"Patrick?" "Mhm" "Are you ok?" "Yeah I'm perfect, what do you think?" "You were quiet so I thought something was wrong, that's good though, your perfect" "Oh you think I'm perfect do you?" "You said you were" "But do you think I'm perfect?" "Everyone does, you are perfect"

His blue eyes lock with mine and his hands settle on my waist, making me loose my breath "What time do you have to go home?" "My parents are just happy I'm being social, they'd let me stay out all night" "Mine are out of town and my cousins looking after me so I can stay as long as I want too" "Oh ok" "Can you stay the night?" "Won't we get tired?" "At my house I mean" "Oh, yeah I can do that, if you want me to" "I do" "Won't your babysitter be there?" "She's not a babysitter because I'm not a baby, she'll be there but she's doesn't care" "Ok" "Good, you're coming home with me" "Why do you want me to come over?" "There are things that we can't do in a park that are much more fun in my room, I think you get the idea"

My crush actually just said he wants to have sex with me and my lungs are literally about to cave in from shock. I'll look so stupid if I wake up with him and he kicks me out or if he tells people how lame I am or how desperate I was but who cares. It might be a joke just to embarrass me about the fact I think I'm worthy of having sex with Patrick but if there's even a tiny chance I might get to do it it's worth it, what have I got to loose anyway.

"Are you a virgin?" "Oh um....... No" "Really" "Yeah" "Good, I don't have time to walk you through things" "Have you slept with a guy?" "Yes" "I've never heard about that, usually anyone you sleep with is gossip for ages" "I'm not too public about sleeping with men, I do it more then you think though, sometimes girls just aren't what I need"

It's awkward talking about this considering the fact I'm a giant 16 year old virgin and Patrick's 18 and super experienced but he said he didn't have time for virgins so I'll just pretend. If I suck he'll just think it's because I'm a loser which he already probably thinks I am so he doesn't have to know.

"Come on, we're getting pizza" "Pizza?" "Yes, pizza" "Why?" "Because I'm not cooking and my cousins stupid so unless you want me to pass out in the middle of sex because I'm starving then we need food" "Didn't you eat lunch?" "Yeah but that was hours ago" "You won't pass out" "Obviously you haven't met me, food is important"

We end up outside a pizza place and I wait outside while Patrick goes to buy them. My hands are trembling even worse now because now he'll watch me eat which is always horrifying and I hate eating in front of people and soon I'll be having sex. I should just tell him I'm a virgin so he can go easy on me but he said that's not what he wants and I'd rather have sex that feels like setting stabbed in my asshole then loose this chance. The guy I've been obsessed with since middle school is taking me on a date and offering to fuck me so nothing is making me give this up. I don't care if all his friends are watching or if this doesn't mean anything to him like it does to me or he literally rips me in two because this is my only chance to be with Patrick so I'll do anything for it.

I dig one of my Xanax that I use to calm my anxiety out of my pocket and before Patrick notices anything from inside I take it dry and lean back against the wall. I didn't want to take these before I came because I don't wanna be a drugged up lunatic but they'll stop me being too embarrassing and freaking out about what we're doing so I'll just take them.

Patrick comes out and throws the boxes into my arms but his arm goes around my waist so I let myself be lead towards Patrick's house. My arms sting from holding the boxes all the way here when I'm already weak and shaking from nerves but Patrick doesn't notice and I'm not going to complain and risking annoying him.

When we get there and go inside he throws one box at a girl with pink hair watching The Kardashians on TV then takes me up the stairs to his room. It's still such an awkward situation so I'm hesitant to put the pizza down and sit with him.

Patrick doesn't seem to care about how awkward this is and flops on his back on the bed "Well come on then, I don't bite, not unless it turns you on". His laughs even more gorgeous then I remember so I hand him the pizza and sit cross legged next to him trying not to touch anything in case he only wanted sex and doesn't want someone like me around.

"You like pepperoni right" "Yeah, doesn't everyone" "Well you could be a vegetarian" "I'm not" "Good, otherwise we'd be stuffed". I wanna make a pizza joke about that but that's just too weird and I'm not going to screw things up when I just got to Patrick's bed.

Patrick sits up to eat so I sit a bit behind him so he doesn't really see me eating. It's so awkward when people watch and I've never starved myself or done anything like that but I just hate people watching me eat because it feels personal.

When Patrick's finished half the pizza and I've finished my one slice which is all I can bear to eat in front of him he chucks it on the floor and grabs my hips. "That was good, how about something different to eat now?" "Like ice cream?" "Oh no, something very different"

His eyes fall to my tight jeans that I thought I looked good in and he palms me slowly "You looking fucking hot in these" "R-really?" "Yeah, wear them to school more often" "How do you know I don't?" "Just because you hide doesn't mean I'm blind" "I didn't think you'd notice me" "I notice everything"

I wonder if he's noticed me always watching him and getting jealous at every pretty girl who gets his attention. He probably has, I'm so in love with him and he probably knows that and that's why I'm here. He said he's been with guys before so maybe he just thought I'd be an easy fuck because I'd rather die then say no to him so he can get whatever he wants.

I'm too awkward to talk as he pulls my shirt over my head then his own and starts on my pants "So you into dirty talk or not?" "Yeah" "You gonna talk to me then?" "I don't know what to say" "I thought you'd done this before" "I just don't know what to say, I like the idea of you talking dirty but I suck at this"

I can see Patrick rolling his eyes as his lips trail along my stomach and he gets my pants off "Do you have tighter jeans then this?" "No" "Buy some" "Why?" "Because these aren't even very tight but you look good in them, I can just imagine you in super tight skinny jeans" "I'll get some" "Good boy"

As he pulls my boxers off his lips suck at my aching dick through the fabric making me moan loudly then slap my hand over my mouth. It's so embarrassing and I'm making it obvious I'm a virgin but Patrick slides back up and smiles at me "Your loud, I love it" "Really?" "Hell yeah, I love it when people are loud, that's how you know your doing well, if they don't make any noise you don't know how they feel or what they like" "I'm probably going to be really loud" "Good, I like that, what does turn you on anyway just so I don't have to search for it?" "Everything" "Everything?" "Yeah probably" "Do you mean everything or everything when it's with me?" "With you" "That's good"

I'm so stupid that I couldn't think of a single kink I have and just admitted that I'll get turned on by everything Patrick does because if he didn't realise how obsessed I am before he will now.

Patrick still gets naked though and let's me stare at him for a while as he bites at my neck. Now that he says he likes that I'm loud I don't have to be quiet and hold myself back to pretend I'm experienced because the more I show I like it the more he'll like it hopefully.

After he's kisses my neck for a while and I've worked myself up to sliding my hands down his sides and onto his ass, Patrick pulls away and grabs a condom off his desk. "You ok with condoms?" "We need them don't we?" "Yeah but some people get offended because it seems like I'm saying they have STDs" "Well I might and you might as well so it doesn't matter" "Good, you get better by the minute"

Patrick rolls the condom on and I loose all hope that he would be a bottom so I wouldn't have to loose my anal virginity. "You don't need prep do you?" "Um... No" "Good, that's why I like guys more because usually girls want to get eaten out then fingered and all this shit before I can fuck them, guys might do quick blowjobs but it's quick to the action"

I should have said yes, I probably do need prepping and loads of lube and for him to be slow and gentle with me but I can't say that. If I do he'll think I'm like a whiny girl or he'll realise I'm a virgin, I can just deal with the pain though, Patrick's worth it, I know Patrick will be worth it.

When he pushes in it feels exactly like I thought, just like I'm getting stabbed, but I grit my teeth and wrap my arms around Patrick's neck to hide my face. He goes back to biting my neck which kind of hurts and might leave marks that I don't want but it lets me hide my eyes as they tear up so its good.

"Ah fuck your so tight" Patrick grunts as he pushes the whole way in but he moans afterwards so I guess that must be a good thing for him. It does slightly feel like someone's trying to rip my ass open but I'm grunting and moaning and panting uncontrollably like Patrick wanted so I think he doesn't notice my pain.

After a few long minutes it stops hurting and I can moan for real and grind up against Patrick. His lips push down on mine and I moan louder against his mouth as he continues his ruthless, dirty pace. It's hot and wet as our mouths collide with lots of tongue getting in the way and teeth scraping against each other's mouths and our bodies are slick with sweat as we rub together.

This is basically a dream and Patrick's worth every bit of pain and every insult I'll get at school on Monday. Everyone will call me a fag even more and make fun of me for being a slut and being with Patrick but who cares. I got to spend a whole night with him and even when he tells his friends everything we did and everything I said so they can all make fun of me it'll be worth it. Patrick probably doesn't feel the same for me as I do for him but it means the world to me that I get to be here.

Patrick's thrusts get messier and he moans deeply against my mouth "I'm close". He's actually really quiet during sex, spending most of the time kissing me or biting me so it feels good to know that it must be good for him, if he's close then it obviously feels good.

He comes in me with another low sexy moan making me slump under him moaning as the liquid slowly starts dripping out along my thighs. His hand grabs onto me and he jerks me off quickly as he talks in my ear "Fuck that was hot, you gonna come for me now, gonna make me all dirty, you gonna do that pretty boy"

Just the idea of Patrick calling me pretty boy is enough to make me moan and come over his fist and totally relax back under him. He gets up to throw the condom away and throw his jeans off the bed but then comes back to put an arm over my waist "You know I'm not a fan of cuddling and shit but we still have pizza so your not leaving until it's finished" "I guess I'll just have to hide a piece for the night so I can't leave" "You don't wanna leave?" "No, you have a nice bed and if I stay then my parents will stop calling me a loser for never doing anything" "They know your gay?" "Yeah they don't care, they just want me to get laid" "They sound good" "Wanna swap? I'll take your cool parents and you take my needy asshole ones" "Nah it's cool" "I didn't think you'd want it"

It's easier to talk to Patrick now that we've been intimate and I know I get to stay as long as it takes him to eat 3 more slices of pizza.

"Will I ever see you again?" "At school?" "But would you ever sleep with me again?" "I don't usually sleep with people more then once" "Oh" "Yeah, it just gets boring if it's only one person, it looses the excitement"

I lie there with his arms around my waist trying not to make myself shake because I'm so terrified of stuffing this up. He already doesn't want me staying the night or cuddling and I'll get thrown out tomorrow so I have to enjoy this time. Its the one and only time I'll get to be with him like this but I'm so awkward that it's hard.

I can't stand the idea of him hating me tomorrow and making fun or me with his friends after we did this, it was nice and intimate and felt special. I know it's just something he does and probably means nothing after he's done it so many times before but he was my first so it'll hurt. I should have said no and just ended the date instead of doing this, then I wouldn't be a loser who lost my virginity to a man who doesn't even know it was my first time and doesn't want me for anything more then a quick fuck.

My hands have start shaking again from fear and as much as I try to stop them from doing that it still just happens and I'm trying to hide it from Patrick. He already thinks I'm a loser, so it wouldn't help if I'm trembling and crying but I really need to take more pills because one isn't enough to last me until tomorrow.

Before Patrick notices anything I hop out of his bed and grab my jeans on the way to the bathroom. I don't know if Patrick notices or cares but my whole bodies shaking now and I'm about to cry so I need these pills.

I take another Xanax for my shaking hands, then an antidepressant that helps my bipolar and rummage around under Patrick's sink until I find a box of aspirin and take one of those too to stop the headache I'm starting to get. I should have brought sleeping pills too because if I do stay the night I'll never get to sleep which could be awkward. There's no way I'll survive 8 hours of lying awake in Patrick's bed with him next to me without more pills. Patrick will be there and adorable so I'll freak out about being here then I'll worry about Monday and my virginity and it'll all go wrong.

Just as I look in the back of the cupboard to find sleeping pills the door opens and Patrick frowns at me "What are you doing with my stuff" "Oh um, I'm looking for aspirin, I've got a headache and I didn't wanna bother you".

He frowns but points to the box so I take another even though it won't help with the shaking or insomnia. Patrick pulls me away from his medicine cabinet and back to bed where he spoons me again and presses his face against my neck. "Alright look here, I don't usually do this but I'm cold but I don't wanna put on clothes so I'm going to stay here, if you tell anyone we cuddled I'll hurt you alright" "Ok" "Good, I'll get so much shit if anyone finds out" "It's just cuddling" "I'm supposed to be a man, men don't cuddle other men" "You do" "Shut up before I rethink the cuddling"

I wait until his breathing evens out before I slip out of his arms and go back to the bathroom to look for more pills. If I take enough aspirin it might knock me out but I've never done it before so I don't want to try. I'd literally take anything right now but he has no sleeping pills or anything to help so when I find the little purple box I almost scream in delight.

If I wasn't so tired and worried about getting back before Patrick wakes up and notices I'm gone I'd wonder why he has Xanax but right now isn't the time. My hands shake as I open the box and I lean my forehead against the cool metal of the cabinet as I struggle to open the packaging to get one out. The door opens behind me but I'm so desperate for more pills to calm me down that I just let Patrick's arms go around me as he opens the bag for me so I can take 2 more of the Xanax. I've never taken 4 of the pills in one night along with the antidepressant and aspirin but I'm desperate and I don't care how dependant I'm becoming on the pills.

Tears slowly trickle down my face but Patrick's hands brush them away and he takes me back to his bed. This time we lie facing each other as Patrick kisses every part of my face, kissing away my tears and waiting for my shaking to stop. The pills kick in quickly and I can lie in Patrick's warm arms, enjoying his body heat.

I'm really not making things easy for myself by stealing his pills, drugging myself up then crying but it's nice to have someone comfort me. It'll mean there's more stuff for him to make fun of but I can deal with that as long as I can stay here with Patrick feeling loved for the night.

I fall asleep quickly, somehow the slight overdose of pills along with Patrick helps me fall asleep quickly and I don't wake up at all or have nightmares.

I wake up when the suns streaming in Patrick's open window but I'm alone in the bed. Patrick's not in the bathroom or anywhere I can see without walking around his house naked so I pull on boxers, trying to be gentle on my aching ass and comb my fingers through my hair. If Patrick's going to call me crazy and throw me out of his house it won't matter if my hairs nice but it makes me feel better, maybe he'll want to do this with me again if I look good.

After an awkward walk around his house I find Patrick shirtless in the kitchen humming to himself as he makes pancakes. I shuffle over and smile awkwardly "Hey Patrick" "Hey Petey" "Watcha doing?" "What does it look like?" "Pancakes?" "Yup, I kinda stood in last nights pizza so I had to throw it away, I guess you'll have to stay a while since we couldn't finish it, that was our deal" "The pancakes are a good substitute" "I make great pancakes"

I stand behind him so I can watch over his shoulder while he flips pancakes and it distracts me from my sore ass. I really thought it'd be better by the morning because it stung during sex and last night in Patrick's bed but it still hurts, I should have payed more attention in sex ed.

When Patrick's finished he heaps maple syrup on top of his and eats while half of it spills in his lap. His crotch in his boxers is sticky and soaked which is more erotic then it should be but Patrick just laughs it off and starts his next pancake when I mention it.

When we finish his cousin has woken up and Patrick quickly pulls me back to his room "Wanna shower with me?" "I thought you'd want me to leave" "Yeah but I'm horny again and your already here so we can do this again"

He pulls my boxers down and as he pulls down his own I catch sight of his bed and muffle my scream of shock. In the middle of the bed where I was sleeping there's a patch on the white sheets where there's a rust coloured stain. I run finger over my asshole and it comes back with blood on it so I stare at the sheets in horror.

Patrick takes one look at my face then turns around to look at his bed. When he looks back at me he doesn't look turned on anymore so I shrink slightly under his gaze "Pete, are you a virgin?" "You already asked me that" "But you lied, are you a virgin?" "Not anymore". With a groan Patrick runs his hand over his face and turns his back to me "Are you kidding me? You can't just lie about something like that" "I know, I'm sorry" "Why the fuck would you lie to me about that?" "You wouldn't want me if I didn't lie" "Because your a virgin" "Yeah I am, I'm surprised you believed me because I'm such a loser, I wanted this and it's the only way you wouldn't reject me"

I sound so desperate and I regret this so much when Patrick turns back to me to glare "I don't sleep with virgins because I can't deal with going slow and helping them through it and them being clingy, you have to tell people things like this Pete" "I know, I wanted it though and I didn't want to tell you and have you leave, I liked being with you" "I made you bleed" "But it was still good" "I already didn't want this Pete, I didn't want you to get clingy and upset and not accept that this is a hook up" "I don't care, I won't be clingy" "No you will, I've dealt with this before" "I'm sorry" "You manipulated me into having sex with you because you knew I wouldn't if you told the truth. This is just like when I was with a girl who told me not to use a condom because she was on the pill but she actually just wanted to have a baby, I don't like being manipulated"

I really don't know what to say so I just grab another Xanax from his cupboard and take that one dry. At this rate I'm going to overdose but Patrick stresses me out so much. "Dude stop taking my pills, I don't need you dead, you bleeding is enough to deal with" "I'm stressed" "You think I'm not?"

He snatches the box back and takes a pill then slams it on the counter "I actually liked you you know" "Really?" "I cuddled you and let you stay the night and made you breakfast and wanted to do this again, yes I liked you but you ruined it". I stare at my toes in anger that I couldn't have stopped bleeding so he wouldn't notice because the guy I'm in love with liked me too but now I ruined it.

"I'm sorry Patrick, I fucked it up" "Come on, get in the shower" "I thought you wanted me to leave" "I'm just mad, get in the shower". He's angry at me so I do what he says and get in the shower as he turns it on and joins me. The water falls over his face but Patrick keeps looking at me then takes my hips to turn me around "Bend over" "For what?" "Your probably still bleeding" "I don't think so, it doesn't really hurt" "Let me do this"

Gently Patrick's hand run other my ass when he gets a cloth to wash off the blood "I don't think your still bleeding" "That's good" "Come here". Patrick pulls me into his arms and I kiss his lips hard because this is probably going to be him telling me off for lying or asking bout how many pills I've taken so kissing is much better.

Soon Patrick has me against the wall of the shower kissing me hard as his hand grabs my hard dick. Like last night Patrick's quiet but he's hard so I know he's turned on and when I touch him I'm rewarded with another one of his deep moans. We jerk each other off silently, only letting out moans and whispers of faster until we come on each other's chests which the shower washes away.

"Pete are you ok?" "Yeah" "No more bleeding?" "Nope" "Am I the first to touch you like that?" "Yeah but I promise I won't be annoying if this is just a hook up" "Maybe it won't be a hook up" "Really?" "Yeah, I'll think about it" "You can sleep with girls whenever you want, if you do wanna be with me I won't get mad or jealous" "I'll think about it, tell me about your pills" "Tell me about yours" "I take Xanax because I used to have bad anxiety, it's not too bad anymore so I just take it occasionally before exams and stuff like that, I took one before our date" "I take Xanax for anxiety, antidepressants for bipolar and sleeping pills which is what I was looking for last night" "Sleeping pills?" "Yeah, the Xanax did alright knocking me out though"

Patrick kisses me again then switches off the water "I don't wanna have this be the end so whatever virgin asshole magic voodoo you did on me has worked. Come find me on tomorrow at lunch and I want you to blow me ok, I'll show you how to do it" "Yeah ok, you wanna meet somewhere?" "No I want you to come over and find me" "But that's embarrassing" "I know but I wanna show you off" "I'm nothing you'd wanna show off" "But you are, I like showing off, it's your choice though and if you wanna ambush me in the hall at some point and pull me away then that's fine" "I'll be fighting my way through an army of friends and admirers" "I'll be waiting alright?" "Ok" "Good, you should get home and I'll see you tomorrow"


	2. Chapter 2

**Petes POV**

It's been 20 minutes and I'm still standing here like an idiot staring at Patrick. I should just get over it and go over there because he specifically told me he wanted me to find him at lunch and give him a blowjob but it's so awkward with all his friends who'll be watching me do it. What if Patrick says no? What if he was just kidding? What if he just wants to embarrass me because I tried to be with him again but it was all a joke? Usually I'd find a way to talk myself into it because it's Patrick and I always want to use any excuse I can get to be with Patrick but I just don't know what I'm doing.

Patrick sees me standing there watching him and while his friends are talking he looks me straight in the eye and waggled his tongue at me. I still stand there though and Patrick takes his hand up to his mouth to suck on the tips of his fingers then sucks two fingers into his mouth so he's basically giving his own hand a blowjob. I still can't go over though and his friends are starting to laugh and push him around for doing that so he gives up and doesn't look at me for the rest of lunch.

Maybe I disappointed him by not doing it, maybe he just wanted me to show that I wanted him and I wanted to do this but I didn't. It's not worth the embarrassment though, not when it's so much more likely that everyone will laugh and it'll be a joke then that I'll get to blow him.

I struggle through my last classes then run to my locker to throw my books away as soon as school ends. I stand there texting my mom that I'll walk home when my locker slams beside me and two bodies stand either side me keeping me from running off. I clutch my phone to my chest and turn around to look at Patrick standing there with his friends either side of me as I tremble. He's the same height as me and I've never heard of him fighting with anyone so I shouldn't be so scared but I am. He couldn't make fun of me at lunch by turning me down so maybe he's come to do that here, at least it's less public this time and I won't look like a whore begging for Patrick's attention.

He walks over to me, taking the phone out of my hand and slipping it into my pocket then linking our fingers to pin my hands over my head. "You didn't do what I asked" "Sorry" "I don't like being embarrassed and stood up in front of my friends" "I'm sorry" "I know you were there and I know you saw me, you knew I was horny" "I just couldn't" "You saw me telling you to come over" "I thought it was a joke" "It wasn't, I was horny" "I thought you wanted to embarrass me" "I didn't but now I do"

He shoves on my shoulder, forcing me to my knees then grips onto my hair "I'm not happy with you" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Patrick" "How's your ass?" "It's fine" "Good, how's your mouth?" "Fine, you didn't do much to it though" "I know, I'm doing something now though and I don't need more blood"

He grinds his crotch against my face so his rough jeans rub my cheek and keeps doing it until I fall back against the locker. "I don't like being rejected" "I wasn't rejecting you" "I told my friends I had a cute guy coming over, you didn't and I looked like an idiot, don't you dare do that again" "I'm sorry"

I didn't think Patrick would be so mad. I thought he'd just get someone else or he'd forget about me when I didn't do it but maybe he does want me. He doesn't like me too much right now because I embarrassed him and he's embarrassing me back while I'm on my knees in front of his friends but maybe he does like me. Out of anyone in the school, he chose me. He chose the guy who'd only had sex once and who didn't do what he told him to do and doesn't have a clue what to do in a situation like this.

I'm bright red from blushing and Patrick rubbing against my face so I'm glad when he pulls me up and grabs my waist "Next time I tell you to do something I suggest you do it" "I'm sorry, I was embarrassed" "Embarrassed to be with the hottest guy in school?" "Embarrassed to go over to you like I was important, like I was worthy of your time, like you would ever want me" "Well I do, it doesn't matter if your embarrassed because I'll make it worth it"

I stand there staring at the floor, totally embarrassed at saying this in front of his friends and at how useless Patrick made me look. I let him throw me on the floor and grind on me like a toy, what kind of man just sits there and takes it.

Patrick leans over to bite the lobe of my ear but I jerk away, scared it's going to be more of his stupid hazing to make me seem like his pet. If he wanted me to be his submissive or his toy or something then he could just say it because I'd probably do it if that's what it took to be with Patrick but this just sucks. I don't know what he wants or if he's even going to do anything with me, maybe he just wanted to tease me but not get the blowjob. He probably has a million other people who could give him a better one, why would he want one from a virgin instead of them?

With a hum of annoyance when I pull away Patrick pins me back against the lockers to pull the collar of my shirt back and admire the bruises he made. They're kinda nice even if they hurt to make and it does give me a physical reminder of Patrick that I can hold onto for a few days so I know the whole thing wasn't some weird fantasy.

"Come on, I wanna have you blow me" "Ok" "I'm still mad at you" "I know, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you" "You're going to come up to me tomorrow at lunch and get on your fucking knees in front of everyone to beg me to fuck you, so yes you will make it up to me"

Before I can beg Patrick not to make me do it he puts an arm around my waist and pulls me off quickly. We end up in a messy janitors closet that makes me have to stack up a pile of buckets before me and Patrick can both comfortably fit inside.

"Patrick you were kidding right?" "I don't joke about blowjobs from cute guys" "I mean about tomorrow and me begging" "I wasn't kidding" "Please don't make me" "You embarrassed me so I'll embarrass you" "I'll do anything else" "Do you want me or not?" "What if I say no, what if I don't wanna do this again if I have to do that"

Patrick looks at me there then groans loudly "Your such a prude" "I'm not a prude, I already have no friends so I don't wanna get humiliated and never be able to make a friend" "Fine, I have another idea". He pulls his phone from his pocket and hands it to me with Instagram open "Follow yourself" "Why?" "Just do it" "Um ok"

He has a really nice phone so I quickly request to follow myself then pull mine from my pocket to accept the request and follow him back "Good boy Petey, now get on your knees" "What about your phone?" "You'll see". I kneel down and gently start palming Patrick through his jeans which makes him give me a rare moan and his hand grabs my hair hard.

I keep touching him until he feels fully hard through his jeans then brace my hands on his thighs and look up at him for instructions. Patrick's holding his phone and I see him take a picture of me kneeling in front of him as he grips my hair so I look down again and blush deeply.

"What are you doing?" "Taking a picture" "Why?" "Well I have to embarrass you and claim you somehow" "What are you doing with it?" "Think about what you did on my phone" "No, please no" "What's wrong?" "I actually made friends online and they're the only people I've got, don't post that and make me loose that" "I'm posting it on mine, your friends might not even see it" "Do you have to?" "It's your choice, choose whatever will embarrass you less but I wanna publicly show off, I like showing off" "Yeah you told me, just post it" "Alright, get up here and watch me do it" "Is your account private?" "Nope" "How many followers do you have?" "Um, almost 2000" "Are you kidding me?" "Nope" "Don't you have a private account you can post it on?" "I do but that's not as much fun, I only have like 100 people on that"

Patrick pulls me up and puts his arm around my waist so I can't move away "Follow yourself on my private too" "Fine". I do as he said then accept and follow that from my phone too. He has almost 3000 posts on his private unlike his public which barely has 200 so I spend some time scrolling through that until Patrick grabs it out of my hand and shoves it in my pocket "Post the picture on my account" "The private?" "No, you know what I want" "Your so mean" "I have more ideas of what you can do but this way you don't get embarrassed in public, I've posted things of other people, I just think you look adorable there"

He's not going to let me get off with just not doing it so I grab his phone and quickly just post it before I freak out too much. I don't look too bad even though Patrick's hands pulling my hair away from my face so I can't hide behind it and I'm looking looking straight up at the camera with sex eyes. You can see the bulge in Patrick's jeans which I obviously gave him and it's a pretty sexy picture so I don't mind too much that most of the school will see it. At least it's a good picture, it could be worse so I should be glad.

People start liking it quickly and Patrick forces me to look at the comments which mostly seem to be from his friends that all consist of sexual emojis. I sigh in relief and sink back against Patrick "They don't seem too bad" "My friends just want me to get laid" "You get laid like everyday" "Yeah but I'm a moody bitch when I don't get what I want" "You're getting what you want now" "Yeah and I've been horny all day, get back on your knees pretty boy"

I do what he says and rub at his thighs "Did you tag yourself Petey?" "No" "Why not?" "I didn't wanna, I didn't think you'd wanna show that you follow me" "What kind of asshole do you think I am?" "I dunno" "I wanna show you off" "I don't want people finding my account, I only use it for fandom stuff and my internet friends" "Aw are you scared of people finding out about your Harry Potter obsession?" "Shut up" "Suck my cock and I will" "Why am I even here?" "Your here because you wanna suck my cock"

He really never stops talking so I get to work on his jeans then pull then down "Are we really doing this here?" "Are you scared?" "I don't wanna get expelled for this" "You won't" "But if someone finds us we will" "Calm down, I've done this loads before and no ones ever caught me, it's fine, trust me"

Rolling my eyes I grab his boxers down so his dick springs out against his stomach. He seems smaller now that he's not ripping my ass in half but he's the first person I've ever done this with so he could have the biggest dick in existence and I wouldn't really know.

I don't really know how to do this because Patrick never gave me one yesterday, he just sucked on me through my boxers but it can't be too hard. Patrick's hand grips my hair again so I just put my hands on his thighs again and take him in my mouth. I'm still not sure I'm doing it right because of how quiet Patrick is but his hand lets me keep doing the same thing so I guess it's good.

After a while Patrick does let himself moan and roll his hips against my mouth "I'm close, wanna swallow?" I can't say much so I just shake my head and let him pull away and jerk himself off until he finishes. "I'm teaching you to swallow next time ok?" "Yeah ok" "That'll be so hot, I can just imagine you swallowing it all and taking everything I give you, oh fuck yeah that'd be good"

His hands moves through my hair as he stares down at me, probably fantasising what he wants to do to me so I sit there trying to look sexy. Finally Patrick pulls me up and grabs his phone again "I wanna do something else" "Stop it, I'm already embarrassed enough, I'm sorry for standing you up" "This isn't to embarrass you, this is because I want to show off that your mine now" "Are we dating?" "No, friends with benefits maybe" "I don't like that" "You don't wanna be my friend?" "I do but it makes me sound like a slut" "I'm the slut here" "Fine, whatever" "Come on, aesthetic Instagram picture time"

He's like a teenage girl but it's pretty funny when he grabs my hand and pulls me out to the front of the school "I wanna post sexy shit, what do you wanna do?" "Wasn't the last one sexy enough?" "Yeah but I want more".

Patrick shoves me towards a tree so I grab a branch and haul myself up, I know he's taking picture of my ass but I bought tight jeans like he told me to so I think I look pretty good. When I get up about 6 feet I perch there and look down at him, laughing when I see him still pointing his phone at me "Get up here" "Do I have to?" "Yeah come on".

With a groan he climbs up and sits next to me "Come here" "For what?" "Cliche kissy kissy" "You've literally become a white girl" "Shut up or I'll make out with Starbucks instead". He moves up onto the trunk so I sit between his legs and let him face the camera towards us. I always look terrible in pictures so I put my hands over my face then let him pull them away and make a stupid face so I don't look like a try hard. Patrick licks the side of my face when I try to hide so I break out laughing and lean my head back on his shoulder.

After playing with his fingers on my thigh Patrick jumps down off the tree and holds out his hand to pull me down. "One last arty photo" "Sometimes I hate you" "Nah you love me" "No" "Admit it, I already know how you feel" "Yeah maybe a bit, I haven't taken any pills today, you're even better then a pill" "Hmm that's good, I didn't take any either but I usually don't"

He undoes the button and zip on my jeans so part of my grey boxers are showing then grinds against my back "I've got an idea" "Of course you do" "Take the picture for me" "Yeah fine".

He gives me his phone so I angle it towards my crotch to show one of his hands slipping down my open jeans and the other hand looping a couple of fingers through one of my belt loops. I quickly take a couple of pictures then give him the phone so I can do my pants back up. I don't know why it's always me looking like a slut because he's the slutty one but I guess there's enough mostly naked pictures of him on his social media so he wants some of me. Or he's just embarrassing me some more because he's an asshole like that.

I can see him quickly typing so I let him finish while I look at what he's doing on my own phone. There's nothing there so I frown at him "Did you post?" "They're on the private" "Why?" "It's my spam one, the other is all about my image and the private just a trash heap of photos I've taken"

All the photos look good and his captions are cute because they're all so different then I thought. For me in the tree he just said 'Actually friends when I say friends with benefits this time' and for me climbing it he just said 'My favourite ass' which is what I expected then there's no captions on the ones of both of us. The one of my pants is my favourite because it's the longest and he said 'My favourite part of friends with benefits - This little cuties ass (Even though that ass is probably illegal)'.

Giggling I wrap my arms around his neck and peck his lips "I'm 16 so it's not illegal" "I'm 18" "Yeah but I think that's legal" "Whatever, if I get arrested I'm blaming you" "Maybe we'd get a jail cell together and have kinky prison sex" "More likely that you'd be someone else's bitch" "Well I'm already your bitch so I can deal with that" "I'm a lot nicer then a convicted criminal" "If not then I should spend more time with convicted criminals"

We make out for a while then he pulls back "My phones like a fucking vibrator in my pocket" "Check it then" "It's probably my friends with more sex emojis" "Did anyone say anything bad?" "People are asking if I'm gay but it's not bad" "Are you gay?" "I don't like defining myself, I guess pan maybe or bi, I don't really care" "That's cute" "Your cute" "I need to get home, I told my parents I was walking and I'm way late" "Ok, see you tomorrow, I'll come find you at lunch and you're not rejecting me" "If you come for me I won't, I just don't like risking embarrassing myself" "Good, message me because I get lonely and horny" "Poor you" "I know, it's a tragedy"

After another kiss I start walking down the road and Patrick stands watching my ass until I turn around to flip him off then he laughs and leaves.


	3. Chapter 3

******Pete's POV**

This time Patrick didn't really tell me to come over and ask him to go somewhere with him but I kinda wanna. He's posted about me and shown people that we're doing stuff together so it's not like I'm a secret and he'd hopefully be nice to me while people are watching but I'm so awkward. I don't have friends to go back to so if he turns me down I'd just be alone and awkwardly hanging around like a dog begging for attention.

I'm hiding behind a pole to spy on Patrick which is taking creepy to another level but I really do wanna make sure I don't just walk over there while he's with someone else he hooks up with or he's in the middle of something. It's all very scientific so I go over at the right time and I've got the best possible chance of Patrick wanting to be with me and the least chance of looking like an idiot.

Just when I'm about to go over a girl comes over and shoves her boobs at Patrick which I really hoped would make him push her away or walk away but he just put his hands on her boobs through her shirt and leans in to her ear. I don't know what he says and I don't want to because she walks away happily. I guess the idea of being the only person he's friends with benefits with was pretty ridiculous, he's a slut and I shouldn't have expected anything else from him.

I sit against a wall scrolling through Instagram, hidden from Patrick's view unless he walks past which I doubt he will. I get a couple of messages from Patrick but I'm not really in the mood so I don't look at them and let him find someone else to give him a blowjob in a closet.

Soon a message comes up that says 'Pete I know your online and if you don't answer I'll-' and then the message cuts off and I don't wanna know what he'll do if I don't answer so I open the message and it just ends with 'Never suck your dick'. Another comes up saying 'Fucking finally' and I have to sit there and wait for him to say something else 'Where are you' 'Does it matter' 'Yeah' 'I'm just sitting somewhere' 'Come blow me' 'Get your girlfriend to do it' 'I don't have one you actual fucking idiot'

There's a shadow over me and I look up awkwardly at Patrick "Hi" "I don't have a girlfriend" "It doesn't matter" "I don't like dealing with bullshit and I don't have much patience" "Ok" "Who's my girlfriend then" "No one" "Are you going to become a typical movie teenager and say your fine or are you going to tell me who's pussy I'm supposedly slamming" "A girl came over to you, it looked like you were together" "I have hook ups Pete and you promised you weren't going to be a needy clingy virgin" "I'm not" "Yes you are" "I'm not trying to be" "Then shut up, what's the issue, even if she was my girlfriend it wouldn't matter" "I don't like cheating" "She's a hook up and it's not cheating, it's sex" "I don't do that" "You already blew me and lost your virginity, there's not a lot you can do now"

He's standing over me looking pretty done with me which wasn't really what I intended to do this lunch so I blush and apologise "Sorry, I was gonna come over and ask if you wanted me to do something for you but you were busy so I felt pretty useless, I didn't mean to be a clingy virgin" "Oh come here you idiot"

Patrick puts his hand down to pull me up then kisses me "Next time just do it, your the only one I bothered to give a title to or post about" "A lot of people asked me if I was gay and dating you this morning" "Yeah I knew they would, it doesn't matter though" "I said we were just hooking up" "And getting pizza after school" "Since when" "Since right now, I'm hungry in more ways then one" "I'll come over and let you treat me like a toy if you want" "Get down on your knees and beg will you?" "Y-yeah"

With a nod Patrick kisses me again and slides an arm around my waist "Are you into BDSM" "Not really, are you?" "No" "Then why'd you ask? "Because I want you to stop acting like a submissive who's about to be whipped and get some balls" "I have balls" "Yeah and I wanna put them in my mouth, grow up though" "I like you, you know that, I've only got to have sex with you once and I don't wanna fuck this up before I can spend at least one more night with you" "I'm all yours tonight then" "That was easier then I thought" "I'm pretty easy, if I'm horny and the person asking is hot then I'll usually say yes" "So I'm hot?" "Smoking, I gotta go, remember to get some balls for me to put in my mouth tonight"

I get another kiss then Patrick walks off leaving me bright red and my jeans very tight. Patrick somehow manages to send a dick pic every period for the last 3 hours of school which makes it interesting to pay attention when I'm imagining that dick in my mouth.

After school he's waiting with a couple of friends and the girl who came over to him before but this time I actually do walk over and wave at him. "Hi Patrick" "Did you get those balls yet?" "I tried" "Then restart the conversation" "Hey Patrick, nice dick" "That's better, give me your phone though" "Why" "Do it" "No I have balls now" "I'm not sucking your cock until I get it"

I hand it over and tell him the password so he can fiddle around for a minute then hand it back "What did you do" "Deleted the pictures" "Why" "I don't like them, I like people seeing them but not keeping them" "I liked them though" "You'll have to work to get more then" "So I can delete mine if I ever send you any" "Definitely not, I've got loads of nudes on my phone from most people I've been with" "Your not getting mine then hypocrite"

That's pretty unfair, he can get rid of his but I can't do that to mine, I don't have anyone to send them to but he could show the entire school before I even knew he did it so it should be the other way around.

Patrick winks at the girl who's pressed against his side then takes my hand as we go get pizza. "You're unfair" "Yeah I know, I'm unfair in a lot of ways" "I'm never sending you anything" "Why" "You'll keep it to use at the worst time" "I can't do anything if you do it right" "There's not very many ways to show your dick" "Don't put your face in it or show anything distinctive, you don't have tattoos so it'll be fine. Share it on snapchat or something so you know if I've screen shotted it and you know I have it" "Does that work" "Yeah, you'll know if I have anything of you and no one will know it's you, it could be a random porn stars nude you stole from the Internet, people wouldn't know and it'll just be for all my lonely nights"

I've probably learnt more from Patrick about sex then I ever did in sex ed and I've learnt more on how to keep myself safe then I did in any cyber bullying assemblies we had. It's better to say how to do it safely then just try to say not to do it, telling teenagers not to have sex or sext is useless.

Again I wait outside as Patrick gets the pizza and again I have to take a quick Xanax that Patrick probably sees me do but my hands have started to shake and I can't screw this up. I know he likes me but it's hard to get turned on by someones who's a sweaty shaking mess, confidence is sexier and the best way to get that is with pills.

This time Patrick carries them so I can try to take my hand down from his hip and slowly squeeze his ass "Balls Pete" "You want me to touch your balls?" "No I want you to get some still" "I did" "If your gonna grope my ass do it properly" "I'm trying" "I hate it when people don't do it right" "I'm trying" "Try harder, I like guys who know what I want" "What do you want" "Find out and put your hand back"

There's really no point hiding and he just gets more pissed if I'm shy so I might as well just do whatever I want and if it sucks then he can blame himself. I squeeze his ass harder and lean over to him "Your really fucking pretty" "I know baby" "What are we gonna do at your house?" "Eat pizza and suck each other's dicks" "I like that" "Also I want you begging on your knees" "Will you fuck me again?" "Maybe, I don't want you bleeding again" "I wont" "You can't know that" "Yeah but I'll try not to and I won't make you do anything about it if I do" "Your my friend and I like you, plus we're not spending our night together washing blood from my sheets" "Is your cousin here again" "No my parents" "Do I need to pretend to be a friend or something" "Yeah" "What should I say" "Let me talk, I'll just say your tutoring me"

It's a bit awkward we have to lie to his parents just to be together and I guess maybe they're actually responsible parents who don't want their teenage son having sex unlike mine. Maybe that's why he wanted me, because he wouldn't be embarrassed to tell me to lie because I'm so in love with him I'd never be mean about it.

"I'm sorry Patrick" "For what" "I dunno, hiding from your parents sucks" "I'm not hiding I just don't like the idea of coming out" "Yeah but it does suck" "A little bit, they're not around much though so it doesn't matter"

He dumps the boxes into my arms and puts his hand on my ass like I did for him "Your turn now pretty boy" "I'm pretty?" "Fuck yeah, I'm gonna make you horny so when you meet my parents you'll be turned on and too embarrassed to embarrass me" "Can't you just wait until we get to your bedroom" "No"

We walk the last couple of streets to his house then Patrick waits at the door "Your tutoring me alright" "Yeah ok, you gonna call me sir?" "No way, I'm not that kinky" "You seem kinky" "Not really, I just like sex with pretty boys"

Patrick's hand squeezes my ass once more then leads me in to his deserted house. "Are they here" "They said they would be but I don't know why I expected anything from them" "And we actually made up a good lie" "I know, I need to fuck you" "Yeah ok" "Gonna fuck your pretty little ass" "Are you ok? You seem pissed" "No I'm just really horny and I don't have the idea of my parents turning me off so I'm very very turned on"

Quickly he pulls me up and pushes me down on his bed, letting the pizza fall next to me "I wanna fuck your ass, fuck I wanna slam your pretty little ass" "I've only done this once" "Yeah ok finger yourself then"

Patrick sits back and picks up a piece of pizza to take a bite "Off you go" "I don't know how" "Finger yourself baby" "I don't know how" "Spread your legs". I do what he says and let his hand run between my legs as he takes another bite of pizza "Just put your finger in baby" "Does it hurt?" "Fingering doesn't and it makes sex better" "You can just fuck me if you want, you said you don't like fucking around" "I like people showing off though" "I'm not showing off" "Yeah you are, your gonna finger your pretty little ass hole until I'm so desperate to get inside you" "So your teasing yourself with me" "Pretty much yeah"

I quickly take off all my clothes and lie back again. I still don't know what he wants and I'll probably shove my finger in the wrong place so I'm not sure about this but Patrick doesn't seem to be in any rush to fuck me so giving myself pleasure is better then him not giving me anything.

Carefully I search around and position my finger "What do I do Patrick"" "Push in babe" "How?" "Just push" "Help". I'm being a needy virgin again but Patrick still rolls his eyes and puts his hand over mine "Push in" "It'll hurt, it did last time" "It's fine, it won't hurt so much". He doesn't wait for an answer before he pushes my hand forward so half my finger sinks into my ass.

It doesn't hurt much so I let him guide me until I'm pumping my finger in and out of myself and Patrick can get another piece of pizza to eat while he watches. I don't know if this is a weird fetish with food or if the idea of eating while getting a show from a guy he likes just turns him on.

It must turn Patrick on because he has a boner but it's pretty hot for me too so I add another two fingers which is a stretch but feels good. As I keep fingering myself I watch Patrick watching me and roll my hips against my finger, all of this is surprisingly good even if it started off awkward.

My moans all sound really awkward and lame but I don't know how to moan properly like a porn star so I guess he'll just have to be ok with my weird moans.

I let out another strangled moan as I hit something inside me which makes Patrick pull my finger away and replace them with his own. His are slightly bigger then mine and he puts 3 straight in, increasing the stretch, but he finds the spot my fingers only briefly found and presses his fingers against it. Gently Patrick rubs against it and smirks down at me moaning and grinding desperately against his hand "Such a slut" "Your so good at this" "I know, corrupting little boys is so much fun" "Oh god just get in me" "You sure" "Yes yes yes, just fuck me up the ass already"

I'm lying on the bed groaning and begging and I know it hurt last time but the fingering was good so it'll do. Patrick strips slowly, making me put my fingers back in my ass, desperately searching for that spot but my fingers aren't long enough to get it like his did.

Finally Patrick's naked though and he positions himself at my entrance "Spread your legs more" "Why?" "I have something called hips so I don't quite fit, do you wanna get fucked or not?"

He's kind of a pissy bitch when he's horny and I don't do what he says so I spread my legs until I can't go any further and let him slide between then and slowly sink into me. It's much better then last time so I moan and lay my head back as he starts up a quick pace, managing to find that spot again instantly.

"Patrick please" "What do you want?" "More more more" "Really, you want my dick to fucking wreak your ass" "I think you did that last time but yeah" "Don't bleed this time" "I'm not trying to" "Stop closing your legs" "Don't complain, I'm trying" "I have fucking birthing hips and your not flexible, we'll work on that cutie"

I can't help but laugh and wrap my arms around his neck as I keep giggling "Your birthing hips are cute" "And so is your complete lack of flexibility" "Your so cute when your grumpy and horny" "And your cute when I'm slamming into you".

Patrick kisses me then speeds up his pace again as he hooks my legs up over his arms so I'm more exposed and he can fuck me harder. Like last time I'm moaning and moving against him but this time it actually feels really good and hopefully I won't bleed this time and humiliate myself.

When I whimper and pull at his neck gently Patrick leans down to kiss me again as he fucks me so hard I feel like I'll probably faint soon. I'm so new to this I can't help myself getting close from how hard he's fucking me and how gently he kisses me at the same time. Kissing is so nice, sex and blowjobs and all that is great but everything's made better by kissing someone you really like.

I still have a huge irrational crush on Patrick which he'll obviously never return because I'm just a fuck buddy but it's still nice. He probably knows how I feel about him but he hasn't said anything so I guess he doesn't mind. I like him a lot so I'm willing to be a fuck buddy and know he does the same things with other people and never mean anything real to Patrick because time with him is just so nice.

"Patrick I'm close" "Hold it" "I can't" "You can, so hold it and wait for me" "Please don't" "Hold it until you can't anymore and beg for it" "Are you always such a teasing asshole" "Yeah, I like getting what I want"

It's annoying but I hold myself back and try to distract myself by feeling as much of Patrick's body as I can reach while he goes back to kissing. I can't hold on for long though so I wrap my legs tight around his waist and throw my head back "Please Patrick, god fucking hell I need this" "More" "Please please please I'm fucking desperate" "I can see that"

He's going to keep being an asshole so I grab his hand and put it on my desperately leaking dick "Just fucking do it you cunt, just let me fucking come". Finally Patrick's hand wraps around me and jerks me off until I come then he pulls out, pulls the condom off and jerks off until he comes over my chest.

I stay there as Patrick wipes the mess from both of our orgasms off me then cuddles against my back. We lie in silence for a while until he talks "You know I really like those jeans" "What jeans?" "The ones you wore today" "I got them for you, you did say you wanted me in tight jeans" "I love a guy that listens" "You just like it when people submit" "No, I actually really don't" "Yeah right" "I don't, I like someone who listens and does what they know I like to please me, even if they don't overly like it they'll do it once because I like it" "That's submissive"

With a sigh he rolls onto his back and let's me lie on his arm and cuddle close to his body "No, I like it both ways so if you want something then I'll try and do it for you, I don't like super submissive people or super dominant people, it's not fun then" "I'm submissive though" "Yeah and I don't mind too much, I'm more dominant usually and I prefer topping but you need to be less submissive, tell me what you want"

I lie there playing with his hair gently until he snakes his hands down to grab my ass "I'm serious, tell me what you want" "You should wear tight jeans too, I don't know what else" "Hmm ok, think about it though, I like a man who knows what he wants and gets what he wants" "I'll try" "Just tell me, what's something you want, something you really want" "I want to always have you when I want you, I want to have priority over your other hook ups" "I don't know, I can't do that" "Am I the only guy you hook up with?" "No, your the only one I actually have as a fuck buddy though" "Then I want to hook up whenever you want a guy, if you want a girl you can go have one but I wanna be the first guy you go to"

He nods and smiles "I do like a man who gets what he wants. Alright then, you are my favourite for now anyway, don't get too used to it though" "What do you want from me?" "I want you to come over when I tell you to, I want you to never ignore my messages unless you have a fucking good reason and I want you to not be needy unless it's during sex" "I already know all these" "But I thought I'd just tell you" "Anything else?" "No I like you the way you are, you can also resist me sometimes if I being an ass, I like fighting to get what I want and I already said instant submission isn't much fun"

It's hard to understand him sometimes but I just draw patterns on his stomach with my fingertip and lie my head against his shoulder. "I thought you didn't like cuddling" "I get cold easy and you seem to like it so I do it" "I'm the only cuddle buddy" "Yeah, most other people just leave but you insist on staying so we might as well" "Yeah I like cuddling, you are cold though, I thought people were usually warmer" "Not me"

We lie together until Patrick sits up, forcing me off his shoulder "I should find out where my fucking parents are" "Ok, should I leave" "Not yet, you can stay" "Good, I didn't wanna leave" "Good, if you wanna stay just tell me your staying, I do like being dominated sometimes, it makes me really hard. Also how many pills did you take today?" "One Xanax and an antidepressant in the morning and another Xanax while you got pizza" "That's better, you need to stop taking them" "I've been on them for years" "So you need to stop, I used to take 3 a day just to be able to talk to people without throwing up, now I almost never take any" "I'll try" "Only take one of each in the morning, don't take them with me or at school" "You stress me out, I have to"

He shakes his head and kisses me before getting out of bed "I've had anxiety, I know what it's like, you need to make your own confidence before you get addicted" "I have to take them" "No you don't, I don't know about insomnia or bipolar so you should keep taking those but who cares what people think, if you build up that thought it'll get easier"

I actually like these deep conversations. I don't think he's told other hook ups about his pills and hopefully he wouldn't be this deep with them so I like that I might be a bit different.

"I don't have friends and I'm not popular, I care what people think" "You have me, friends with benefits remember?" "Yeah but......" "But what? If you wanna hook up come tell me, if you wanna hang out come tell me and if you just wanna tell me my ass looks great then definitely come tell me" "That doesn't help" "I'm an easy person Pete, if your hot and I'm horny we can hook up. If you wanna hang after school or at lunch or whatever then we can, my friends know what I do with people" "You had anxiety, you know that doesn't work" "Do you want a get out of jail free monopoly card to cash in  every time your lonely or horny? I can do that if you want"

Anxiety sucks. I'd love to walk over during school and confidently sit in his lap in front of everyone but I can't. I'd be too scared of being laughed at or pushed off or him telling me he'd prefer me to just piss off. We're friends and we hook up but I'm still so in love with him I'm not willing to risk loosing everything because I'm a lonely loser with no friends. If he turned me down I'd have no one to go back to, no friends to cheer me up and no matter how many pills I take it won't give me enough confidence to risk the only real relationship I have.

"Alright, I'll make you a monopoly card, come on" "Patrick you-" "Don't argue, if you don't have confidence I'll make you some"

For the next 5 minutes Patrick sits on the floor, completely naked, while he cuts a piece of paper and draws on it badly. When he's done he gives me the paper with a badly drawn stick figure in the middle with the words 'Free pass to Patrick' around the edges.

"Anything you want just give me it" "Anything?" "Well if you want to murder me then no but if you wanna hang or talk or hook up or sit on me for a while then yeah, you can use it" "It's fucking ridiculous" "Yeah well so are you, maybe after a while you'll get the idea that I'm an easy person and we can burn it and fuck in the ashes"

He giggles and waves for me to join him on the floor which I instantly do "I expect this used at least once tomorrow" "Yeah ok" "You don't have friends do you?" "No and I'm in 10th grade so you can run away if you want" "I already knew, I'm not stupid" "I know, I didn't junk you'd care what grade one boys in though" "I don't, I care what grade my fuck buddies in though" "Alright" "I'm serious though, make friends and if you can't do that then come make me be your friend, I can be talked into almost anything when there's a pretty boy in my lap" "I'll remember that" "Do that and if you aren't on my lap within the first 10 minutes of lunch we'll have a problem alright" "Ok" "Good, you learn pretty fast"


	4. Chapter 4

**Pete's POV**

After it's been exactly 9 minutes of lunch I wait for Patrick's friends to seem busy then run over and throw myself down into Patrick's lap where he sits at a picnic table. He seems pretty surprised there's someone suddenly sitting on him but puts an arm around my waist "Hey" "Hey" "I guess I'll need to take the pass back, since you don't seem to need it" "No I'm keeping it" "Alright, what did you want?" "You told me to come over because you wanted a cute boy in your lap within 10 minutes, it's been 9 minutes and here I am"

Patrick just laughs and kisses my lips quickly "I'd prefer you not to wait until the last moment" "But I did what you said, you can't complain".

I only took one antidepressant this morning like he told me to do and I don't know where my courage came from but maybe having a physical thing saying Patrick will be happy to see me makes it easy. Maybe my second time having sex did something to me or talking to Patrick helped. People who have or had anxiety usually understand it better so he won't be a total ass to me because he knows what it's like to be terrified of humiliation.

For a while I just sit in his lap and comb my fingers through his messy hair which makes it pretty obvious he had sex. He might like walking around with sex hair but I think it looks trashy so I'll just comb it out and make him look cute again while he's not stopping me. I wonder if it was a guy or girl even though I probably don't want to know who got to hook up with him today.

When there's only 15 minutes of lunch left Patrick pats my ass to make me stand up then starts dragging me off "Where are we going?" "I dunno" "You already had sex today, are you horny again already?" "How'd you know?" "Your hairs messy and you don't seem like the kind of person who'd get it messed up any other way" "This was actually just from one of my friends play fighting but I did hook up this morning" "With a girl?" "Obviously otherwise it'd be you"

We find the same closet from when I blew him and Patrick pushes me in before a teacher can come along and ask what we're doing. Carefully I make a space for myself to sit cross legged on the floor and Patrick joins me after finding a torch so we can see.

"Why are we here?" "I dunno, you were cute on my lap so I wanted to come here" "Do you always hook up here?" "If it's with a guy I've done it in the bathrooms, it's hard to sneak a girl in there though so yeah, I like it here" "Am I sitting in this mornings come stains?" "No that one was in my car"

Talking about this is still so weird, causally talking about fucking a girl in your car shouldn't be so easy for him. "Why did you come see me?" "You told me to" "Don't lie Petey, tell me what you want" "I wanted to be with you" "Then tell me what you want" "I want this" "Sitting in a closet smelling of bleach?" "Yeah, I didn't really wanna sit alone all lunch" "Then why come here?" "That was your choice, I was happy to sit there the whole time" "Then why are we here?" "I literally don't fucking know"

He's asked the same thing so many times and I know it's just to make me laugh so I giggle and take his hand between two of mine. Like usual he's wearing a jumper but I roll back the sleeves and play with the rope bracelets he's wearing "These are cute" "They're from my therapist, I used them to ground me during a panic attack and they cheered me up so now I just wear them always" "That's sweet" "Do you see anyone?" "No my parents don't really take it seriously" "Where do you get the drugs?" "I saw a doctor who diagnosed me, I had a panic attack in school and my teachers worried about me self harming because I could have terrible mood swings" "That's good, it's good someone cared"

He pulls me to my feet "Come on, I pulled you away before I could eat, I was kinda distracted in something else I wanted to eat" "You did say food was the main priority" "Yup, we're going to the cafeteria" "Do we have to?" "Yeah, I need to buy food, I'll get you something if you want" "No it's ok" "No you need food to keep up that nice body"

I let Patrick pull me out and we hold hands down the hall which is nice, holding hands is a really nice thing to do even though Patrick's hands are freezing. They're so cold I pull the one I'm holding up to my lips and cover it with my free hand as I blow on it. "Your freezing babe" "Did you call me babe?" "Yeah, I think I've done it before though" "You probably have, don't say it in front of other people though, my friends know I fuck guys but I didn't tell them I've bottomed or anything" "You didn't bottom for me" "But calling me babe makes me sound submissive, plus I'm not usually a fan of cute nicknames, you make them work though" "I won't say anything" "Thank you. I'm naturally cold though, it's why I always wear so many layers even in summer, maybe I'm cold blooded" "Hiss hiss motherfucker"

When Patrick laughs I'm really embarrassed that I actually said that out loud but he doesn't seem to think I'm weird or anything so I relax a bit. If Patrick's comfortable enough to tell me about his pills and therapist and panic attacks, plus able to sit on the floor naked while colouring in a sex pass, I should be comfortable saying what I feel like saying.

The cafeterias crowded which is why I avoid it and probably why Patrick always sits outside with his friends. It doesn't take long to buy food though so I follow Patrick to a table at the corner and curl up in the very corner while Patrick sits next to me.

It's tacos today which is apparently some of the only edible food in school which makes me feel worse about not wanting to eat the food Patrick bought me.

"You gonna eat?" "No I'm ok" "So I'm hooking up with an underage virgin who has bipolar, depression, anxiety and who starves himself" "Yes apart from starving myself, I do eat" "Then eat" "It's kind of an anxiety thing, I don't like eating in front of people. A guy told me I look really ugly when I eat a few years ago so it makes me uncomfortable" "So you do eat?" "Yeah I eat normally just not in public" "You can eat, I'll still think your sexy with half a taco hanging out of your mouth"

I blush and break off a bit of the taco shell as Patrick keeps talking "I felt the same about getting up in class or talking in class in middle school. I refused to go to the bathroom during class because I didn't like stares so I ended up with lots of awkward runs down the hall before I pissed myself" "I actually do that at the moment, it kinda sucks" "Don't do that, trust me people don't judge, they don't give a shit most of the time because people are too busy having mental breakdowns over too much homework" "Yeah, it's awkward though" "I also never talked so I would be silent for an hour at a time and I'd never ever ask a question, I'd rather fail then ask a question and seem stupid"

We talk for a while about different things we both do and laugh at each other's embarrassing stories which is a nice time. He's popular and amazing but he's been though the same stuff as me, maybe I have a chance of making friends and being someone people actually care about if he's managed to do it.

In the middle of Patrick telling me about how scared he was to ask for a pen when his ran out in the middle of a test a girl slides in next to him and puts a hand on Patrick's chest. I stop eating straight away and cover my mouth as I finish off the mouthful even though she doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm right there.

"Hey sexy" "Hey Amy" "Wanna go somewhere and finish what we started? I'm sure your cars still there ready for me". I guess she's the one he hooked up with this morning which should make me nervous but it just annoys me. I was comfortable eating with Patrick and he made me feel good when we talked and related on all this stuff so he's not leaving with some pretty girl with big tits.

"Sorry he's busy" "Who are you?" "His friend" "Well I think it's Patrick's choice" "Yeah but he's kinda busy so yeah, can't it wait?". I tried to stand up for myself but I'm so awkward with anyone except Patrick so I just sink against the window and wait for Patrick to leave. He wants me to stand up for myself but how can I? She's probably been hooking up with him loads and had sex way more then me. Sex with a pretty girl will always be better then talking to a guy who's so much younger then you about how lame he is. 

The girl Amy doesn't seem bad, she actually seems nice since she asked him for it and didn't call me a faggot or a loser so I don't wanna be rude. Telling her to piss off would be mean and all she did was ask whether Patrick wanted to go with her so I'm not going to be a dick and try to force him to stay.

Patrick raises his eyebrows at me then turns back "I'll see you after school sweetheart, my car will be desperate for some more of that pretty little ass". He pats her ass and she walks away so I pick the rest of my last taco back up and shove the whole thing in my mouth so I don't say anything stupid.

"Didn't I tell you at one point to grow some balls?" "Yeah yesterday" "Then do it" "She seems nice, I wasn't going to be an asshole" "Say it nicely" "I thought you'd want to hook up with her" "I do, which is why I offered after school. Are you being a clingy virgin again?" "No" "You are but it's starting to get cute, still annoying but very cute when it comes from you"

Now I don't really know what to say so I lean my head on his shoulder and fiddle with his bracelets until I find something to say. Before I can Patrick pushes me back and kisses me then looks down at me with a smirk "Open your mouth and close your eyes" "Why?" "Trust me" "I don't know if I do" "Come on, I promise it won't be bad" "Ok, you promised"

I lean my head back against the window and do what Patrick told me to do. In a second he shuffles with something then presses his lips back to mine. He slowly bites my lip so I gasp, then he opens his mouth and liquid falls into my mouth. I really wasn't expecting it so I try to pull back put Patrick's hand quickly holds the back of my neck to hold me in place until I swallow and kiss him back.

"Fuck what was that?" I murmur between his quick kisses which makes Patrick hum and kiss me harder "Coke" "Like the drink not the drug right?" "Did it feel like a drug?" "No" "So obviously it's just cola" "Oh, it was good" "Stop talking, I'm trying to kiss here"

Heavily we make out for a while until the bell goes and I have to pull away "I have to go to class" "Sucks to be you, I have study period" "Lucky" "I fucking know, want some gum first?" "Sure"

I should have thought about it better because Patrick gets a stick of gum from his bag and puts it in his mouth "Come get it" "No" "Do it, you wanted it" "Not like that" "What's wrong? Are you scared I've got cooties?" "No I just need to go to class" "Your not going anywhere until you get what you asked for, when people ask I deliver"

With a groan I lean in and kiss him so he can push it into my mouth then hold our lips together for a couple more seconds. "Can I go to class now?" "Sure, I'll walk you" "Really?" "Yeah, what do you have?" "Dance" "You dance?" "Yeah I do, I'm a little faggot ballerina apparently" "You'd look fucking hot in tights" "I do not wear tights" "You should, the dance room is right by the library so I'll come with you, some quick changing room sex would be nice" "No it wouldn't" "It would be for me" "I'm gonna be late to my favourite class" "Then move that pretty little ass and run sweetheart"


	5. Chapter 5

**Pete's POV**

I guess Patrick did go to hook up with the girl from lunchtime since he doesn't message me and I don't see him anywhere and I have to walk home. I haven't done my drivers test yet so I don't have a car but Patrick's so much older that he does have one and I was hoping to force him to give me a ride. He doesn't live too far away from me so hopefully I'd be able to talk him into it but I guess someone else has him instead.

As always my parents seem disappointed when I come home and try to convince me to go out somewhere but I just heat myself a bowl of soup and retreat to my room for the night.

3 bowls later after I've attempted to eat away my feelings I go to sleep at about midnight and tuck my phone under my pillow as always.

Patrick wakes me up at 3am by sending me so many messages I've started to think I'm in the middle of an earthquake. Angrily I type out 'what' then lie in the dark for a while until he replies 'I can't sleep, whats your address". I really wanted to sleep but I type out my address then wait for Patrick to tell me he's outside. It's super cold so I pull sweatpants over my boxers and a hoodie over my shirt before going outside to see what Patrick wants.

He's in his car waiting for me and when I get in he pulls out to drive back towards his house. "What the fuck is this?" "I can't sleep" "I could've just given you some pills" "I don't take sleeping pills" "They do help though" "I didn't wanna, I want you in my bed" "When you said do whatever you say I didn't think it'd end up being sex at 3am" "It's not sex" "What is this then?" "I just want you and no one else would want to come over unless it was sex" "I hate you, can't it wait?" "No"

I didn't know he had them but Patrick's got on glasses and similar clothes to me which he looks cute in. His hair looks like a tornado so that combined with the glasses makes him look like a cute boy next door which makes me like him even more.

At his house Patrick drives into the garage, stops at the kitchen to heat up bowls of Mac and Cheese, then takes me up to his room. We sit in his bed eating for a while, which I'm much more comfortable with now that I know him better.

"Why am I here, what's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong" "You can tell me, I'm here at 3am so its not like I'll be able to think up any insults or anything" "I just can't sleep and I need a friend" "You have friends" "But your the only one I can talk to in the middle of the night about anything important" "Then it's good you have me" "I'm glad your here" "I'm going to be so tired in the morning" "That's ok, you can sleep on me at lunch" "You want me at lunch again?" "Yeah, I'd like having a pretty boy asleep in my lap" "I'd like that"

Patrick finishes his bowl and wraps an arm around my shoulders to pull me against his shoulder "I like you in my bed" "Is something actually wrong though?" "Amy told my parents we were hooking up and it was awkward, plus my grandparents are coming to stay so I can't hook up or anything in my house anymore" "Is that all?" "I wasn't serious about deep conversations" "But you need it" "I have a lot of hook ups and I can't keep up with so many people" "Have less then" "I can't" "Why?" "I can't just tell people I don't wanna hook up anymore" "Don't you have favourites?" "Yeah, you and a couple of girls" "Then have them and only hook up with other people when they're all busy" "Yeah I guess, I kinda wanna just hook up with you a lot though so it's hard to have so many other people as well when I just want a man"

I really hope he did mean that I'm his favourite and he wants to hook up with me not everyone else. That'd be really nice because it'd be the closest thing I'd ever get to being his boyfriend which is something I really want.

"If you want guys then just have guys, I'm sure you'll have no problem making more fuck buddies" "Yeah but your the only guy I have right now and I'm not in the mood for fucking random people, I can't just ditch every girl I've ever hooked up with" "It's your choice, you don't have to have them if your not interested"

He nods and rests his cheek on top of my head "I'll think about it" "I'll come over late at night if you want a man, I think guys would always be better then girls" "Well your gay so of course" "Yeah, what are you?" "I dunno, I'm whatever I choose to be" "Do you choose to make me more Mac and Cheese?" "You're so desperate" "Yup" "I like your confidence, it's sexier then you being terrified of me" "I wasn't terrified" "At first you were" "I was on a date with the hottest guy in school who wanted to have sex with me when I was a virgin, of course I was terrified, it's easy now" "That's good, that's the point of friends with benefits, it's sex and friendship so nothing's awkward"

After I give him some puppy dog eyes he gets up to make some more Mac and Cheese leaving me to scope out his room. It's pretty normal sized room and it's very clean which isn't what I expected from him.

When Patrick gets back he pulls at the bottom of my hoodie as he kneels next to me "Get this off" "Why?" "I got you food so you can at least take a few clothes off for me" "Well if that's what it'll take to get my food and get you back in bed"

I let him pull it off my body then do the same to my sweatpants before getting back in "Eat up Petey" "How are you anyway?" "I'm ok, I'm pretty good honestly now that I can have someone come over when I need someone" "It's nice having a friend to do this with" "Why don't you have friends?" "I don't know" "There must be a reason" "I'm awkward, I can't talk to people easily" "You should try, people can be good" "Everyone has friend groups and I can't really break into it very well"

I should really stop telling the hot popular guy about my friend problems, he probably won't understand and he'll just think I'm a loser. Having anxiety is totally different from being a boring loser who can't even hold a normal conversation with anyone and Patrick's never been a loser like me.

Before he asks anything more I pull at his hoodie like he did for me "Take some clothes off" "Why should I?" "Your so hot when you get naked for me" "Oh really?" "Yeah, your so freaking hot"

Patrick puts his empty bowl down and kneels on the bed to pull his hoodie off and push his track pants down. Every other time I've been with him he's worn really tight boxers that show off his erection but this time he's wearing loose boxers with Jack Skellington all over them which he seems to be embarrassed about. "I wasn't expecting to have you over" "I don't mind, I have a pair with hearts on them and a pair with cartoon dragons, it's not a big deal" "You need to wear the heart ones for me" "No" "You'd be so cute"

With a giggle which I always like hearing from him, he pulls off my shirt and lies down on top of me to make out. Kissing is probably my favourite thing because it's so easy and it's the only time when I don't feel completely useless compared to Patrick.

Lying in bed in boxers while kissing is really fun especially when he pulls the blankets over our heads so we're together in the dark. "Petey babe?" "Yeah?" "Do you like hooking up? Do you like me?" "Of course" "I didn't think you'd be that kind of person" "I'm not, I do kinda like having someone though" "Are you fucking me because you don't have any friends?" "No, that's weird" "But do you actually want this? We can just be friends, you don't have to fuck me" "I want to" "Why?" "It's nice" "Why?" "Stop asking me that, I've said why" "Just tell me why you do this, you're not a slut so why do you bother?" "Because I like it"

It's the truth, I just like spending time with Patrick because it really is nice but he doesn't seem to believe me. I don't wanna tell him it's because I've been in love with him for so long but I guess he's right, there's no real reason for me to keep hooking up with him without telling him how I do feel.

"Pete please, I wanna know" "Because it's fun" "You can just be my friend" "I don't wanna just be your friend" "We're friends now" "Because then that's all I'll be, a stupid friend who you barely ever see because you have so many others. I wanna be the person you come pick up at 3am to eat Mac and Cheese with and talk in bed, I wanna get to hook up whenever you want a guy, I wanna hear stupid stories and sit on your lap and be more then a random friend. I don't have friends so I don't wanna be ditched because you have so many other friends, you have less fuck buddies then friends so at least I'll have a friend more often"

I'm honestly trying so hard not to cry but I can't control myself, I haven't taken pills since yesterday morning so it's been almost 24 hours and I'm not doing well. I'm always emotional in the morning because of that so the lack of sleep and lack of pills isn't working well for me.

"I'm not just gonna ditch you Pete, I'm not an asshole and I told you about how awkward it is to not hook up with people I used to be with" "But people just stop hanging out and I never understand why and I don't wanna be like that when I just got you as a friend" "It won't just happen straight away" "But stuff happening gradually scares me because I don't know what I did wrong" "Have you ever had a close friend?" "Not really, when I was young everyone just hung out together and it wasn't a big deal then in middle school my anxiety and bipolar got bad so I missed a couple of months of school and then I came back and everything was different" "You won't miss that much school again though" "But at first I was with people from elementary then we just drifted apart and I couldn't make friends"

Again I'm just talking about how lame I am and I just want to stop. I had no idea what he was going through in middle school and I'd never have thought it was anything like me but he always had friends. He was popular ever since I first saw him and when I came back after my time off he was still popular so regardless of whatever mental health issues he had he was still loved by everyone.

I was so creepy ever since I ran into him in the hall in 7th grade and even though he was 2 years ahead of me, I liked him. I tried to be near him all the time because he made me feel good and even when he left my school I walked past the high school everyday just to try to see him. Patrick was my first guy crush and he's the only one who's lasted so long so I don't wanna ruin everything with him because I accidentally blurt something out.

Patrick rubs down against me and kisses me softly "I'm your friend, we'll be friends as long as you want to be" "I do wanna hook up by the way" "Yeah, I like it too" "Can I spend the night? I'll leave in the morning" "You can stay if you want" "Is that a yes?" "Yeah, of course it's a yes" "Thank you" "I'm getting a boy in my bed to spend the night with so I think I'm the one thanking you"

With a sigh he collapses down onto his bed and chucks back the covers so they only cover our waists, letting me lie on his chest. "You definitely need to stay the night" "I will" "I also have something to tell you by the way" "What is it?" "I'll wait for you to tell me" "What is it?" "Forget about it, it's just something for another time, maybe I'll get to sleep now you're here" "I hope so, it's getting late" "Actually it's getting early since it's 4am" "Whatever smart ass"

I'm super tired so I cuddle closer and relax "I took sleeping pills so I should be able to sleep" "We can talk if you want, I don't mind missing a bit of sleep for you" "It's ok, I'll try to sleep and I'll see you in the morning" "Alright cutie, sleep well"


	6. Chapter 6

**Pete's POV**

I wake up when Patrick gets out of bed and he doesn't seem to notice I'm awake so I can lie there and watch as he strips his boxers off and gets in the shower. He's in there a while so I doze off again then wake up properly when he starts shaving, still naked which is a very nice thing to see.

Slowly I get up and go in to put my hands on his hips then kiss his cheek when he takes a break from shaving. "Hey Trick" "How long have you been up? Were you spying on me?" "Maybe a little bit" "Your so cute but let me shave now, I do badly enough when I don't have a sexy guy distracting me"

He looks kind of funny with half his face shaved, even if it is only stubble that's left there. I stand back to watch him draw the razor against his face and I can't help but giggle slightly when he cuts himself. It's only a tiny one on his cheek but he gasps and drops the razor in the sink so I go over and kiss the little cut then pick up the razor for him. Half his face is still covered in foam and he looks so cute and pouty so I put a hand on the opposite cheek and tilt it back "Let me help" "Do you even shave?" "Not much, like once a month and there's still barely anything there, I am 2 years younger"

Gently I shave the rest of his face then kiss the fresh pink skin "There you go" "You're good at this" "It's easier when I can see your face instead of looking in the mirror and doing it to yourself" "Thank you" "Anytime, if you ever decide you're actually straight I'll still be here for late night eating and helping you shave" "And watching me shower" "And that too"

Awkwardly he pushes me back slightly and steps away "Um so I was thinking in the shower and I don't really wanna loose all my friends with benefits because it's fun so I'm doing what you said and only sleeping with the ones I like. Some of them I've only done it with once so I might not do it again, I'll have a couple of girls and maybe I'll find other guys, I don't really know"

I really hope he isn't trying to tell me he's breaking up with me because that'd suck. I like him and I still don't wanna give up a great man because I'm too awkward and boring and other guys could give him more. Maybe he's right, virgins were never his thing and I tricked him into sleeping with me which wasn't good. He would never have took me to his house or done anything sexual with me if he knew and I probably wouldn't be his friend if I hadn't of lied. My only friendship is based on a lie where I convinced him to fuck me so it's not a good feeling. I'll be anything he wants though and I don't think he'd abandon me instantly because he is nice.

"Petey, you ok with that?" "Ok with what?" "The friends with benefits thing I just said about" "Yeah it's your choice" "But are you ok with it? Everyone else knows and they sleep with other people too but you don't" "It's not my thing, I wouldn't sleep with more then one person at once" "Why?" "I've had sex twice, I'm not ready to have 10 fuck buddies, I doubt I could get anybody else anyway"

Quickly I go back to his room to put on my clothes from last night and run a hand through my hair. I look like crap and I need my pills really bad before I get awkward or pissed or upset or possible all three, it happens quite a lot.

"I need to go Patrick" "No you don't" "We have school, I need to go" "Or we can ditch" "No we can't, I don't ditch and I need my pills" "I'll drive you" "Yeah ok, hurry up"

Patrick gets dressed and takes me to his case so I can curl up in the passenger seat of his car and put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from saying anything embarrassing.

"Are you ok Pete? I didn't think telling you I'd get less hook ups would upset you" "I'm not upset" "Yeah you are" "I'm not, I just need my pills" "You don't need them, they don't control you" "They do Patrick, more then you can ever imagine. You don't understand what it's like to have bipolar, you can't stop. This isn't just anxiety and my anxiety is so much worse then yours. I can't make friends, I can't ask questions, I can't talk in class, I can't walk around after dark, I can't go to the bathroom unless the rooms empty, I can't be home alone, I can't order food or buy things if it involves talking to people, I can't Patrick. You don't understand"

After I finish Patrick pulls up outside my house and locks the doors when I try to leave. "I know what it's like Pete" "You don't, not everyone with anxiety is the same. Sometimes I'm just anxious, sometimes it physically hurts to even try to interact and sometimes I would rather jump off a bridge then risk embarrassing myself. It's not easy and you have no clue about what happens when you have bipolar, depression and insomnia with that, I'm not just a teenager who's shy, you don't understand"

I try to push the door open and yank on it until Patrick grabs my hands and wraps me in his arms "I understand, maybe I don't totally understand but I do understand" "You don't, let me go" "No, it's ok, you can tell me, I'll try to understand, that's what friends do" "I'm serious, please stop holding me, open the door" "You don't have to run away" "I'm claustrophobic, let me out, I can't stand being trapped in a small space with another person and I hate being restrained"

Carefully he takes his arms away and unlocks the door so I can fall out and lie on the pavement to catch my breath. He has his bracelets that ground him and I usually just use the actual ground. I don't know if it's real or I'm defining it wrong but lying on the ground helps stop tears and it helps me calm down when I know I'm connected to something big.

"Are you ok? Fuck Pete should I call an ambulance or something?" "No, please don't" "I'm worried" "Don't worry, I'll be fine" "Can I help?" "Please don't try to"

I stay on the ground until Patrick gets out of his car and comes to lie next to me "I'll stay with you" "You don't have to, I'm ok" "No your not, I don't know if this is your form of a panic attack or your just freaking out but I'm here, I won't leave you crying on the ground" "It's embarrassing" "It doesn't have to be" "It's embarrassing that the guy I've loved for years has to see me crying for no good reason. No older guy wants a young crybaby so this isn't helping, I won't even be a hook up or a friend if I don't shut up"

My sobbing gets worse when I realise I said I'm in love with him but Patrick doesn't say anything about it and only holds my hand. He's going to ask about it later and I'll loose him forever like I said I would but it's ok. I felt good for a few days and spent a lunchtime with him today so that's more then I've gotten in the last 4 years and it'll help. Patrick wants hook ups and friends he can hang out with then have sex with but I'm acting like I have a chance of being his boyfriend and that's ridiculous. I've messed up my one chance of a friendship and my one chance with my crush but he took my virginity so that'll always be special to me, not everyone gets someone like Patrick even if it was a short time.

I thought he'd leave but Patrick stays next to me on the ground until I stop crying then helps me up "We need to talk" "No, we don't. I'll never talk to you again and you won't have to be around me, thank you for making me feel special for a couple of days" "Don't be silly, that's not what friends do, go get dressed and get your stuff then come back, I'll wait for you" "No, please don't wait for me" "I'm going to, just go and do what I say. Get dressed, get your bag, take your pills and I'll buy you something to eat when you get back" "No" "Come on, I'm not mad, I promise"

I'm done with arguing and seeming stupid so I look at the ground and run into my house. My parents don't even care that I run in so I get dressed and take my pills then grab my bag and go back to Patrick like he told me to.

He's waiting in his car so I jump in and sit as far away from him as possible "Pete I'm not mad, I promise I'm not. What do you want to eat?"

I have no idea how to answer or how to act around him so I stare at my knees until he sighs "I know a nice diner off the highway, I'll get you pancakes or something" "Ok" "Ok, come on, it's good I promise"

Patrick seems to be promising a lot but I guess he doesn't really know how to deal with this. He wanted a fuck buddy but ended up with a 16 year old virgin who's in love with him and has so many issues it's impossible to keep track of them. Who would know how to deal with this? At least he's being nice and didn't throw me out of his car and drive off when he found out. I know the situation and I know what he wants so if he tells me to get over my crush I will because after 4 years of pining for him, I don't care what kind of relationship I end up with.

The diner is small and cute so I walk with Patrick inside, desperately wanting to take his hand but knowing I'm not allowed to right now.

I crush myself as far into the booth as possible then after a moment Patrick joins me and puts a hand over mine "Stop, I was fine when you said you were a virgin and it'll be fine now" "I really do mess things up" "You keep it interesting so I can't not spend time with you and I enjoy it with you"

He orders us both pancakes while flirting with the waitress then turns back to me "I forgot coffee, want any?" "No" "I'm not mad, you can have what you want" "I don't drink coffee" "Are you not allowed?" "I just don't, it's not my thing" "Do you want something else?" "Can you ask if they have tea? I like tea so yeah, if not I'll just have the food"

As he leaves I hug my knees against my chest and wait for Patrick to come back "Pete can I hold your hand?" "I didn't think you'd want to but you can do whatever you like" "Thank you, you have nice hands" "Thanks" "You're not good for me, stop being attractive because it's hard to like girls when there's a hot guy waiting for me" "I think guys are better, I'm gay though" "Guys are good"

Patrick puts his cold hand over mine and scoots closer "Sorry if I'm cold" "Are you naturally cold or do you need a jacket?" "Naturally cold, I'm not actually cold right now but my skin doesn't heat up or something, who knows" "Its kinda cute" "Most people think it's weird or annoying" "It just makes me wanna warm you up" "Go ahead"

The waitress brings our hot pancakes while I curl into Patrick and cup his cold hand between mine and breath on it "Are you sure you don't need a jacket?" "I'm sure, you can keep warming me though"

I kiss his knuckles quickly then pull the plate towards me "Thanks for this" "Pretty boys deserve pancakes, I took a girl here once but she hated it and I took a guy here after hooking up and he left after a couple of minutes, it's nice someone likes it" "It's nice, it's homely" "Yeah, it does feel like that"

I'm still comfortable around Patrick so I can break part off the top pancake and bite at it "Did they have tea?" "Yeah green tea, you like that?" "I love it" "That's good, why don't you like coffee though, coffees great" "I don't like caffeine" "It doesn't hurt you" "But I'm straight edge so I don't like it" "I don't know what that is" "I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or have anything with a lot of caffeine. Some people don't take prescription pills but I have to because of everything and I'm not really into the vegan part of it so yeah, it's most just those" "That's cool, how long have you don't that?" "Always, I only found out what it was when I started high school but I've never done any of those things" "That's cute Petey, I guess you won't be coming with me to parties or anything, since you don't drink" "Yeah I won't, plus I don't like people"

Patrick sips his coffee and smiles down at me "You're fun, I like being your friend" "I like being yours" "This might be a quick subject change but I wanna know. How long have you known me and what did you mean before?" "About what?" "You know what I mean, I don't wanna say it wrong and hurt you"

He's still just casually eating so I guess he's not too mad and hopefully he's not taking it badly, he seems fine with my emotions as long as he doesn't have to deal with it too much.

"I've liked you since I was in 6th grade" "I was in 8th" "Yeah" "I never knew you" "I ran into you in the hall one day and it was cliche as fuck because I dropped my books and you picked them up. I was stressed so you showed me to my class and it felt so good that this random older guy was nice to me" "I don't remember that" "You probably wouldn't, my friends were drifting away and my issues were getting worse so it meant a lot that you'd help me like that. Maybe if it had of been at a different time I wouldn't have remembered it but it was a small thing and it made me happy all day" "That's kinda sweet, if only I wasn't such a fuckboy" "Your not and I like you anyway"

I push myself closer as I bury my face in my mug of tea for a minute before I keep talking "My friends all kinda ditched me for other people so I always walked around until I found you and I sat somewhere near you because I wanted to go talk to you. You didn't know me and you'd just think I was such a weirdo but it was nice. I made up such stupid daydreams that you'd come talk to me or recognise me or just anything. Basically I was just desperate for friends but I couldn't make any so pretending to be your friend was all I had. You'll probably think I'm a stalker and maybe I sort of was but I didn't have anything else so I'm sorry"

Patrick doesn't seem to creeped out when I take his hand again which I guess is a good thing. "That's creepy Pete, it's cute but creepy" "Yeah I know" "I guess you got what you wanted" "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so creepy" "It's ok, I like you anyway and you just keep shocking me so I should expect it" "I'm just so creepy but you seemed really cool and you were nice to me so I just made up daydreams. Other people probably do it too but they would want sex with you which is less creepy then wanting to be your friend" "Wanting to be friends is way less creepy then wanting my dick up you, if you wanted that you could've asked" "But people want hook ups all the time, people don't just ask to be friends, that's weird" "Wanna know why I asked you on a date to start with?"

I'm not sure how good an idea it is to ask because it was probably a joke but I wanna know. Maybe it'll be nicer then I expect so I want to know why Patrick wanted me, it's not like I'm popular or super attractive or known to be a slut so I'm curious.

"Tell me" "I sound like an asshole but it for a dare" "Is all this a dare?" "No this isn't a dare but the original date was" "So I lost my virginity because you were dared to? Did you know all along?"

The sad thing is that I don't care if it was a joke or a dare, I still want to be around him. Even if I get made fun of everyday and everything Patrick's told me is a joke I'll still do anything he says. He embarrassed me and took something so special from me on a dare but I'm still in love with the guy and I'd do anything for more time with him.

"Pete no, I obviously didn't know and sleeping with you was because you're hot and I was horny" "What was the dare?" "My friends dared me to ask a 10th grader on a date and we looked around at some people then I saw you and thought you'd be fun. You were by yourself and wearing a black sabbath shirt which I thought was cool so I went over and asked you out" "What was the dare though?" "To ask a 10th grader out" "And sleep with them?" "Of course not, a lot of 10th graders would be 15 and I'm not stupid and slutty enough to do that" "So it was just me?" "Yeah, you said you were 16 so I wanted it, fuck I wanted it really bad"

He makes me feel really good so I cuddle up to him and kiss his jaw before sipping some more of my warm tea. He's not mad at me and it feels so good, I might not loose him completely even if I'm not his favourite anymore. Plus he actually wanted me, the guy I love saw me and he wanted me too, maybe it was just a dare and he wanted a quick fuck but I can live with that. The fact that he saw me and chose me over other people means a lot, I guess sitting near him every lunchtime this year has payed off.

Patrick leans down to kiss me then finishes the rest of his coffee "We have school, I don't think you wanna be late" "I don't" "Yeah, you're cute and obedient" "Will things be different now?" "I don't know Petey" "I want them to be the same but can you tell me if you decide to hate me? I'd rather be told then have you just draw away from me" "I don't hate you, I don't know if I can sleep with you anymore though" "I'm not a clingy virgin, you can do anything you want but I do like hooking up with you"

After considering it for a minute Patrick pulls me up to my feet and wraps an arm around my waist "I'll think about it, I'm still your friend though" "I like that, I wanna be your friend" "I can't give you monogamy though, I can't have a pretty little happy romance where we're each other's one and only, it's not me right now" "I know, I'd never ask for that, I spent 4 years wanting to be your friend and I do have a crush on you but I know that's not you so I'll take anything you want to give me" "Friends with benefits, that's what I want" "I like that, I get to hook up with you and have a friend, I really like it"


	7. Chapter 7

**Pete's POV**

Patrick drives me to school and even when I offer to get out a couple of blocks away so people don't see us he refuses. I guess I am still his fuck buddy so he doesn't mind being seen around me, maybe I'm actually worthy of his time.

At lunch I sit where I always do but Patrick never shows up to sit with his friends so I read a book for the rest of lunch. He's probably hooking up with someone else so I won't message him like a creep, it's obviously not his thing to only have one person and I won't try to make it so that it is. 

After school I wait around for a while to see if Patrick comes out but he doesn't. I was hoping he'd walk out and see me and decide to talk to me or take me home again but it's pretty ridiculous. He was only going to have a few friends with benefits but he'll still probably have at least 4 so I can't go home with him every night. Plus we're probably only going to be friends now because I've made him too uncomfortable to want to sleep with me anymore.

It's the same pattern for the rest of the week, I wait for him before school and after school and sit in the same spot at lunch but he never seems to notice. It's only been a couple of days but being friendless never feels good, especially after having a friend for such a short time.

On Friday I do the same thing as always then after waiting by the front of school for Patrick I give up and go to the library until my 4:30 bus home. I'm distracted walking down the hall and crash into someone but quickly step around them and try to keep walking.

They grab my waist though and pull me against their chest "Where've you been?" "Hi Patrick" "Hey" "I've been here" "I haven't seen you in a while" "Yeah".

He kisses the exposed bit of my neck above my shirt making me giggle "I missed you, I have too many girls around all the time" "Get some more guys" "It's hard, basically every girl wants to hook up with me but guys usually wouldn't" "I definitely want to though" "I know, that's why I'm happy I found you, come home with me" "I thought your grandparents were coming" "How did you remember that?" "I don't have any other friends telling me things so I don't have much to remember" "Your right, they're coming tonight so I need a hook up before I'm confined to the house for a week" "Ok"

I was going to study but Patrick's more important then that, I obviously won't be able to be around him for a week so it's a good opportunity. I'd do anything he wanted though so I follow him willingly to his car.

"Patrick I don't think I wanna meet your parents" "You won't, they'll be at the airport" "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "Of course, don't you trust me?" "I do, I just don't need your grandparents seeing us having sex" "They won't"

He takes me out to his car and we drive to his house which is luckily empty. I'm thrown down on his bed quickly as Patrick pulls his clothes off and waves at me to do the same so we're both quickly naked.

I guess he really does just want a quick fuck today because we don't have much time and I don't wanna get interrupted. Patrick spreads my legs and pushes a finger roughly inside me as soon as I'm naked so I lie back and moan softly. I really like his fingers and it's nice he's still taking time to finger me even when we're in a hurry, he's so nice to me.

As he fingers me he passes me a condom and lube for me to put onto him as he increases the number of fingers then pulls out "You good Petey?" "Yeah" "You sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure" "It's only your third time and I don't need you bleeding like the first time, I don't like hurting people, especially not with sex" "I won't bleed, I promise" "I'm serious though, tell me if you need more, if we do this a lot you'll get used to it but I'm not doing that" "I'm fine, just go slow to start with and it'll be all fine"

With a kiss he pushes into me and my arms slide around his neck. I kinda like the person I turn into when he fucks me because I'm so needy and desperate for him but I sexy plus its such a good feeling to make such a gorgeous man horny.

"Faster Patrick" "You can take it?" "I'll take fucking anything right now". He pounds into me like I told him to and starts biting at my neck to make love bites which look really good on my neck but hurt like hell to make. Some people like them but they hurt a bit for me so I wish there was a less painful way of getting marks from Patrick for everyone to see.

Quickly Patrick wraps my legs around his waist so my hips are raised and he can fuck me even harder so I have to pull him off my neck and back to my lips before I scream in pleasure. Being with someone like Patrick who hooks up with so many people sucks sometimes, but it does make the sex feel really good because he knows where every button I have is and he presses all of them at the same time.

"I'm close Patrick" "Fuck me too" "Fuck this was so quick" "It was meant to be, I can give you hour long love making another time but this time I just need a good hard fuck because we don't have a lot of time" "Touch me, please touch me" "Wait for me to finish" "God fucking please" "Don't be a whore, you'll take what I give you" "Can't you give me a handjob? I'll take that gladly" "Don't be needy, it's my house and my fucking rules"

He sounds so dominant but the way he giggles and starts slowly jerking me off say otherwise. He's cute when he tries to be an asshole and boss me around but he can't do it, he's such a cutie sometimes. I can really see why I like this guy so much.

Patrick comes hard inside me with a final bite at my neck then let's me follow him so I can lie dazed on the bed as he gets rid of the condom and lies back next to me.

Eventually we put boxers on and crawl into his bed so I can cuddle against his chest and he can tuck his chin onto the top of my head. "That was so fucking good" "I know, sometimes going quick is really good" "It can be good" "Can be? It is good" "Yeah, your right"

I lean my head up so Patrick gets the idea and kisses me again. He's a lot gentler then before which is good because my lips are bruised along with my neck so anymore biting and sucking would hurt.

We make out slowly, cuddled up in a way I love so much, until his door slams open and Patrick almost flies out of bed in shock. I sit there staring at his mother standing there looking annoyed at her son as he gets off the floor, grumbling about his ass.

"Petey this is my mother" "Oh ok, nice to meet you Mrs Stump". I pull Patrick's bed covers over my lap so try to hide that I'm only in boxers which isn't very convincing since Patrick's in them too. He's back in his tight sexy ones which is a shame because I miss the Jack Skellington ones but I guess he hooked up with other people today who might not have found it so cute.

"Mom can you get the hell out" "Language Patrick, I told you your grandparents were coming" "I thought you'd be in later" "Their flight was early" "Oh, I didn't hear the car" "Obviously, who is he?" "My friend" "Friend?" "Friend with benefits" "Well now he's your boyfriend, your grandmas had enough shocks in her life so she doesn't need to see her grandson half naked with man who he's not even dating" "I'll just sneak him out" "No you will not, at least make their trip good, if you insist on bringing people here at least make it this one"

Patrick groans loudly but kisses my cheek "You ok with that? Wanna be my boyfriend for a week". He knows I do because I like him so much so it's kinda mean to ask. I don't know if he wants to let me have this for a week or if he wants to take advantage of the fact I like him so much but I'm willing to do it. It'll only be at his house but it would feel really good to be his boyfriend, I have wanted it for so long so it'd be nice to finally have something even if it's pretend.

"Yeah I'll be your boyfriend" "You can have slow love making if that's what you want" "Yeah ok, maybe it'll be even more fun then quick sexy hook ups" "I don't do it much so it'd be pretty nice, maybe fucking you for an hour would be even better then just 5 minutes".

He kisses my cheek again which is definitely something I could get used to then pulls me to his feet so we can put on our clothes again. It's still so awkward but I guess it is better then someone walking in during us having sex, she probably knows but at least she didn't see.

Patricks grandparents seem really nice and greet me really nicely which makes me feel good. My own grandparents are all dead so having a nice old lady squish my cheeks is so cute.

Patrick introduces me as his boyfriend which gets me more cheek squishing then I'm asked to stay for dinner to which I say yes to.

I guess I did well because Patrick pulls me into the hall while his mother sets the table "Thank you, you're good at this" "They're nice" "Yeah they are, I like them" "Do you mind me staying?" "No, I like it actually, if they like you then I'll be allowed to be with you all week" "Do you mind me being your boyfriend?" "No, it's not forever and I don't wanna hurt you but it's just until my grandparents leave" "I know, you'd never want to date me" "I don't date Petey, it's not something I want to do right now. Once they leave we'll go back to exactly what we were before though, I've missed you" "Were you avoiding me?" "A little bit but I have a lot of people wanting me so you can't expect me all the time"

He kisses me again then takes my hand "Come on cutie let's go and be a gross lovey couple" "Ok" "You really are enjoying this aren't you?" "Yeah a little bit" "You're enjoying this a lot you cheeky little slut"

Before his mother comes out he grabs my ass and leans down to my ear "You're gonna play nice and show exactly how much you love me and if you do well we can do anything you want tomorrow. I'll do hour long love making or another quick fuck or anything, I need this to go well though" "It will, I'm already in love with you so it won't be hard to show that"

With a happy sigh he pulls me back to the dining table and we sit opposite his family. I get a lot of questions but it's pretty easy to answer them because most of it is the truth, I just have to skip over the fact that we're actually friends with benefits not boyfriends.

By the time I'm allowed to leave I'm super tired but it feels really good and Patrick makes out with me in his car for a while as we sit outside my house. "Thank you Pete, that went better then it ever could have with someone else" "I liked it, plus you're paying me back tomorrow" "I'll meet you after school ok?" "Ok" "I promised a girl I'd be with her before school but you can come to me at lunch" "I don't know if I can do it twice in a couple of hours" "No, we're friends, if you ever wanna just be friends we can be together at lunch" "You have so many other friends" "Yeah so you can join, I don't mind"

We kiss again then I get out and go home as Patrick drives off home. I don't really wanna be around his attractive popular friends and have to watch lots of people come over asking for stuff but I don't have other friends. I'd like to be with him alone but I know I can't be desperate like that so I'll just try going over. If it sucks I can pretend to go to the bathroom to escape, people have done that to me a lot though so I don't think I'd want to.

He's not mad at me which is great and he still wants the same things as me. I didn't see him for a while but now he wants me again so I'll be there as much as he wants me to be.


	8. Chapter 8

At lunch I wait a while to see if Patrick will ask me over or notice me or go off with someone else but he's just sitting with his friends. A couple of girls he's apparently hooked up with are there so I guess they're ok with people going over. I still know I can leave if people don't want me or if Patrick leaves, this is all so awkward.

Slowly I walk over and stand behind Patrick until he notices me "Hey, I thought you'd ditched me" "No" "Come here". He scoots over so I can sit next to him on the bench and I can put an arm around his waist. No one else that he hooks up with is sitting right next to him and his friends wouldn't do this to him so I don't feel too bad about doing it, especially when he puts an arm around my shoulders.

I can trail my fingers along his back and its really nice to just be here and not have to hide or be embarrassed. Patrick pretty much talks to everyone except me but he never tells me to stop touching him so I just keep doing it.

Today hasn't been great so far because I have an essay due in english and I don't know how to do it but this is kind of calming. People don't seem to care about me which is good because getting to touch a guy I really like while not having to interact with other people is a great lunchtime.

Like I thought other people come over to talk to Patrick or ask him for hook ups but he usually says no which is good. He doesn't hook up with everyone so it helps with my confidence to be one of the ones he does like.

His friends start daring each other to do stuff so I have to let go of Patrick and hug my knees while he makes out with a girl. I'm glad I'm still being ignored and I don't have to do anything with them but I miss touching him, I don't really have anything to do except watch him kiss a girl.

While he's busy I grab my bag and walk off which pretty much everyone else ignores. I don't wanna get dared to do anything and I don't wanna have to sit around being ignored and I feel awkward. I can't eat in front of people and I'm really hungry so I need to leave, plus I think I need more pills again because I'm so stressed because of all the work I have to do. I'm not too bad at english but my teacher sucks so I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do well if I'm so confused.

For the rest of lunch I sit in my usual place to watch Patrick from afar and eat slowly. He doesn't seem to notice or care I'm gone because he puts his arm around the girl he was kissing and doesn't seem surprised I'm not there anymore. Maybe he was just being nice, I pretended to be his boyfriend and made his family happy so maybe he felt like he should do something for me. It was probably awkward for him to listen to me tell his family how much I love him though so he obviously wouldn't want me around.

I guess he's forgotten about after school because he's found someone else so I won't get anything from him today. He promised to do it slow and make it special but that's obviously not his style so I shouldn't be surprised he doesn't want it.

Math is pretty good because the guy next to me is kind of nice and he's the only person who bothers with that. Gym is also good because we're doing cross country so I can just run until I forget my problems.

I'm sweaty and gross when class finishes so I decide to just stay in my gym clothes and jog home because there's no point making my school clothes dirty.

Patrick's waiting outside school for me though so I don't manage to sneak past him before he catches up to me. "Hey cutie" "Hi" "You look cute" "I was running and I didn't bother changing" "You coming home with me?" "You want me to?" "Yeah of course" "I thought you'd have someone else, I was with you yesterday so I thought you'd want someone else instead" "No I promised I'd be with you, plus my mother would kill me if I took anyone else home" "Ok, whatever you want"

I follow him to his car and hug my knees again as he drives. He doesn't care that I left at lunch so I guess he did see me but doesn't really care.

I don't know how to tell him that I'm freaking out because I'm stressed and don't have any more pills so instead of telling him I want to go home, I stay in his car.

Everything seems to be hard when we get to his house because Patrick takes me up to his room and I just sit on the bed and watch him strip. I'm still on the verge of panicking and seeing Patrick get naked isn't helping. He obviously fucked someone else today because there's hickies and nail marks down his chest and I'm trying to not care but I don't like that my man is with other people. I know he's not mine and never will be but everything I said to his family was true, I'm so in love with him and I'd do anything for him, I wish he could be only mine. I'd let him fuck me 10 times a fucking day if that's what it took but I wish he was interested in being my boyfriend.

He's obviously expecting me to strip as well which I can't do because I'm too awkward and afraid of it not being as good as he's used to. He promised me love making but long, slow sex isn't his thing so Patrick won't enjoy it plus I'm not in the mood for this right now but I don't have the balls to say it. There's nothing else I want so its not like I can suggest anything else so I'll pretend to like it. Maybe afterwards I can take one of his pills to try to calm myself down.

"Petey, you gonna get naked?" "Ok" "Come on, just because we're going slow doesn't mean you can mess with me and keep me waiting, I need you naked"

I pull my clothes off as fast as I can so I don't wanna stuff this up, then close my eyes as Patrick straddles me and marks my neck. If he didn't already have so many hickies I'd do it back but I don't like the idea of just being one of many people making marks on him. Maybe there's only specific people who can do it and I'm probably not one of them.

When he finishes I let him push me back and spread my legs. I still feel bad because he did this exact thing with the girl he hooked up with this morning and probably with the girl he kissed at lunch. I hate being one of the many people he's intimate with but I think I'm the only guy so maybe I'm a little bit special. That might not be a good thing though, it could just be because he prefers girls and I don't turn him on as much as them.

Patrick rubs his finger gently against my entrance and I try to relax but I'm totally in the wrong state of mind so I have to grab his hand and push him away. "Patrick can you stop please" "Why?" "I just...... I don't know" "You're allowed to not be in the mood" "But we're supposed to do this and I don't wanna waste my only chance but I can't"

I'm terrified he'll kick me out or not want me anymore but he pulls away from my open legs and lies next to me on his back "You're allowed to not be in the mood" "I should be though" "I turn people down all the time, it's ok" "But I'm not you, people don't say no to you" "Maybe that's why I like you, everyone needs a bit of change sometimes"

Since Patrick seems ok I lie my head on his shoulder and kiss under his ear "Thank you" "Don't thank me, I like people who get what they want" "Can we try again another time?" "If you want, you still have that monopoly thing I made you right?" "Yeah it's in my jeans" "Use it when you want to do this then, you'll never ask otherwise, I need to try hour long love making at least once"

We cuddle together and I lightly finger the trail of hair from his belly button down to his light pubic hair. "Patrick did you sleep with the girl from lunch?" "Which one?" "The one you kissed" "Oh that one, no I didn't" "Where did all those marks come from?" "The girl I slept with this morning" "Your sex life is like a British drama" "Shoving my dick in people is better then coronation street" "Yeah but it's just as confusing" "The girl got enthusiastic, I'm not super into it but she was like a vampire so this happened" "That's weird" "Everyone has weird fetishes" "I thought you would've hooked up with the girl from lunch though" "No there was no time and I wasn't in the mood, where did you go though, I was in the mood for you but you disappeared"

I keep touching the light hair and try to distract him but Patrick can be very determined "Where did you go? Are you sleeping with another man now?" "No, I wouldn't do that and I'd never find someone who wanted me that fast" "Your hot, it can totally happen" "I doubt it, I just left" "Was I boring you?" "No but your friends were playing games and I don't like getting dared to do anything. You had a girl so I didn't think I should be there, you'd hook up with her not me so I didn't wanna be hanging onto you like a loser" "You are a loser but I like it, it's nice to have people chasing me for something more then sex, it makes me feel good"

As I keep my finger moving just so I don't end up looking at him, Patrick starts peppering kisses over my face. "Next time don't leave me" "I just felt awkward" "Don't, you shouldn't feel bad around me" "If I leave but you wanna hook up I'll probably be somewhere around you, I usually sit in the same place all the time" "I'll remember that in case I need to drag you back to me"

He continues kissing all over my face and I wrap my hand around his hard on so he breaks away with a groan "What was that?" "You're hard, I thought I'd fix it for you" "Please do"

I jerk him off quickly so he comes over my fist then cuddle against him "Should I go?" "No, stay a while" "What do we do?" "I vote for food first then we can find something" "Do you have an Xbox?" "Yeah" "Maybe we can play something" "That'd be cool" "I bet I'll kick your ass in anything" "Oh really?" "Yeah I totally will" "Wanna make a bet on that?" "Hell yeah"

Smirking Patrick sits up and raises an eyebrow at me "You wanna make a bet?" "I already said yes" "You can beat me at any game?" "Yeah" "And I get to choose it?" "Yup" "What's the prize" "That's up to you, depending on how confident you are" "I'm really fucking confident" "So what do you want if you win?" "I wanna buy you a slave collar, one of those kinky BDSM ones and you have to wear it whenever I tell you to" "Even at school?" "Yeah, not in front of parents because that's going too far but any other time, even in the middle of school" "I want the same if I win, you have to wear one for me and you can't take it off, even if you hook up with someone else"

We shake hands then Patrick grabs my hand "Come on, I'm gonna kick your ass" "No way" "You'll look really cute in the collar, my cute little slut".

I'm really worried now because I don't even know what game he'll pick. Wearing the collar will be so humiliating especially if I'm alone or if Patrick's with someone else. It'll show how much I like Patrick which I'm already humiliated by but he'll be off hooking up with other people and I'll look so stupid. I bet he'll make a point of not hooking up with me or being near me all the time I'm wearing the stupid collar so it's not even like he's claiming me as his, it'll just be me loving him and everyone knowing he doesn't like me at all.

I guess having something from Patrick would be nice but I wish I could trust him enough to know he wouldn't just use it to look cool and make me look like a desperate whore.

Luckily Patrick picks GTA which is something I've played a lot so I might actually have a chance. Having Patrick wear that would be amazing and I'd feel like I was actually his favourite because he'd still be a little bit mine even when he was fucking other people.

We're tied and I'm really hoping I'll win when his mother walks in and turns off the TV making both of us scream. "Mother why would you do that!" Patrick shrieks as he grabs a blanket to throw over us and then collapses in my lap grumbling. It's pretty embarrassing that his mother walked in on us playing video games naked but I also really wanted to know who'd win. I guess now we'll have to have a rematch or we'll just have to say it's a tie.

"Mom get out" "What are you two doing?" "We had a bet, I was kicking his butt" "Do it with clothes on, grandma wants to see you and your boyfriend" "Fine we'll go get clothes" "Your grandparents are in the living room so you can't go upstairs, get some from the laundry"

She hurries out so Patrick sighs "I guess no one wins" "We can both do it" "You wanna?" "Yeah it wouldn't be too bad" "What's the point then?" "I wouldn't be so embarrassed if you did it too" "It's still basically a slave collar" "But people would see you wearing it and they'd probably think it was cool so they wouldn't think I'm a loser" "You just wanna make it look like we're dating" "Yeah I do but you already knew that"

I guess since I'm being pretty open with the fact I like him so much he's just accepting it which is nice, pretending I'm not super attracted is hard.

His clothes all smell like washing powder and they're nice and warm so I like them. The shirt he gives me is slightly too big so it's baggy in the front and the sweatpants take a while to tighten and flop over my feet slightly, like a onesie. The rest of his clothes seem smaller since he's not much bigger then me but he probably gave me the biggest ones so he has easy access down my pants.

Today his grandma squeezes my cheeks even tighter and I really do like this old lady. His grandpas pretty quiet so I just say hello and shake his hand then go back to Patrick who wraps an arm around my waist "My dad will be here soon" "Oh ok" "Remember when I said to pretend to be my tutor if my parents were here?" "Yeah I remember" "It was because I didn't really wanna tell him, I don't know how he'll react" "It'll be fine, your mother and grandparents were fine so he will be to" "Don't let me go" "I won't, it'll be all fine" "Yeah probably, I just really want his approval" "Are you scared of him?" "No not at all, I just don't want him to tell me he doesn't like me being gay, we're really close"

Patrick kisses the top of my head and tightens his arms "I don't wanna tell him, I want him to just see us and know" "Then let's just kiss when he comes in the door" "Ok, god I'm so glad I'm with you" "Why?" "You don't call me stupid and your actually just so nice about this" "I'm gay too, I know what coming out feels like"

I feel bad for Patrick because he seems so scared about it but the door slams shut so I wrap my arms around his neck and drag him into a kiss. Patrick eventually wraps his arms around my waist and relaxes into it when no one tells us to stop.

When I pull away his dad's in the doorway and he looks a lot like Patrick. He's got thick black glasses and looks like he'd be pretty nerdy which is nice. I was really hoping he wouldn't have a big scary dad with a gun or a dad who could kick the shit out if me so I'm really glad that he probably wouldn't, I'd at least get a head start if he's tougher then he looks.

Patrick's still terrified so I press my back against Patrick's chest so he can wrap his arms around me while I put my hand out and try to not seem like an awkward loser. "Hi Mr Stump, I'm Pete" "Hello, I'm Patrick's father" "Nice to meet you" "Are you with him?" "I'm his boyfriend if that's what your asking".

With a whimper Patrick tightens his arms around me and rests his chin on my shoulder "Hi dad, this is my boyfriend" "You never told me" "I haven't dated him for long" "It's nice to meet him". His dad really does seem nice and he seems to accept it even though Patrick was so scared he wouldn't.

Me, him and his family have dinner and it's really nice, Patrick seems more relaxed now and his family is nice, definitely nicer then mine.

After dinner we can go back to Patrick's room and I can grab my own clothes "Can I keep your clothes?" "No I don't have that many clothes" "But they're nice" "Only if I can have something of yours" "What do you want?" "I'll have to come to your house one time and find something" "I'm ok with that" "Wait, do you mean your keeping my pants too?" "Yeah" "I like that, they give me easy access, wear this to school tomorrow" "I wouldn't wear this in public though" "We're still doing slave collars, wearing my clothes isn't bad"

I press myself against him and put my arms around his waist "We're doing it together right?" "The collars?" "Yeah" "Yeah we're both doing it" "Can I be with you that day?" "You can whenever you want" "I don't wanna be made fun of" "You won't be" "But if you just make me do it and you don't do it it'll be embarrassing. I really didn't wanna fucking loose because I'd look like a fucking slave. You'll be off with other people and I'll just be a stupid kid who's in love with you and I'll be humiliating myself for a guy who doesn't even want me"

Patrick cups my cheeks and kisses me until I start blushing "I'm not an asshole Petey, you can stop hooking up with me anytime you want so I'm not going to drive you away by humiliating you. If you don't wanna do it you can just wear it for me, your not my slave so if it'll hurt you we'll forget this whole thing" "I don't wanna forget about it, I just don't wanna do it alone while you sleep with other people" "Then we won't, if I humiliate you you'll humiliate me and neither of us want that so we'll just be good, it'll be kinda cute" "Maybe it will be" "Thank you for helping me" "It was nice to help you come out to your father" "He'll want to talk about it but I have a boyfriend so it'll make things easier then having to explain" "Your welcome then" "Thank you very fucking much"


	9. Chapter 9

**Pete's POV**

Today I actually don't have to ask Patrick for anything or be embarrassed about going over to him because as soon as I walk into the courtyard at lunch he comes bounding over. "Come on, we're in the cafeteria" "Who?" "Me and my friends, they went out and bought pizza so we're eating it in there" "Do you want me there or should I just go find somewhere else to sit?" "Of course I want you there, that's why I'm waiting here for you" "You could have texted me" "Yeah but I wanted to wait for you, otherwise you might ignore me or you wouldn't wanna come over" "Thank you"

He's right because I would've been really scared to go over and sit with him with so many people around. I'd be so terrified of taking someone else's seat or people saying there's no room or telling me to fuck off so I'm glad Patrick waited for me. Instead of having to walk over in front of the whole school and ask Patrick to let me stay with him I'll get to walk with him and know he wants me there.

We walk to the cafeteria and Patrick sits me on his lap this time, probably so I can't run off like yesterday. Around us there's loads of pizza on the table and people have pulled up chairs from everywhere to eat. It's like a big gathering of popular people which is pretty scary since I'm the exact opposite of popular but if Patrick wants me here then I'm probably allowed to be here.

"Want anything cutie?" "Yeah, that'd be nice" "I fucking hate pineapples, do you like them?" "Yeah" "Good, have some then". He hands me a piece so I can take a bite and wrap my free arm around Patrick's neck.

Patrick's telling his friends about his bitchy math teacher so I listen as well then sit holding him tight when I finish my slice of pizza. I'm a teenage boy so I want more food but I still hate eating in front of people so I just finger at Patrick's shirt until he pecks my cheek. "Hey, you don't seem to be having fun" "No I am, I like it with you" "'My friends aren't bad you know" "I'm not even in the same fucking league as them, I'm only allowed in this room because of you, what am I supposed to say to them?" "This isn't fucking Mean Girls, we're not assholes" "I can't just talk to people, I'm fucking awkward"

I shove my face into his neck and start giving him light kisses. I don't really like it when he makes hickies on me because it hurts since I'm such a wimp but I wanna make some on him, I just don't know if I'm allowed. Patrick doesn't stop me though so I start sucking lightly and trying to make a hickey the way I saw on YouTube a while ago. It's pretty sad that all my knowledge on relationships and sex comes from hooking up with Patrick, YouTube or porn but it seems to be pretty good so far, Patrick hasn't complained so I must be good.

As I suck Patrick rubs his hand on my thigh "You don't have to talk to them, just don't seem so bored and annoyed" "I'm not, I just don't really know what to do" "Eat something or talk to me or jerk me off" "You're busy and I think that's illegal" "Public porn is totally illegal but it's hot" "Maybe, I could just grope your ass instead, you have a nice ass" "I definitely do, eat something" "Can you get me something?" "Haven't you got arms?" "I don't like just taking some" "It's food, have whatever you want" "I just don't like it" "You don't have to eat" "Never mind"

I'm still so freaking awkward and I hate it, why do I have to be so annoying and shy even around Patrick, I shouldn't be but I always am.

"Don't be a bitch, tell me what's crawled up your ass now" "Don't" "I'm an asshole and I freely admit it, tell me" "I don't like eating in front of people" "Your sitting on a popular boys lap, no ones gonna talk shit" "I'm just uncomfortable" "Tell me why" "I don't belong here so I don't want anyone to notice me or tell me to stop eating their food" "They won't" "That doesn't make it scare me any less" "If anyone says anything then they'll be insulting me too and my friend like me so they won't. Just do it, don't be scared of my friends, other people might be assholes but at least my friends will shut up if I ask them to"

I lean over to get another piece then snake my hand down to undo Patrick's belt. I easily loosen it so I can push a hand down the back of his jeans to grope the warm skin of his ass. He really can't do a lot since I'm on top of him and I know people probably won't be able to see anything so I tease my finger lower and kiss Patrick gently "Have you bottomed?" "Yeah I have" "Do you like it?" "I'm not really into being vulnerable. You really fucking turn me on though so get your hand out of my pants and we'll go find somewhere so I can fuck you"

Once I remove my hand he pulls me up while I quickly shove the crust in my mouth then pulls me away without bothering to say anything to his friends. I guess they're used to Patrick sleeping around and it's pretty obvious that we're not just running off to make friendship bracelets.

When we get there the door to Patrick's normal sex closet is locked so he smacks the door and groans "Fuck no, I need you" "You have a car" "I hate car sex, there's no room to do anything" "Your picky" "I do have a reputation so it's nice to have some space to work in" "Bathroom?" "Yeah I guess, people always fucking walk in though" "Go in a cubicle, they'll get the idea and leave" "Your getting naughty" "Yeah I know, I just want you"

We run to the nearest bathroom so Patrick can pin me to a wall and force his tongue into my mouth. My arms snake around his neck so I can hold him tight to me and kiss back harder.

After a lot of rough making out against the wall Patrick pushes his hands into the back pocket of my jeans and mumbles "Jump" against my lips. I do what he says and Patrick holds me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist and keep attacking his mouth with my own.

Someone walks in but they leave quickly when they see us so I just laugh against Patrick's mouth and grind down against him. Patrick holds me easily and squeezes my ass everytime I bite at his lip or make him moan.

I don't think I really wanna have sex against a wall in school so I unwrap my legs from Patrick so he puts me down then I flip us around and sink to my knees. Now Patrick's against the wall so people will see him and get the idea that they should leave when they walk in and this might be less awkward.

His pants easily come off and after just watching me for a minute Patrick loosely wraps his belt around the back of my neck. It should be scary but Patrick makes it feel pretty good so I lean in to kiss his tip to get him hard then suck him fully into my mouth when Patrick tugs on the belt.

After I bob my head a few times Patrick drops to his knees too and hungrily takes my mouth in his own so I sink into the kiss. I don't notice him tying my hands together behind my back until he tightens them and pulls away from my lips "That's much better" "I liked it around my neck" "But I like you looking helpless down there, let me take a picture" "No" "Just for me, I won't post it if you don't want me to" "It's embarrassing" "But you're just so beautiful" "Fine"

He stands back up so I suck him back into my mouth so I don't have to watch him do this and make myself look like an idiot. When I look up Patrick's smiling down at me and takes a bunch of pictures before I look away again in embarrassment.

"Fuck you look hot" "I thought you didn't like pictures of yourself naked" "I don't, you can't tell it's me though" "It obviously is" "But it's not so embarrassing, it just looks like a pretty boy sucking cock"

I try to swallow him deeper to make up for not being able to use my hands but I just choke and pull away quickly. It was a really gross sound and I don't wanna turn him off by choking and not being able to handle it.

Patrick pulls on my hair though and whines loudly "More Pete" "I didn't mean to choke" "That doesn't matter, a pretty boy choking on my big cock is such a hot sight" "You like it?" Yeah of course I do, you make me like most things" "Am I your favourite?" "I dunno, you're one of them" "But am I your favourite?" "I can't tell you that, it'll make you stop going after me" "But I really wanna know" "You're one of my favourites, I've only fucked you like twice though" "Wrong answer"

I swallow him back down again until he hits the back of my throat then start going as quick and as deep as I can. I so so badly wanna be his favourite so if I can get him to say it just once then I'll feel really really good.

Quickly I manage to reduce Patrick to a string of moans, swear words and strange nicknames for me. He gets close quickly so I slow down and only suck at his tip for a while until Patrick's swearing and begging me to do anything. I haven't done this much but I think I kinda know what he likes so I run my tongue down a vein on the underside of his dripping cock then sink down as far as I can go. I'm still not great at this but I let his dick hit the back of my throat and look up at him with the best sex eyes I can manage.

With more cursing and moaning Patrick comes straight down my throat which I easily manage to swallow since it's already right down my throat.

Patrick's always a bit of a mess after he comes and this times so different so I wiggle backwards as he sits on the floor by me. "Patty" "Yeah" "Am I your favourite?" "Oh fuck yeah, fuck you're the best I've ever fucking had"

I manage to ease my hands out of the belt he tied them with and shake it off so I can go over to wrap my arms around his chest. I know he only said it because I blew him and he's in a lot of pleasure but it feels nice, I always want to impress Patrick and its nice that maybe I do. I'll never be his boyfriend or be anything more then a hook up and a friend to him but its still special that maybe for a few minutes he does like me better then his other hook ups.

"Your so good at manipulating me, it's so fucking hot" "I just like blowing you, how could you accuse me of these things" "You're a bad slut" "I'm a great slut, you've never complained before" "Well you're a fucking amazing slut but your bad for me" "I'm just trying to break you of your slutty ways" "I like my slutty ways" "I am your pretend boyfriend, I have priority so I should be allowed to make you admit I'm your favourite" "What if your not?" "Then you'll have to get a new fake boyfriend, it's just for this week anyway" "Yeah, I hope my grandparents leave soon" They're nice though" "But I hate pretending" "Can I come over tomorrow?" "Sure, whatever you want" "Can you come over tonight?" "To your house?" "Yeah, my parents are asking about what I'm doing every night" "Tell them your doing me" "But they think I'm doing drugs or something, they probably wouldn't care if I was but I don't like it, I want them to meet you, just quickly"

I'm still manipulating him because he's tired and more submissive then usual from the blowjob so there's a better chance of him saying yes and I really need it.

"Please Patrick" "What are they like?" "They want me to socialise and hook up and get drunk and be popular, just make up some lies or something" "Oh great, more lying" "It's easy, just make up ridiculous answers if they ask what we've done together, tell them about some party or orgy or crack house visit you've done and they'll love it" "I don't like the sound of them" "If they had a son like you they'd probably be happy but I'm a loser so they're constantly disappointed" "That sucks" "They care about me and they're alright parents but I'd much prefer to not be allowed to date than to be told to join a gay orgy every weekend" "I've never done one of those" "Don't mention that to them, they'll kick us out and tell us to join one"

Patrick giggles and pulls me closer to his chest. He always says he doesn't like cuddling but he's ok with me hugging him and sitting on his lap after sex so maybe he's just trying to be tough and manly. I like it when he's not though, it means I can make up more fantasies about actually being with him and being more then just another hook up.

"I'll drop you off at your house, meet your parents then steal some of your clothes. You stole my clothes yesterday and I need replacements" "I don't have many clothes and they all suck" "It doesn't matter, I'm gonna wear them to school tomorrow and I want you to wear mine" "I can't wear your sweatpants" "Yeah you can" "Fine, whatever"

It's nice when I can talk Patrick into things but it's not so nice when he does it to me. "You said once that you'd bottomed right?" "Did I really tell you that?" "Yeah" "Well yeah, I have bottomed before" "Can I top you then?" "Depends if you think you'll be any good at it" "I've got you so I'll be good" "I don't know how to bottom well so it'll be all up to you" "I'll try, it can't be too hard"

Patrick sighs and kisses my cheek "Don't tell anyone I've bottomed, it's embarrassing" "I'm not embarrassed" "But I am" "I won't tell anyone, who would I tell?" "Good point, I'll meet you after school"

He stands up, fixes his pants then jogs out of the bathroom, leaving me on the floor embarrassed about asking for that. Maybe I overstepped but at least I tried and I've really wanted to know if he was serious about having bottomed before.

After school I wait in front of the school watching the front gate until Patrick creeps up behinds me and grabs my shoulders to scare the shit out of me. I jump and smack his shoulder when I realise its him, then let him lead me to his car.

When we get to my house my parents are in the kitchen so I kiss Patrick quickly then hold his hand to lead him in so my mother sees us "You're early Pete, do- Oh who's this?" "This is Patrick" "Is this the one you're sleeping with?" "Yeah, he's my fuck buddy"

I'm really hoping to get told off for swearing so my parents can do their jobs right for once but my mother just smiles "You two can go upstairs then, I won't keep you, have fun".

Patrick raises his eyebrow at me but let's me drag him to my room and lock the door. "I've never seen a mother who's so excited about her son having sex" "Your mother doesn't mind" "She doesn't like that I sleep around but she knows I'm safe about it and I use protection. She can't do anything about it because I'm 18 so I'm an adult but she's not as enthusiastic as your parents" "Yeah they want me to have fun and that's not really my thing, I think they just want me out of the house so they can do something fun instead of babysitting their loser kid"

I stop talking when Patrick starts exploring my closet but he looks at me and rolls his eyes "They're your parents, they don't want to get rid of you" "No they just think I'm wasting my life, they're not wrong" "I'll make sure you have more fun, I'll make you explode with fun"

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes while he turns back and throws a hoodie over his shoulder "Can I take this one?" "Were you gonna give it back?" "Not unless you give back mine" "I guess you can keep it then, it's old" "I need pants, where are your pants?" "On the shelves along the side"

He looks through them until he finds the sweatpants I got from when I went to a Chicago Bulls game with my dad. "Can I have these?" "Go ahead, id never wear them because I don't do sports and I'm not a Bulls fan" "I'm a Bulls fan so I want them, I'll give you something better if I can keep them" "I want you to bottom for me and I wanna keep your clothes" "I already agreed to bottoming and I'd love for you to keep my clothes and wear them all the time, you wasted your chance" "I don't need anything from you" "Oh really?"

Looking down at me with sex eyes Patrick steps closer and pulls me to his chest "You don't need me to kiss you?" "Maybe I do need that" "Hell yeah you do"

We fall back onto my bed and I throw my arms around Patrick's neck as he presses his lips to mine. For a while we roll around on my bed making out until I pull back and lie my head on his chest "Thanks Trick, do you think we've been up here long enough?" "Long enough for what?" "My parents to think we've had sex or done something good" "I think the kissing was good" "I do too but since you're here I might as well convince them we're doing dirty things so they'll be happy to let me hang out with you whenever I want" "Hm, good thinking, I think we've been up here long enough" "And I've messed up your hair so you look like you had sex" "Come here, I'll mess yours up more"

He tackles me down again and presses his lips back to mine so I roll my body against his and let him mess my hair. After a few more minutes of Patrick running his hands through my hair and exploring my mouth with his tongue, he pulls back and smirks at me. "I think you're messed enough" "I don't think so, get back here"

I've given up on dignity so I pull him back desperately and pout when he doesn't let me kiss him. "Please Patrick" "I thought you just wanted me to mess up your hair" "I changed my mind, I just wanna make out"

Patrick smirks but finally lets me kiss him so my hands can go into his back pockets. It's something he's done with me before and it's always super sexy so I try doing it for Patrick and smile against his lips when he moans. "Fuck you make me horny baby" "Keep kissing me, don't talk, just kiss" "Needy boy"

I love when Patrick's in a flirty, teasing mood because it's so easy to relax and be flirty back. I'm happy while he kisses me and continues grinding down on me so I'm even sadder when he pulls away from the second time. "Patrick why?" "We should go" "I think I'm just gonna stay home" "Why? We could find something to do" "No I just feel like staying home, I'm sure you'll find something to do" "Ok, I'll message you if I don't find anything that matches up to you, walk me out though"

As much as I want to spend the rest of the night rolling around with Patrick in bed, I know he wants to do something fun so I grab his hand and walk back to the kitchen with him. "Mom, Patrick's leaving" "Are you going with him?" "No he's got stuff to do and I've got a shitload of homework"

She seems disappointed but when she sees how messed up we are she smiles and pats Patrick's shoulder "Have fun Patrick, thank you for making Pete have fun for once" "You're welcome Mrs Wentz, I'll see you another time"

He kisses my cheek then walks out the door with the clothes he's taking from me. I get a quick wink before he leaves so I then get some of the tacos my mothers made for dinner and go back upstairs to find something good to watch while I wait and hope for Patrick to text.


	10. Chapter 10

Yesterday at my house with Patrick was really nice but today has been really long and hard. I never really realise how lonely it is without friends until I need to talk to someone. Patrick's the only person I have who I can talk to so I build up the courage to go over so I can spend a little bit of time with him to stop feeling so lonely.

When I get over to him I stand there for a few seconds, hoping he'll notice me, but he doesn't so I tap his shoulder and try not to start blushing. "P-Patrick?" "Yeah Pete?" "Um...... Here". I've had such a bad day and it's so stressful to always have to ask Patrick if he wants me so I dig the monopoly card he made me out of my pocket and shove it in his hand. I don't know what I'm supposed to use it for but I'm just too scared to ask him whether I can be with him so hopefully he let's me stay. Even if he thinks I want to fuck and takes me off for sex at least I can be with him and I know he'll make me feel good because of how amazing he is.

Patrick smiles and pulls me into his lap so I can lean against his chest and sigh. His hands rub at my back until I feel so much better and can actually breathe normally.

"Pete are you ok?" "Yeah I'm fine" "Why'd you come here?" "I just wanted a friend for a little bit, I'll leave if you want" "No, stay here with me for a bit" "Sorry for being a loser, I don't have other friends so I wanted you" "That's fine, I like seeing you" "I can leave, I will leave" "No, I want you here"

He does seem to like me so I settle back on his lap and grab onto his hand "Thanks for being my friend" "I like it, are you sure you're ok?" "Yeah" "You never needed the card before" "I wasn't ready for coming over and having to beg to stay, I just needed to know I would be allowed to sit with you for a few minutes" "Of course you can stay, what's wrong?" "Nothing it's just been a hard day" "Tell me about it, whats up?" "It doesn't matter" "It does to me so if you ever wanna talk I'm right here"

I stay against his chest and for a while I just enjoy having someone who's willing to listen to me and let me be with them whenever they need me. I'll pay Patrick back for letting me stay but it is nice that he cares about me enough to put up with me on my bad days.

There's not long left of lunch so I can stay on Patrick's lap for the next 10 minutes then get off when he tells me to. "Promise you're ok?" "I promise" "That's good, I get bad days too and they fucking suck" "They do, what class do you have?" "English" "Wanna ditch?" "I don't usually ditch, my parents don't like it" "I thought you'd want to, we could go to your closet or the bathroom" "I'd love too but I don't think my parents would like me ditching class to get laid, I didn't think you'd want to ditch either" "I just don't wanna go to class, sorry" "What's wrong?" "I just don't wanna go, I don't wanna ditch but I don't wanna go" "Alright, just go to the classes and try to stick it out ok? I'll see you after school" "Ok, please message me though" "I will and it's only 2 more periods"

Both classes are just as crap as the first ones despite Patrick talking to me the whole time and sending me funny pictures of himself or his class whenever he can. My phones full of pictures of Patrick's cute face by the end of the day which is probably the only good thing I can say about today. I don't know why I feel so crappy but just get really bad days and hopefully Patrick doesn't mind that I'm so down today.

He's waiting at the front of the school and wraps me in his arms so I can enjoy his hug. "Hey Petey" "Hi" "Are you feeling better?" "I'm feeling worse" "I'm sorry, wanna do something?" "It's ok, I should just go home and take more pills" "You can't rely on pills all the time, let me make you feel better and it'll work so much better then the drugs" "Fine" "Come on, we can just go to my house and hang out, it'll make you feel better" "Can we not go there? I don't wanna have to be social with your parents and your grandparents" "Ok, where do you wanna go?" "I don't know"

Patrick shakes his head but he takes my hand and starts leading me back towards the school "Come on, we're going exploring" "I know what the school looks like" "Yeah but that's ok, we'll find somewhere we like. How about we just ask questions and tell stories, it'll hopefully calm you down" "Ok, you first" "Would you tell me if you had a terrible day or would you just pretend you were fine? Do you trust me?" "I told you today because I needed you but I probably wouldn't, we're not dating so you don't need to know about my crap" "But you're my friend, I'd tell you if my day was crap because you actually listen and you'd try to make it better, you can tell me if you feel crap" "I feel crap and you know that, I trust you but I don't wanna annoy you"

We walk across the football field as I try to think of a question for Patrick but after a while of silence I find one. "What was your first time like?" "Can anybody honestly say that their first time was good? It was pretty lame" "Mine was kind of amazing" "Really?" "Yeah you made me feel really good and I would have enjoyed anything with you" "I'm glad. My first time was a couple of years ago with a girl and it was kind of nice, both of us were virgins and we'd dated a couple of weeks so we just decided to do it. She moved away a couple of months later so we broke up and I decided to just sleep around. It wasn't horrible but it wasn't anything mind blowing, at least I wasn't drunk and we didn't have a bad break up afterwards so there's no bad memories"

Finally we get to the end of the field and Patrick turns to me "Think you can climb the goal?" "It's like double my height" "Come on, I'll race you" "Fine, I want a head start" "10 seconds" "Starting now"

I run over and start climbing up the side while Patrick starts counting and laughs at me scrambling around trying to climb. When I get up I perch on top and wave to Patrick who's got his phone pointed at me "You filming me?" "Just taking pictures because you looked too cute to resist" "Get up here" "Alright, let me post them first" "Hurry up, I'm cold and lonely"

Patrick manages to climb easier than me so I take his hand again and swing my legs "Your turn" "Tell me how you feel" "I'm alright, you make me feel good" "I told you I can be better than the pills" "You are" "What got you down though?" "I don't know, people called me a faggot this morning and the classes were hard and lonely so I'm just in a bad mood" "You're not shy about being gay are you?" "No but it's embarrassing, I hate being insulted for it" "That really sucks" "And it's not like I have friends to tell them to shut up or to tell me it's ok or to take my mind off it, I just hate it" "Am I not your friend?" "You are but you have other friends and no one would call you a faggot" "Is that the only thing upsetting you?" "No I woke up tired and in a bad mood so it's just continued all day" "Do you want the card back?" "Yes please"

He pulls it out of his front pocket and hands it to me so I can hug it against my chest. "You can use it whenever" "I'll only use it when I feel really bad or if I'm really nervous to talk to you" "Don't be nervous" "I don't wanna get turned down" "I won't, if I do it it'll just be because I don't think you'd wanna be around other people I hook up with" "I wouldn't want to be, it'd be really humiliating" "Can I ask another question?" "Yeah" "Does it hurt you when I hook up with other people? Do you wish you'd never met me so you could be in love with someone who isn't a fuckboy?" "I like you and I'm glad I met you or I'd still be sad and alone. It hurts a bit when you're with other people but it's what you do so its ok. I don't wanna loose you completely because I get sad every time someone else gives you a blowjob"

I'm starting to tear up and it's so stupid that I can't even answer a question without getting sad. He means a lot to me so I do get really sad at the idea of him talking like this to lots of other people and of lots of other people being intimate with him. Maybe I'm just romantic and possessive but I've loved him for years and he's my closest friend so I don't want him to suddenly abandon me.

"Why are you crying Pete?" "I'm not, I'm sorry" "Don't be, does it hurt you that I'm a slut?" "It hurts how little you care about some people" "I care about people" "Some people you do care about but you easily stop hooking up with people and you have so many friends with benefits that I don't wanna just be another one. You only sleep with a few and the rest you just don't care about, I don't wanna be one of them. What do I do when you find someone else to spend all your time with? I don't have 10 other people to sleep with and a hundred friends who'll talk shit behind your back to convince me not to be sad. If you get bored of me then I'm all alone again, no fucking sex card will help that and I'm just not prepared to get comfortable having you as a friend when I know what's coming"

Even though it's all I want, I push Patrick away when he tries to put an arm around me and throw the card back at him "I won't use this because you don't need to be around me when I'm in a bad mood, I'm a fuck buddy so stop treating me like anything else, it hurts too much because I'll never get what I want so I should give up" "What do you want?" "You know what I want" "Tell me again" "I want to know that you like me and that I'm not just someone you put up with because you have to and that I am a priority. I know I'll never be your first priority but I want to be kind of important to you" "I thought you'd want to be the only one I'm with" "But I know I never will be, I'm ok with you having lots of fuck buddies but I don't wanna stop being one of them"

I try to pull away again but Patrick grabs me tight and wraps me up in his arms then wipes my tears off. It feels really nice that he does care about me but it's so embarrassing how many times he's had to wipe away my tears.

"I'm sorry Pete, I wish I could be who you want me to be" "But you are, I've loved you for so long and you are perfect" "But I wish I was better" "I love you the way you are" "I'm not just going to leave you straight away" "The idea of you leaving at all is terrifying" "I won't we're friends and I'm not an ass" "But this is your last year of school, you'll be gone next year" "Unless I fail which seems likely right now" "Really?" "Yeah but lets forget about that. I promise I will be your friend until the end of the year, probably more but I promise to stay with you" "Why?" "I don't get bored of people that fast, especially not when we actually like each other and are actually friends. We've hooked up like 3 or 4 times so I know you interest me, if we do it more then once or twice it means I do like you"

I lean in and kiss him until he almost falls off the goal and I have to grab onto him and hug him tight "You're not getting away that easy" "I wouldn't want to" "Can I ask a question?" "Go ahead" "Have you ever been scared about liking guys? Are you shy about being gay?" "I'm not gay, I've told you that" "I don't know what to call you" "Fine, just say I'm bi or pan or queer or whatever" "I'll just say bi because I know you've slept with guys and girls" "Ok. I was never really scared because I have a gay friend, I don't know if you know him but he's got a boyfriend and everything. He did all the hard coming out and finding out people's reactions then I just had to tell my friends I liked guys too" "They know?" "Yeah the ones I always hang out with do and most people know now that I'm open about being with you" "You were never scared?" "No, Damian did the hard bit and I just said that I like guys too and people were cool with it"

For a while we sit on top of the goal not talking until it starts getting windy and Patrick jumps down so I have to follow. He watches me shiver then takes off his jacket to wrap it around me "Can't have pretty boys being cold" "Aren't you cold?" "I'm fine, I won't freeze" "You're already cold all the time, come here"

Happily Patrick lets me wrap an arm around his waist as we walk back across the field. "Were you scared to come out?" "No I never really came out but maybe I just give off gay vibes" "I thought you'd be gay and that's why I asked you out, it would've been fucking embarrassing if you weren't" "But I am and I really wanted that date so I'm glad you asked" "I'll gladly do it again" "A proper date?" "Maybe, not a date but we can hang out" "Can I pretend it's a date?" "I don't wanna hurt you" "It's fine, I like pretending, it's easier then reality" "I want you to stop, realities good and hanging out with a friend is fun whether it's a date or not" "Ok, we can hang out with friends but with kissing and stuff" "Sure, just tell me when you want it"

I'm really sad when we get to Patrick's car because it means I'll have to leave soon. "Ricky can you drive me home?" "Sure, you're so cute and young that you don't have a car, I forget that sometimes" "I'm getting my learners soon, I'm not that young" "You're such a cutie"

It's cute and embarrassing when he talks about how young I am so I just jump into his car and lean back as he starts the car and turns up the heater. Patrick doesn't talk for most of the drive to my house but he lets me change the radio station until I find one I like and joins in with me when I start singing along.

When we get to my house he leans over to kiss me then whispers to me "I'll see you tomorrow" "Ok" "Have a good night, I'll message you when I get home" "Are you going home now or are you gonna do something?" "I'm going home" "That's good" "It is, I'll message you, go inside babe" "Ok bye" "Bye Petey"


	11. Chapter 11

I've spent 10 minute sitting in my spot watching Patrick and I've realised I don't actually have Patrick's phone number, just his Instagram. I should probably ask him for it so I don't have to waste data every time I want to talk to him.

Today was just as bad as yesterday so I suck up my pride and message him so we can talk a little bit and hopefully I'll stop feeling so crappy. I know I can't steal all his time but it'll only take a few seconds to send me a message and hopefully Patrick won't be annoyed by my neediness.

__emopetepanda - Patrick?_   
__emopetepanda - Can we talk a little bit?_

_trickthefuckingdick - Where are you?_

__emopetepanda - I just wanna talk_   
__emopetepanda - You don't have to if you don't wanna_

_trickthefuckingdick - Ill come see you_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Where are you?_

__emopetepanda - I don't wanna see you_   
__emopetepanda - I just wanted to talk_   
__emopetepanda - Its been a bad day again and I don't have anything else to do_

_trickthefuckingdick - Shut up_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I'll come find you_

Before I can tell him not to or go somewhere else Patrick's sitting down beside me and stretching out on the ground. "Hey" "Hey Patrick" "You ok?" "I'm fine, you don't have to be here" "Yeah of course I do, my friends weren't doing anything interesting anyway" "I'm fine, really" "You said you weren't" "I just said I wanted to talk but I didn't want you to have to come over" "Come back and see my friends then" "I don't know them" "That's fine, I wanna be with them" "You can go, I'm fine" "No I wanna be with you and my friends" "I'm too awkward" "Then maybe this will help, they're nice" "I'm too awkward and they don't like me" "They barely know you, I told you about Damian right?" "The one who came out for you?" "Yeah, I wanna introduce you to him and his boyfriend" "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'll be any less awkward if I'm with another gay person" "But he's nice, you'll like him"

I really don't have a choice so I let Patrick pull me over and I sit in his lap at his friends usual table "This is the assholes I told you about, Damian and his boyfriend Sammy". Damian's got a really big smile that takes up a lot of his face and Sam's platinum blond with blue eyes so bright that there's no way they're real. They seem nice so maybe I should try making friends, they'd only like me because Patrick approves of me but I'll take what I can get at the moment.

"Hi" "Hey Pete, apparently you have a really nice asshole" "Thank you?" "You're welcome, Sammy thinks so too but he hates everyone so he doesn't feel like talking right now". Sam elbows him in the ribs but lies his head on Damian's shoulder and doesn't look at me.

Patrick waits a minute then talks into my ear "You like them?" "They seem nice, why did he say I have a nice ass?" "He's my best friend, I've told him about us hooking up" "You told him?" "Yeah, I tell him most things" "Did you say it was good or did you say I was a lame virgin?" "I told him it was fucking great and I understand why he always wants to spend time with Sammy, gay sex is hot"

I giggle and relax a bit because Patrick's nice and these two seem nice so I shouldn't be so scared of Patrick's friends. "Do you wanna talk to them or something?" "No I don't wanna intrude or anything" "You won't be" "Does Sam not like me?" "He likes to be called Sammy" "Oh sorry" "Don't apologise, I think he just doesn't know you, he doesn't like anyone here except Damian so he probably doesn't want to bother with another fuckboy" "I'm not a fuckboy" "So talk to him, show him that. He hates me so he never talks to me and he's really sarcastic if he ever does have to do anything with me, he's really different with Damian though so he might like you" "He sounds similar to me actually" "He is, he's dating someone popular though so he can be sarcastic out loud but you're sarcastic in your head" "How do you know that?" "I've seen your face when my friends say something stupid, I know there's lots of sassy things you wanna say to them"

I smile awkwardly and nod so Patrick laughs and tilts my head up so I have to look at him "Feel free to say them out loud, my friends are stupid sometimes and I'd love to hear some of your bitchy comments about them"

It's nice that Patrick does invite me over here and that he'd find it funny if I'm mean about his friends. He's definitely right because I've had a lot of years to come up with good insults for people and it'd be nice to share them with Patrick to make him laugh.

Patrick looks over at Sammy and Damian then whispers "Watch this" in my ear before turning back to them. "Sammy" "What?" "This is Pete" "I know, sucking dick hasn't made me deaf" "Do you wanna say anything to him?" "Why should I? I've met all your other friends and hook ups so I'm sure he won't be anything different, no offence"

He really is a sarcastic bitch and it's pretty funny so I giggle, making him finally look at me "What?" "You're funny" "Funny? Most people say I'm a raging bitch" "Well you are but you're a funny raging bitch" "Hm, maybe I will like you" "I'm not a slutty fuckboy so you might" "You actually seem like a decent person, what are you doing with Patrick?" "I like him" "And he has a great dick so that helps" "Can I ask a question?" "Yeah" "Have you had sex with Patrick?" "Hell no, I'd rather die" "You seem to hate him and you said he has a great dick so I thought you guys had hooked up and now you hate him" "No I just think he's an asshole and he's had so much sex that his dick must be great or no one would sleep with him"

I laugh again so Patrick pushes me off his lap and huffs "You're both dicks, I'm sure you'll bond over insulting me and become great friends"

Sammy nods and throws an arm around my shoulders "You're cool" "Thanks, you're pretty cool too" "I wish all Patrick's slutty hook ups were as cool as you" "Well if you weren't a bitch and actually got to know them they might end up being nice" "I doubt it, I don't like most people and I definitely don't like stupid sluts" "I'm a stupid slut and some people would consider your boyfriend to be a stupid slut" "You're not, you're alright and don't talk about my boyfriend, he's not a stupid slut" "Yeah but some people would think we are so you can't just judge people" "I can and I will"

He pats my shoulder then gets up and pulls at Damian's hand "Come on Dams" "Where are we going?" "Away from your friends" "You're such a dick, they're not that bad" "They are but I actually just wanna go make out somewhere" "I like your ideas, off we go"

They go off so I'm left next to Patrick who's hand quickly falls to my thigh "Making friends are we?" "Maybe a little bit, he's nice" "Do you mind if I leave?" "Why are you leaving?" "There's a girl I wanna hook up with, she's by herself and seems bored so I wanna go entertain her" "Oh ok, have fun" "I'll see you later" "Are you mad at me?" "Why would you think that?" "You don't seem happy and you're leaving now" "I'm just horny, I'm not mad" "Is it bad that I wanna be friends with Sammy? Did I say something wrong and insult you?" "I'm just horny, I'm not mad, I'll see you later"

As he runs off after a pretty brunette girl I grab my bag and walk in the opposite direction. I really hope that I haven't said anything wrong and annoyed Patrick but Sammy seems like a cool person so I wanna be try to make him hate me slightly less then he hates everyone else.

I try messaging Patrick again but he doesn't reply even though I message him through all my classes and all night. It can't just be that he's annoyed about Sammy or about something I said, something must have happened. I don't understand and maybe I'm overreacting but when I get ignored for so long I have to think something is wrong.

I'm pretty sure he said his grandparents are leaving today so I don't know if he's stressed about that or if something went wrong with that. Maybe there's something with his parents or his friends or he just doesn't feel like talking.

Over the weekend I'll just not message him and then on Monday maybe he'll be happier with me. I still don't know if I actually have upset him or insulted him but if I give him time away from me then maybe it'll make him more happy to see me. I'm desperate and needy so I'm not good at giving people space but I'll try and do it for Patrick so I'm not constantly asking for attention.

The whole weekend is pretty lonely because I'm not confident enough to message Damian or Sammy because I barely know them so without Patrick I have no one to talk to.

On Sunday night I've given up and decided to wait to see if Patrick wants me but my phone rings while I'm half dressed so I leap face first onto my bed, frantic to answer it.

"Hey Pete, you naked?" "No, just shirtless, I was getting dressed" "Get dressed" "Why are you-" "I don't wanna talk, I don't want anything, just get dressed and do what I tell you"

It's a pretty shitty deal but I do what he says then pick the phone back up again "Now what?" "Put your phone by your bed so I can see you then just fall asleep" "Why?" "Because I just want you to" "Can't you tell me why?" "No, I'm not feeling good and I just need you to do this for me"

I'm embarrassed now so I do what he tells me to then lie in bed watching Patrick. He doesn't look like he's in bed so I don't know what he's doing and I think he's probably with someone else.

"Patrick?" "Just please do it" "I wanna know why" "I wanna see you fall asleep" "So you can take screenshots and show your friends how lame and ugly and trusting I am" "No, you're cute when you sleep and it calms me down"

There's not a lot else I can do so I lie my head on my arms and try to ignore the fact that Patrick's watching me try to fall asleep. It takes a while but eventually I drift off to sleep and forget the fact that Patrick's still watching me. Last time we did this he hummed to me to help me fall asleep but he hasn't done anything like that this time. I don't know why he's annoyed and ignoring me or why he needs me to fall asleep to calm him down but hopefully he'll tell me tomorrow or he'll at least be better tomorrow.


	12. Chapter 12

I've been waiting in my normal spot for most of lunch but Patrick's never bothered to say anything or message me or anything so I guess today isn't my day.

It's not my day for the rest of the week because Patrick doesn't say anything to me or even seen to notice me at all. There's no late night calls, no messages and no talking. I must have done something to offend him but I can't ask him what unless he talks to me first because I'm too scared of getting told I'm a needy virgin and annoying Patrick.

On Friday I finally get the guts to go over to Damian when he's alone and stand by him until he notices me. "Hey Pete" "Hi" "Did you want something?" "I just wanted to ask if Patrick said anything about being mad at me?" "I don't think so, he's in a bad mood though so he's probably mad at everyone, it's not just you" "We haven't talked all week so I just didn't know if I'd done something wrong" "Give him space, he'll get over it eventually" "Thank you"

I'm about to turn and leave but he grabs my arm and pulls me back "Do you like me and Sammy?" "Yeah you guys are nice" "Do you like the rest of Patrick's friends?" "I don't know them but they're loud and scary" "You're just like Sammy, if you wanna hang out with us but Patrick's being a dick you can ask Sammy, he likes you and he'd be happy to bring you along so he's not alone in the torture" "It's not torture, it's just awkward around you and Patrick's friends" "It's torture for Sammy, he likes you though and he'd agree if you asked"

Finally Damian drops my arm so I can step away and walk off. I wish I could because it'd be nice to try to get to know Sammy but it's scary. If I actually have to ask him if he wants me around then I can't do it. If him or Patrick or Damian asked me to come and hang out with them I'd say yes and I'd come but I don't wanna be the one begging to be allowed to be around them. Even if I know Sammy will say yes I'd be scared because I'd be the one asking and if he said no I'd be humiliated.

If Sammy asked me then Patrick hopefully wouldn't kick me out and wouldn't get annoyed at me for being there. Damian said he's not mad at me but it feels like he is and if I'm there while he has other fuck buddies he might tell me to fuck off. He's not mean but I'm scared of it so I want Sammy to invite me because hopefully Patrick will let me stay because it makes his best friend's boyfriend happy. Maybe not but at least I can know that Sammy wanted me there and I wasn't intruding just because Sammy was too nice to say no when I asked.

At home I give up on any dignity and when I see Patrick's online I open our chat so I can spend a while typing and deleting, trying to find something to say that isn't stupid. I never get a chance though because he messages me first

_trickthefuckingdick - Are you gonna say something_   
_trickthefuckingdick - You've been typing for 10 minutes_

__emopetepanda - I was trying_

_trickthefuckingdick - Keep trying_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I'll wait_

__emopetepanda - Never mind you're probably too busy_

_trickthefuckingdick - Im not busy_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I wanna see what you're gonna say_

__emopetepanda - No_

_trickthefuckingdick - Tell me_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Why did you spend so long typing?_

__emopetepanda - I was trying to find something to say_   
__emopetepanda - We haven't talked in a while and I was trying to find something to say_

_trickthefuckingdick - You should hurry and find something_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I need to go soon_

__emopetepanda - We can talk another time_

_trickthefuckingdick - Really?_

__emopetepanda - Yeah_   
__emopetepanda - Have fun with whatever_   
__emopetepanda - Ill see you on Monday_

_trickthefuckingdick - ?????_

__emopetepanda - Bye_

_trickthefuckingdick - Ok then_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Monday then_

I groan and sink back on bed, embarrassed at how terribly I messed this up. I wanted to just talk but instead I was awkward and scared him off so now I have no idea if we'll be ok when I see him next. To take my mind off it I put on track pants and a hoodie so I can try going for a run to take my mind off it.

After an hour of running around the block it starts to get dark so I go home and curl up again in bed. I messed up with Patrick a lot and I don't wanna be friendless so I stalk Patrick's profile until I find a picture of him with Damian so I can go to the linked profile. Basically every second picture is him with Sammy so I go to Sammy's profile and after a while of second guessing myself, send him a message.

__emopetepanda - Hi Sammy_   
__emopetepanda - Its Pete_   
__emopetepanda - Sorry if you don't wanna talk to me_   
__emopetepanda - I don't wanna be annoying_

_sammy_xoxo - You're not annoying_   
_sammy_xoxo - What's up?_

__emopetepanda - I'm just bored and I think I made Patrick mad_   
__emopetepanda - So I thought maybe I'd message you and you might wanna be my friend_

_sammy_xoxo - I do_   
_sammy_xoxo - You're cool_   
_sammy_xoxo - Message me on my private because I never check messages on this one_

__emopetepanda - What is it?_

_sammy_xoxo - Sammywinchester_   
_sammy_xoxo - Its a fan one and I check my messages for internet friends and stuff_

__emopetepanda - Ok_   
__emopetepanda - Do people know about it?_

_sammy_xoxo - Just Damian_   
_sammy_xoxo - I'd be embarrassed if the assholes knew about it_

I go to the profile he told me and request to follow him so when he accepts I can send him another message

__emopetepanda - Hi again_

_sammywinchester - Do you have a public insta?_   
_sammywinchester - Yours is a fan one too_

__emopetepanda - I don't_   
__emopetepanda - There's no point_

_sammywinchester - So can I tag you in shit?_   
_sammywinchester - You don't care if people find yours?_

__emopetepanda - On this account you can_

_sammywinchester - Obviously this one_

__emopetepanda - Its only Damian and people from the Internet so you can tag me in whatever you want_   
__emopetepanda - Does Patrick follow you?_

_sammywinchester - Not my personal_   
_sammywinchester - Hell no_   
_sammywinchester - I hate him so I'm not letting him follow my trashy shitposting fan account_

__emopetepanda -_


	13. Chapter 13

On Monday I'm walking into school when Damian runs up and falls into step next to me. "Hey Pete" "Hi Damian" "Are you gonna hang with us at lunch?" I wasn't planning on it" "You should" "I don't know if Patrick wants me there" "Well I do so you can come" "Really?" "Yeah come see us at lunch, I like you, you're pretty chill" "I'm probably the exact opposite of chill" "Well so am I, good thing Sammy likes me though" "Is Sammy gonna be there?" "He pretty much always is"

Damian's really nice and it makes me feel good that maybe I am able to make a friend. It's all because of Patrick because he introduced us but it still feels good that another popular guy wants me to hang out with him.

All of English is great because I know I'll have friends to be with this lunchtime and I'm really happy as I walk over.

Patrick's got a girl on his lap which would usually upset me but this time I don't have to beg for his attention and ask to be a cling on. I actually got told to sit here by his friends and I know they want me here even if Patrick doesn't

I walk over to where Damian is tapping his fingers while waiting for Sammy and sit slowly next to him. "Hi, do you still want me here?" "Duh I invited you, Sammy's taking forever so I'm glad you're here" "Thanks for inviting me" "You're cool and slightly more chill than me" "I think everyone's more chill than you" "True, how's your day been?" "Pretty boring" "Do you like school?" "Not really" "Me neither, I like lunch and classes with my friends but its all so stressful and all my teachers are obsessed with group projects" "They're the worst" "I know right and I swear that everyone just automatically agrees that the gay guy has to do all the work" "That happens to me all the time"

Sammy slips onto the bench next to Damian and kisses his cheek "Nice to see you cutie" "Nice to see you too beautiful" "Did you invite Pete?" "Yup" "I'm glad, I need another gay friend because you can never have too many. Plus he seems to like my cheeks just like you, you can fight to the death over them"

They easily talk until Sammy lies across Damian's lap and looks up at me "Got any food?" "No, I didn't bring anything" "Wanna go get some?" Yeah that'd be good" "I'll get my beautiful boyfriend some too, he is nice so he deserves food for putting up with me" "Everyone deserves food, food is great" "I agree, food is life"

He jumps up and dramatically bows to me "After you good Sir" "Why thank you my slave" "I'm the slutty maid, I'm not a slave" "A sex slave?" "Yeah ok maybe I'm that, I have no shame though"

We start walking and Sammy smacks my ass as we go around the corner then bursts into laughter "Damian's gonna freak" "Is he that protective?" "A little bit, he trusts me though so its all cool" "Do you sleep around like the rest of them?" "No there's not many gay guys in our school so I can't really and I like Damian, he's great. Do you sleep around?" "I sleep with Patrick but that's all" "Are you guys fighting?" "I think he just wants girls at the moment, I don't think he's mad at me or anything"

The cafeteria is loud and crowded as always so Sammy takes me on a long path to avoid every person he knows in case anyone talks to him. He's impressively antisocial at times and even for me this is an extreme thing to do but I just laugh and follow along.

By the time we get back the girl Patrick was with is gone and Damian's lying across the bench playing on his phone. "Do you want me to sit on your face beautiful motherfucker?" "Go ahead, I'd eat that ass any day"

Damian sits up so me and Sammy can sit next to him and slide his slices of pizza across to him. I'm sitting close to Sammy and I've barely started my piece of pizza before Patrick presses against my back and leans down to my ear. "Wanna get out of here?" "I just got food" "Food can wait" "I wanted to stay" "It wasn't a question" "You asked me and I said no, can I just finish my food please?" "These are my friends, you either come with me or go sit by yourself, make your fucking choice"

I liked it here with these guys who are starting to become my friends but Patrick's right and I shouldn't be saying no when he orders me to do something. He's given me everything so I owe him. "Yeah I'm coming, sorry" "Hurry up, there's not much time left of lunch" "Sorry, I'm coming"

I stand up and smile to Damian and Sammy "Bye". Damian groans and pouts "Don't leave us" "Sorry, I don't have a choice" "Of course you do, don't you want your food?" "You can have it, I'll see you another time, I probably shouldn't sit with you guys anymore but thanks for today"

Quickly I get up and run to Patrick so he can wrap an arm around me and start pulling me off. I can't believe I thought I was important enough to say no to Patrick, no one says no to him and especially not friendless losers.

Before we can even go very far Damian jumps on Patrick and Sammy links arms with me "Where are we going?" "What are you doing Sammy?" "Coming with you Petey, we're bored without you" "Please don't" "We can do whatever we want"

Patrick sighs and pushes Damian off him "I'm trying to get laid, go away" "Nah we've got dibs on Pete, we invited him and he's ours"

They push their way past Patrick to link arms with me on either side then pull me off. I try to look back at Patrick to apologise but they pull me around the corner and keep speed walking me down the hall.

"What's up? Who stuck a stick up Ricky's ass?" Damian says and tugs at my arm so Sammy stumbles against me then pulls me back to him so Damian also stumbles. "I don't know, I think he was just horny" "He's not usually that much of an asshole when he's horny though" "I dunno Damian, you know him better then me"

I lean my head against Sammy's shoulder and let myself keep being dragged along. They seem really nice and I feel bad about ditching Patrick but at least I can blame them and not seem like a loser or an asshole for leaving Patrick after he ordered me to come with him.

"Do you love Ricky?" "What? Sammy don't ask that" "Its just a question, a question I really wanna know the answer to" "It doesn't matter" "Yeah it does, just say yes or no" "I...." "Come on" "Yeah ok fine, I'm in love with him, isn't it hilarious?" "It was already obvious, you don't have to be embarrassed, does he know?" "Yeah, he knows and I know he'll never feel anything back so its just humiliating, I don't wanna talk about it"

I try to slip my arm away but both of them hold on tighter and Sammy leans over to kiss my cheek suddenly "That was a dare by the way, Damian told me to do it the other day" "It's ok" "You have a nice face" "Thanks?" "You're welcome cutie, I'm hungry though" "Sorry, you can go get your food if you want" "I'm fine here, Damian's got skittles in his bag and I want them"

Damian rolls his eyes and tightens his arm on mine "You're gonna get fat" "And you'll still love me, I'm hot no matter how much I weigh" "True, really fucking true" "Skittles, hand them over or I'll fight you for them" "I'd like to see that" "Pete can hold you down and I'll force them from your lifeless hand" "This went real dark real fast" "I don't fuck around with skittles"

They're such a cute couple and I wish I had a relationship like theirs. If you can have sex with someone, say you love them and threaten to kill them all in a day, then you must really care about them.

"Dams give me the fucking skittles" "I thought you were going to fight me for them" "But then you won't blow me for the rest of the week because you're having a tantrum, my dick needs attention sometimes" "Oh fine, only if you promise not sit on me and force me to buy you pizza" "You have a fancy credit card so it's your job to provide food for me, you turned up at my house at night so you can face the consequences" "I blame Pete for this, you used to be nice" "I was never nice, nice is overrated"

Damian is cracking up by now and he lets go of my arm so he can get the skittles from his bag and throw them at his boyfriend "There you go fucker" "You're the best, I fucking love skittles".

Sammy looks really happy and as we walk through the halls he amuses himself by feeding me skittles while both my arms are trapped by the two of them. He's humming and skipping and it's very cute so I can't bring myself to tell him that I don't actually like skittles.

"Sammy what's the time?" "Um um um um um, we have 5 minutes until the bell" "Should we stop walking around then?" "No, what kind of shitty logic is that?" "I'm tired" "This is called exercise and we are going to keep doing it" "I went on a run on Friday, I take gym class, isn't that enough?" "Nooooooooo"

I let them pull me around school until the bell goes but they still insist on walking me all the way to the locker room which is actually really nice.

After school I go to the library instead of walking so I can study for a while cuddles up in my favourite beanbag. I've almost finished my statistics homework when someone slips onto the bag beside me and puts an arm around my shoulders.

He's a bit bigger then Sammy or Damian so I know it's Patrick and I can cuddle into his side and look up at him "You're here, I'm sorry for leaving and I didn't mean to". I thought he'd pull me off now to blow him or do something for him but he just holds me to his side and shakes his head "Nah I was an asshole about it, I just really wanted you and I'm in such a bad mood lately"

Patrick's being nice and he's forgiven me but I still feel horrible about leaving him and not doing what he told me to do. "I'm really sorry" "Don't be" "I know I shouldn't say no to you, I shouldn't have said I didn't wanna go with you, you're important to me" "You can say anything you want to me" "I need friends Patrick, you know that so if you threaten to take that away from me ill do anything you say" "I won't stop being your friend, i like you" "But you told me to come blow you or id have to leave and be alone, i don't have a choice if you say that" "I didn't mean it like that" "But thats what you said, id rather do anything than be alone, i only have friends because of you so ill do everything you ask"

Patrick slides his arms around me when i try to turn away and kisses at the sensitive skin on the back of my neck. "I won't leave you for saying no, i like being put in my place occasionally. Sammy and Damian like you too so they don't give a shit if i get turned down" "I didn't mean to leave, they pulled me off and they'd think I was stupid if I left them and went back to you" "It's ok, I found someone else who could fix my problem"

Now I feel even more shit. I don't want him to have to get pretty girls to blow him just because I'm not good enough, I want to be good enough.

"I'm sorry" "It's fine, I didn't mind" "I don't want you to have to get other girls to fix the problem for you, I wanna do it and I'm sorry for saying no" "Don't be, you didn't say no, you just asked if you could finish your food with your friends, I shouldn't have been so mean" "You're my friend and you're the one I care about, you're right that I shouldn't hang out with your friends if I'm not willing to please you when you ask me to" "You don't have to do anything and I'll try not to do that again, I won't take away your friends"

Patrick licks a stripe along the side of my neck then pats my ass "Ill see you tomorrow, you can come sit with us whenever you want" "Really? Anytime i want?" "Yeah we want you there"

Finally i can relax against him and enjoy his hands "Thank you" "Friends with benefits means friends, i like having you around and obviously Sammy and Damian do too" "Thank you, Im so glad to be with you" "Im glad Im with you too, you're pretty awesome"

He makes a hickey on the side of my neck then stands up "Have a good night" "Ill try" "What are you up to?" "Probably just binge watching something" "What show?" "I dunno" "Message me" "Ok"

Patrick walks off leaving me to slump down and try to compose myself. He does horrible things to me and its honestly so sexy, if it wasn't such an awkward moment id probably go after him and ask to go home with him.

He actually said that him and his friends want me there and its amazing, i finally have people who want me with them. Sammy doesn't seem to like any of them except Damian so it feels good to be someone he might want to be friends with.

Patrick was so nice to me and he's so beautiful so maybe everything will be alright. He's a dick sometimes but when it's just me and him he's always so perfect and I can see why I fell in love with him.


	14. Chapter 14

Sammy skips over to me the next morning and holds out his hand "We're going on an adventure, adventure time with Sammy". I laugh and take his hand so he can skip with me down the hall until we get to Damian's locker where Damian and Patrick are waiting.

"Alright losers I have adventure time with Sammy all planned out. I don't actually but I wanted an excuse to hold Pete's hand and skip down the corridor with him so we'll meet back here at lunch and I'll find an adventure".

He's adorable and excited and even though I don't actually know what adventure time with Sammy is, I lean against his shoulder and nod "Yeah ok, that's fun". Sammy squeals happily and twirls me around then glares at his boyfriend "You're coming, it's in the boyfriend code and you're coming" "Do I have to?" "Yeah motherfucker it's adventure time, you can bring the asshole if you want"

Obviously Patrick knows that Sammy's talking about him because he leans against Damian's shoulder and rolls his eyes "Whatever, I don't wanna be involved in this stupid adventure". Sammy giggles and links his arm with mine "We don't like you anyway, Pete's my friend and Damian's my boyfriend so I can blackmail them both in and it'll be fun without you"

He's cute when he's sassy and I'm still just so happy about having a friend like this that I cling to his arm tightly and try to stand as close to him as possible

Patrick seems pissed off at the three of us so he bumps his shoulder against Damian's then comes over to whisper in my ear "Have fun on your adventure, don't you dare touch Sammy though. I love Damian and if you steal, touch or hurt his boyfriend I will make your life a living hell"

He leaves so I have to snake my arm out of Sammy's and let him go over to Damian and kiss his lips. I really hope Patrick doesn't think I'm stealing Sammy because I'm definitely not. I love Patrick and I do like Sammy but I'd never like Sammy like that. If I even thought about it then Damian and Patrick would both hunt me down and murder me so I never would.

I want to stay here and talk to them and have fun and hug Sammy and do stupid physical friend things but now I can't. Every time I'm around them and every time I do anything with Sammy I'll be terrified I'm going too far and that Patrick will hate me for it. I just wanted to make friends and be around someone who actually likes me but now I'm going to be terrified of the friendship because if I get too involved in it I could loose Patrick.

When the bell goes I let Sammy wrap me in a hug then I quickly go to class and try to find a way to talk to Patrick. I wanna tell him that I would never make Sammy cheat and even if I wanted to do that he would never. He loves Damian and Damian loves him, he'd never cheat and he'd definitely never cheat with someone like me when he has someone like Damian. Damian's beautiful and popular and confident and they're perfect together, he'd never even think about dating me when he's already got such a great boyfriend. I don't know if Patrick doesn't see that but Sammy would do anything for Damian so he'd never be anything more than friends with me.

For the whole of gym class I'm distracted so when Sammy comes skipping up to me at lunch I link my arm through his "Can we ditch this whole plan? Do we have to go on some amazing adventure with the two guys we love? Can I just talk to you for a while?". Sammy smirks and starts pulling me down the hall "No we can't ditch this whole thing, I finally have a plan for some fun. We can take the long route to get to the assholes so you can rant to me on the way, off you go"

I hum and let him walk me along as I just start to talk "I really do think Patrick's mad at me even though I asked Damian and he said he wasn't. He told me to stay away from you because he thought I'd make you cheat and it's so bullshit because neither of us would do that but it scares me. I like you and I wanna be your friend but I love Patrick and he means so much to me. If he makes me choose I'd have to choose him because I love him and I'd never be able to be your friend even though I really fucking want a friend. Please tell your boyfriend that I love Patrick not you and that neither of us would ever dream of being together. He's Damian and he's beautiful and perfect so if Patrick honestly thinks you'd choose to have sex with me instead of Damian then he's kidding himself"

Sammy's quiet next to me but his hand links with mine and he leans over to kiss my cheek. "Don't be stupid, if Damian let me, I would consider sleeping with you. I wouldn't do it because I'm a prude and love my boyfriend but I would consider it. Just because he's beautiful doesn't mean you're not beautiful too, don't be stupid and doubt yourself. I'm not Patrick so I can't suck your dick to cheer you up so I'll just tell you and if I sound like a bitch then that's ok. You love Patrick and he doesn't love you back and I know that fucking sucks but if he's a dick you need to just walk away. If you like me then you can like me, don't let your asshole hook up tell you you can't make friends because he's being jealous"

I've always wanted someone to talk to who can give me advice. I already know that I need to stand up to Patrick and that I shouldn't worry so much about making friends but it's nice to hear Sammy say it. He doesn't like Patrick to start with so I doubt he'd care if Patrick didn't want me anymore, he'd try to be my friend even if Patrick thinks I'm bad for him.

"Is he coming on the adventure?" "I'm not sure, I don't want him to because he's a dick and if he's there you won't hold my hand but it depends on whether Damian brought him along"

When we turn the corner Damian and Patrick sure sitting on the ground against the lockers so Sammy holds my hand tighter "You like me holding your hand, I know you do because you don't let me go and you seem calmer when we're touching. Patrick might be a dick but I'm gonna hold your hand until you pull away so it's your choice"

I grip Sammy tightly and let him walk me down the corridor while Damian jumps up and kisses Sammy hard on the mouth "Finally you're here, I'm lonely, horny and need an adventure with a cute boy, Patrick just isn't good enough"

Sammy told me to be confident and stand up to Patrick but when I see him glaring at me for holding hands with Sammy I can't help it. I've said I love him a million times and I have loved him for years so I know I'm being a wimp but when he glares at me I can't help it, I have to do what he says so he stops being annoyed with me.

I stroke my thumb over Sammy's knuckles then pull away from him and lean against the locker so I can shove my hands in my pockets. I'm being a doormat and it's embarrassing so I keep my eyes on the floor so I don't have to look at Sammy or Patrick.

After a few minutes Sammy comes over and whispers in my ear "Don't be stupid, I'm not going to let you hide and he ashamed of making a friend, if I wasn't so scared of him I'd kick Patrick's ass myself". Usually when Patrick talks in my ear like this he's either turning me on or telling me to stop being a slut so it's nice when Sammy does it and tells me to be confident.

He grabs my hand again and smirks "Don't be stupid, I'm holding your hand whether you want it or not". I nod and let him pull me into a hug even when I see Patrick frowning again.

To take the attention off me holding Sammy's hand again I try to ask about whatever we're doing "What's the adventure Sammy? I feel like we could all use an adventure". Sammy claps his hands and starts pulling me down the corridor so Damian and Patrick have to follow behind "Ok so I couldn't think up an adventure but I promised an adventure so I asked Damian for ideas and we came up with something while he blew me in the bathroom. We're gonna sneak me and Pete out of school, because we're not 12th graders and can't leave, then we'll get some food and go to me and Damian's secret place"

It doesn't sound like the stupid shit I thought we were going to do so I'm kinda pleased. Sneaking out, getting food and hanging out somewhere Sammy and Damian like sounds pretty good, I'm kinda tired so maybe I can just nap for a bit and avoid any awkwardness.

When we get to the school gates I'm scared but no one notices us slipping out and I'm surprised at how easy it is. If sneaking out is so easy why haven't I done it before?

Despite Patrick's glaring, me and Sammy wait outside while Damian and Patrick go into a pizza place and get us lunch. It's a different place then the one me and Patrick usually and Sammy says its him and Damian's favourite so I nod and hold onto him while I can.

Obviously he notices and turns to me "Please stand up to him, if it's just me then I'm going to be looking like a cunt and Damian will be annoyed because he'll believe that stupid crap about us cheating" "Why would he believe it?" "Patrick's his best friend and Damian listens to him, he'll believe any crap if it's coming from Patrick" "He'd believe you're cheating? He'd believe the man he loves is cheating with someone totally inferior?"

I really don't think Damian is the kind of person to be self conscious about getting dumped but I barely know him and Sammy knows him way better.

"You're not inferior but yeah, he might believe it. If you say inferior because you're young then that's stupid because I'm young too. Damian's a year older than me but you're only a year younger, you might feel inferior to them but for me you're not. If you mean inferior because you're not as popular or confident or attractive or slutty then it doesn't matter, you're great and whatever Patrick's made you think is bullshit. Damian isn't shy or self conscious but he loves me and that's enough to make anyone get a bit worried when there's a chance of loosing someone you love"

When I look inside Damian and Patrick are still talking to a cute waitress so I can lean my head on Sammy's shoulder like he always does for me. "Now you get why I'm scared of Patrick, I'm scared of loosing him because I love him and I've only just got a chance to spend time with him. Please tell Damian I'd never do anything to steal you because I don't want drama, I just wanna be your friend"

Sammy tucks his head on top of mine and sighs "I'll tell him, I love him and hopefully he won't listen to Patrick's shit, I know Patrick doesn't like me but he does like Damian so hopefully he'll shut his mouth"

I laugh even though I shouldn't and I enjoy cuddling like this with Sammy until Patrick and Damian come out with pizza. Patrick pushes it into my arms so I have to pull away from Sammy as we start to walk but Patrick slips his hand in my back pocket so I'm happy.

I really feel like Patrick's going to be mean again but his hand gently kneads my ass and keeps me walking forwards so it's definitely nice.

Finally we get to a grassy bank with a tree over a river so I can put the pizzas down and sit with my back against the tree. I'm so freaking tired that I just lie against the tree and let them talk and eat and do whatever until Sammy comes over and pulls at my hand "You don't look comfy, move and you can lie on me".

I do what he says so he can sit against the tree and I can lie on his lap to sleep. I haven't eaten anything so Sammy feeds me pizza while cracking up and calling himself a momma bird then he lets me curl up for a nap.

I'm not in the mood for getting told off so I close my eyes and just listen to them talk until Patrick says "Come on, I wanna jump in the river". Sammy leans down and asks me if I wanna join them but I'm scared of Patrick's ideas so I shake my head and bury down in his comfy lap.

After a second Patrick shakes my shoulder so I have to look up at him "Come on, let's jump in a river" "We have school again soon" "No come on, strip off and we'll jump in, it'll be fun".

Sammy shrugs, probably giving in because Damian's taken his shirt off, and he gets up so he can pull Damian close to him. I'd be slightly concerned if they decided to have sex in a river so I get up as well and stand back. As always, Patrick's hot shirtless and so is Damian so I don't mind Patrick's idea because I get to be around attractive shirtless guys.

It seems like Sammy's enjoying the sights as well because he's groping Damian's chest and grinding their crotches together.

When he finally realises their not along he comes over to slip his finger through my belt loop and pull me over to him. "You gonna get shirtless with me?" "No I'm fine, you guys can go swimming or whatever" "No I wanna do it with you, otherwise someone would be third wheeling and Patrick's very good at making me into a third wheel"

He's annoyingly good at convincing me so I let him unbutton my shirt and drop it to the ground before taking off his own. Sammy skips over to Damian and after a minute of pouting Damian lets him take off both of their jeans. I really don't have a choice in this now so I take off my jeans and wrap my arms around my chest to keep myself warm.

Patrick's still standing in his jeans so I go over and look up at him "I did it, don't leave me alone I my boxers with the mushy couple". I must look pretty cute like this because Patrick puts his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me up against him so he can kiss my forehead. This time when he talks in my ear it's a lot nicer then anything else he's said recently. "I'm wearing my fucking Jack Skellington boxers again, I wasn't planning to get laid today so I wasn't gonna take off my pants"

He's so cute so I copy Sammy's move from before and hold him up against me with my fingers in his belt loop. "It's ok, I think they're even sexier then your normal ones" "I don't really wanna show Sammy my embarrassing childish boxers, he doesn't exactly like me so he'll make fun of me" "He won't, he might laugh but he won't be mean, take your pants off because this was your idea and I'm not doing this by myself"

Groaning in annoyance Patrick does what I tell him to then wraps his arms around my waist "Come on, I'm gonna throw you in the river".

He lifts me by my waist and when I try to kick him in the shins to get away, Damian, the traitorous bitch, comes over and helps him lift me. Sammy's also being a traitorous bitch because he just stands there laughing while they both haul me over to the river and throw me straight in. I can't actually swim but it's not deep and my head doesn't go under so I can angrily stand in the river and swear at Patrick until he comes in and shuts me up with his lips on mine. We haven't kissed in ages so I sink into it and throw my arms around Patrick's neck to pull him closer to me.

We kiss in the middle of the river until Patrick pulls away and looks up at where Damian and Sammy are wrapped in each other's arms making out "Let's go chuck them in the river too, if you push Sammy in I'll push Damian". When I giggle and nod Patrick helps me out then we run up to them, wet and cold, and pull them apart.

Damian groans but Patrick yanks him down the bank towards the river so I put my arms around Sammy and pull him as well. Sammy screams in the most adorable way when I drag him in when he but after a couple of seconds of grumbling he gets used to the cold and goes back to Damian for more making out.

Patrick comes back and I can wrap myself in his arms and bury my head in his beautiful chest. After long time just standing there while Damian and Sammy kiss Patrick leans down and talks to me "We should get out, it's getting cold and we don't want you cuties to be late to class"

I'm surprised he called Sammy a cutie because they don't like each other but I let myself be pulled out and I chase Patrick around on the grass for a while until I dry off in the sun. I'm not too wet by now so I can struggle to pull my jeans on then put my shirt on. Patrick does too then we lie on the grass and eat the rest of the pizza while Sammy and Damian stay in the exact same place, still kissing in the water.

When they finally realise how long they've been there they run up to us and roll around on the grass until they're dry enough to put on their clothes. Sammy's shivering and I would offer to warm him up but I'm finally back in Patrick's arms so I huddle closer to Patrick and let Damian wrap Sammy in another hug.

None of us seem to want to leave but eventually Patrick stands up and runs a hand through his wet hair "Come on, we should really go back, we're already late for class"

I walk back next to Patrick and even though he never touches me, it's nice and I can enjoy the time with him. At the school gates he grabs my hand and pull me in to a tight hug then kisses my forehead again "Go to class babe, I don't want you missing too much" "It's just dance and my teachers pretty cool" "So she'll be ok with you walking in late, go to class, most teachers aren't ok with sophomores missing class"

He's right so I lean up to kiss his lips quickly then run off, waving back to Sammy and Damian even though they're still wrapped up together and not paying attention to me.


	15. Chapter 15

Yesterday was so fun and I really liked getting to hang out with Patrick, Sammy and Damian and hopefully today will be good too. Patrick's told me I can sit with them whenever I want and I know I was with them yesterday and the day before but Sammy seems happy to be with me so I really think it's ok to go over today. Tomorrow I won't and I won't force myself on them for a few days just so they don't get bored of me but today I just want to be with friends.

Happily i go over to Patricks table and sit next to Sammy. He's really cool and i like being his friend, Patrick gave me permission to hang out with him so as long as Sammy does like me, I could have a friend. I could have a proper friend to hang out with and talk to. It'd be nice to have someone who I don't sleep with so I know they like me and not the sex.

Sammy smiles when i sit down and hands me his can of coke so i can take a drink then hand it back so he can do the same. "Im glad you're here, Damian isn't here so Im very lonely" "Ill fix your loneliness" "Good, i have something to show you"

He leans against my shoulder so i can see his phone as he scrolls through his instagram. Before he can find whatever he wanted Patricks leaning down on my other side to hiss at me "Why are you here?". Now I'm scared, maybe he's changed his mind, maybe I should've asked him for permission instead of just sitting down with Sammy.

I look up at Patrick and whimper "You said i could sit with you guys whenever i want to, I wanna be Sammy's friend" "But why now? I didn't think you'd be here everyday after i offered" "I don't have other friends, i thought you were ok with me being here" "Well Im not, i forgot how needy you are"

It feels pretty crappy that I was right and he's basically taking back everything he said and telling me he's annoyed by me. I know Im annoying but i try as hard as possible to not annoy Patrick so he won't get pissed off at me.

"Im sorry, Im not trying to be" "You're a fuck buddy not my boyfriend, i don't think you understand that" "I do but i thought we were friends so i could be here" "You're annoying me, Im trying to get laid but you being here is ruining that"

I duck my head and try not to lean against his chest as he pushes against me "Should i leave?" "Yeah you should, ask me before you come and steal my best friends boyfriend. Leave and I'll tell you when you can sit with us again"

I was so confident today because i thought he wanted to be my friend but all I've done is shown him how desperate and lame i am. Everything was perfect yesterday because we made out and talked and hung out but now he doesn't want me around. I can't even try to be friends with Sammy anymore because Patrick doesn't like it. I thought Sammy was going to talk to Damian and Patrick so they'd know I'd never do anything to steal Sammy but obviously not. All I want is friends but I never know what I'm doing wrong, I thought everything would be ok.

Maybe it was better when i didn't have friends because i always knew that people didn't like me so there was no drama. I can't handle feeling so happy and confident then having it all ripped away because Patrick's in a bad mood.

Before Patrick says anything else i jump up and grab my bag before running away so i don't embarrass myself anymore then i already have.

I end up hiding in the boys locker room where i know people won't come during lunch. I wish Patrick would text me and ask me to come back or say he didn't mean to hurt me but i know he won't so i message one of my internet friends and try to work out what time it would be in their state.

They don't reply but i do get an instagram message so i turn on my 3G and look. Its from Sammy so I have to try to find some way to reply to the message without seeming like a lame baby.

_sammywinchester - Why'd you leave?_

__emopetepanda - I just didnt wanna be there_

_sammywinchester - Did I do something?_

__emopetepanda - It wasn't you_

_sammywinchester - Patrick?_

__emopetepanda - It doesn't matter_   
__emopetepanda - I just can't be there_

_sammywinchester - Where are you?_

__emopetepanda - It doesn't matter_

_sammywinchester - It does_   
_sammywinchester - I'm gonna come get you_

__emopetepanda - Locker room_

He doesn't say anything else so I consider leaving but there's no where for me to go and Sammy is already walking into the room before I can stand up

"Hey, I was looking for you but this is a smart place if you don't wanna be found" "Yeah I thought so" "I left after you left, I'm never really comfortable around Damians friends when he's not there" "Where is he?" "With his teacher, studying or something"

It's awkward with him standing over me but I kinda just hope he'll leave so I don't say anything until he sighs. "I'm not comfortable with Damian's friends without him or you around. You really don't like them though, you look like you're about to commit genocide sometimes" "I am" "I'll help if you want, it sounds fun" "You're the best" "You're my friend so of course I'll help you murder people, I'm sure Damian will forgive me and I'll enjoy making the fuckboys bleed"

He slides down to sit next to me and take my phone out of my hands. Im unreasonably worried as always when someone looks at my phone but he just goes onto my photos and starts scrolling through them

"Sammy do you like me?" "Yeah you're cool, no homo though, we're both gay but no homo. I like being friends" "I really like being your friend, I know Patrick hates us being friends though, I think he thinks I'm being a cling on and stealing you" "Yeah you told me yesterday, but you guys seemed ok at the river. You're not a cling on and if you're one then I'm one too, Patrick only puts up with me because Damian loves me and Patrick loves his best friend" "I don't think he likes me either which sucks because he's been inside my ass so its awkward"

Patrick will be mad and say Im stealing his best friends boyfriend again if he finds out but i wrap my arm around Sammy's shoulders and pull him against me. He's nice and warm and he's the only person except Patrick who i can do this with so Im glad when he puts his hand on my knee and squeezes gently.

"Have you slept with him? Did he take your virginity?" "Yeah.... How'd you know?" "He told his friends while i was there" "He told them i was a virgin? Why the fuck would he do that?" "He's an asshole and likes to show off, it's humiliating for you but he thinks its hot" "Is it weird to you?" "It doesn't matter as long as it isn't weird to you, everyone looses their virginity at some point so its not weird. Did Patrick know?" "He didn't know when we had sex, i lied but i told him after" "You really love him?" "I think so, I've never loved someone before though"

There's a crash at the door before Damian runs in and army rolls across the floor towards us. Sammy laughs and spreads his legs apart so Damian can crawl between them to kiss him. "Ricky said you'd both left and Sammy had his find my iphone on so i tracked you here like a professional spy. You better appreciate it because that flip hurt, kiss me better"

Damian lies happily between his boyfriends legs as Sammy places kisses all over his face. "Watcha guys doing here?" "Pete left so i left, why are you here?" "I always wanna be wherever you are, you give better kisses then any of my friends" "Im sure one of Patricks girls would be happy to please you" "Im a faggot, i hate girls, no vagina for me. Plus there's like no gay guys and if there are they aren't willing to make out with me so Im stuck with you"

I scoot away a little bit but Damian and Sammy both grab me and yank me back and Damian yells "Join the gay orgy" making me laugh and lean back against Sammy.

"What'd you do to Pat? He seemed pissed" "I just sat there with Sammy but he didn't want me there" "He kicked you out?" "I guess, he said i could be friends with you guys if you wanted to be my friends but today he said he didn't want me sitting near him. He thought i was being a slut and trying to steal Sammy then said he was trying to get laid and i was ruining it" "He probably wanted to get pussy but he didn't get it so he was an ass to you because you're the only one he can intimidate. No one else would give a shit if he got pissed at them. It was you or Sammy and he knows i don't like it that Sammy already isn't comfortable around my friends so he chose you"

Damian grabs Sammy's hand and pulls it down to run along his chest then looks up at me "You're not trying to steal Sammy right?" "Of course not" "Good, ill tell Patrick he's a bitch because Sammy likes you so i like you" "Are we friends?" "If you wanna be then yeah, I don't care if Patrick gets offended by it, i have other friends if he decides to be a little bitch"

Sammy plays with the buttons on Damians shirt as he talks "I kinda hate all Damians friends because they're not my type, I'm not great with people and i don't like being tackled or hooking up with girls, i don't really fit in" "Me either" "Do you wanna be friends with us?" "Yeah, you're the only friends i have and you're really nice"

Im embarrassed about it but Damian lifts his hand so i can link my fingers through his. It's kinda weird because I've only ever held hands with Sammy and Patrick before, not Damian. He seems really nice as well though and maybe if I'm friends with him as well as Sammy then Patrick will accept it.

"You're great Petey, I love making new friends. I wanted to ask you something but I forgot it. I'll probably remember it in the middle of sex with Sammy and ill yell it out and he'll think Im possessed" "Do you guys have sex a lot?" "Not really, Sammy doesn't like doing it too much, he thinks it'll get boring, I say thats bullshit but I love him too much so I give him everything he wants"

Sammy rolls his eyes but tilts Damians head up for a kiss. Their kisses are cute because Damian lets Sammy lead and it seems more like something Sammy wants than Damian but he gives Sammy anything he wants just like he said. He's supposed to be scary and popular but he's not doing very well since he's sitting in the boys locker room with a couple of losers, letting his boyfriend kiss him.

When they break away Damian looks back me and jumps "Oh I remember, I was gonna ask if you wanna come to my house on Saturday with Sammy, my friends are coming so Sammy refuses to come" "I refuse too, Patrick will kill me" "I don't care, he can suck it up because he can't tell my boyfriend what to do and he can't stop you coming. He's just in a bad mood so he'll be fine with it when he's happier" "I'll only come if Sammy comes, that'll make it less awkward. What are you guys gonna do there?" "Hang out, we usually just decide what seems fun"

Sammy doesn't seem to really want to but if I have a proper excuse to be there and be around Patrick then I wouldn't mind going. Patrick wouldn't kick me out if his best friend wants me there so it'd feel really good. He doesn't seem to like Sammy but he does like Damian so it'd mean more if Damian wanted me and not just Sammy. Pretty much anything Sammy wants Damian will agree to but I still want Damian to want me there so its less embarrassing.

Even though I'm grudgingly agreeing to do Sammy's still pouting and complaining "You know i hate your friends Dams, they're big and loud and scary when they're drunk" "They won't do anything, you don't fuck with your friends boyfriend. You know you don't have to come if you don't want to" "I will but only if Petes there"

Sammy leans down and kisses Damian and i hear Damian whisper "I love you" into his boyfriends ear. They're really cute and sometimes they're a bit overly sexual but I want a relationship thats so nice and loving. Damians totally different with Sammy then he is with his friends and I want someone to treat me the way Damian treats Sammy. Maybe one day I'll get over Patrick and find someone but for now I'll just keep letting him treat me badly and let myself get used for sex.

"You will come right Pete?" "If you want me to i will" "Pinky promise?". Sammy holds out his pinky so i wrap mine around his and look down "Don't leave me while we're there, they all scare me and i don't wanna be alone around Patrick" "I don't wanna be a cock block" "But if you're there maybe he'll avoid me so he won't tell me I'm a slut and tell me I should leave"

I'm being a fucking doormat again but I've started to embrace it, I can't do a lot about it but Sammy's still offended by it. "If he does then we can just avoid him or we can leave if you want, i have a car" "You're all so old" "Im only in 11th grade, I'm a year younger then them which is why Patrick doesn't like me" "I'm in 10th grade so I'm worse"

I didn't know that Sammy wasn't a senior as well but maybe I do have a chance now. Sammy will be at school with me for a year after Patrick and Damian leave and that'll hopefully be really nice. Patrick won't call me a slut and make me ashamed and I could have a friend for one more year. I really thought they were all in 12th and were all gonna leave at the end of the year but Sammy isn't.

Damian seems fine with the idea of me and Sammy running away from his best friend but that might be because Sammy's hand it rested on his lower stomach."Don't trust Sammy, he's a really bad driver" "Only when you're there, if Petes there I'll be able to concentrate without someone sucking my dick while I try to drive. I know Pete enough to know he won't suck my dick, so my driving will improve"

They both look at me making me blush and grip onto Sammy's hand while Damian sighs "I guess I'll have to do it myself then, you sucking Sammy's dick would be hot though" "I thought you were protective of him" "I am but Im not threatened by you, there's nothing to protect him from" "Can you tell Patrick that? I don't think he understands it" "He's more protective than me because we've been friends so long, he just doesn't wanna have to deal with my broken heart"

Sammy leans down again and brushes his lips over Damians cheek "I don't plan to break your heart" "Good because you've seen me when Im angry, i don't wanna loose you"

I try to ignore them because its making me feel really lonely. All I have is Patrick who hates me right now, I wish I had a relationship like theirs so I didn't have to worry everyday about how he felt about me. Being totally convinced that the person you love loves you back seems really nice to me.

"Helloooooo? Pete?" Damian sings so i look back at him and blush again "Yeah?" "I'll kick Patrick's ass if you want, he's being a cunt lately" "No then he'd be even more mad at me for stealing his best friend as well as his best friends boyfriend" "If you wanna try to steal Sammy go ahead, Sammy loves me so I know nothing will happen" "Tell Patrick that, I don't like Sammy like that and he wouldn't cheat, Patrick can stop being an asshole to me"

Sammy strokes his thumb along my knuckles and leans his head on my shoulder "You can hang with us whenever you want, we'll protect you from your cunty boyfriend" "Not my boyfriend, i wish he was" "If he asked you to date him would you?" "He wouldn't and if he did I'd know it was a joke but I'd say yes anyway. It might be a joke but there would be a tiny chance that he was serious so I'd have to say yes, I love him so if he says he likes me too then what else could I do?" "Say no and let him be upset like he always makes you" "No, i just want to make him happy, thats why Im upset when he's mean to me, i dont want him to be angry, i just want him to love me back"

I should be embarrassed about telling Patrick's best friend how i feel but Im not, Patrick's amazing and I dont know how anyone could resist falling in love with him

"Ill tell Patrick he's a cunt, he might not listen but I'll tell him it" "Don't, I don't want you to say anything like that to him, he's already mad at me because he thinks I'm stealing Sammy, I don't want him thinking I'm stealing you" "You couldn't steal me, no one steals me. You need to stand up to him, you're a fucking wimp" "I know how he feels about me, I'm just a fuck buddy to him and he's annoyed that I'm being over bearing and needy. If I stay away from him and let him choose when I get to hang out with you guys then he'll be happy and he'll be nice to me"

I sound so stupid and I know Damian and Sammy are going to tell me I'm letting him walk all over me but they don't understand. They love each other and they both know that the other person loves them back so they never have to be scared. They can play fight and joke around and push each other and be sarcastic because they're in love so they'd never understand.

I love Patrick and he'll never love me back so I can't be like them, I have to let Patrick push me around because if I don't he might leave. He's not attached to me the way I am to him so I have to give him what he wants because that's the only way he'll want me back. It's stupid and I know that but he's Patrick so I don't care if I have to do stupid things to try to get his attention, I'm willing to do them.

"Don't be stupid Pete, I know Patrick and that won't work on him" "I'm not trying to make anything work on him, I just don't wanna annoy him and I wanna make him happy with me. You don't get it Damian" "Make him jealous, make him want you, make him miss you, make him regret that he stopped hooking up with you. Don't you dare give him power over you" "I love him, he already has total power over me" "Don't show him that, don't give him more power" "What do I do then? Ignore him and hope he gets interested in me? Disobey him and hang out with you guys to piss him off? I don't think you guys understand what he means to me"

Luckily the bell goes so I can pull away from both of them and stand up "I should go, I'll see you guys another time". I was really hoping they'd let me go but both of them grab my legs and stop me from walking off so I have to sigh and sit down on the bench while they stand up.

"I'm sorry, I can't say no to him" "You should try or he'll just keep being a dick to you because he knows he can get away with it" "I'm sorry Damian, I'll try not to be a total pushover but I can't just say no. This is different from what you and Sammy have, loving someone who'll never love you back is so fucking hard and I wish I didn't but I can't help it. I can't loose him so I can't piss him off and make him leave me, it'll fucking suck if he does"

Damian whispers that he'll talk to Patrick then hugs me and stands up to wrap his arm around Sammy. I stand up and walk out with them, a lot less embarrassed then when I walked into the locker room.


	16. Chapter 16

For the next couple of days I make sure to hide and not get near Patrick even when Sammy comes and sees me some days. A lot of the time I have to send him away because I'm scared of Patrick seeing and I'm so awkward when no one else is around.

On Saturday I spend a long time in front of the mirror sending pictures of my outfit to my internet friend until they have to go to school and I have to choose by myself. Finally I decide on a Black Sabbath shirt and grey jeans and I walk to the address that Sammy sent me.

When I get there I'm too scared to walk in there by myself so I hide up the road from Damians house for almost 10 minutes until Sammy finally pulls up in his car. I run over and jump in the passenger seat and smile at him"Quick we can still make a run for it before they see us"

Sammy rolls his eyes and leans over to take my hand "Hey Pete, we're not going to run away from my boyfriends house. It'll be fine, we can hide in Damians parents room if you really get uncomfortable, I've done it before" "What do they do at these party things?" "Hang out and sometimes drink if Damians parents aren't home. I only with Damian though so it's not fun for me, if he has a beer ill have one too if we're alone but i never drink by myself or with anyone except him" "I never drink, I've never had alcohol" "Do you want to? Ill look after you if you wanna do it or we can drink together in Damians parents room" "No Im straight edge, i don't want any" "Ok but if you ever change your mind we can do it. I only drink with people i trust and thats only Damian, I know you wouldn't do anything bad though so I'd do it with you"

Sammy starts climbing out of the car so i sigh and follow. Patrick will be so mad at me and i hate the idea of ever making him mad or upset but i can't say no to Sammy and Damian. Obviously Sammy wants me here because he refused to come without me so I'll just try to enjoy everything and not be upset that Patrick might not want me anymore.

"Sammy do you mind if i stay with you the whole time?" "No its fine, Damian has other friends so he ditches me, it'd be fun to stay with you" "You can drink with me, you can trust me"

He smiles and we walk inside until Sammy finds Damian on his couch and sits in his lap so I have to hover awkwardly. When I see Patrick I run and hide behind some tall people for a while and when he starts to come towards me I run and hide behind other people.

This continues for a while until I can't see him anymore so I presume he's gone upstairs with someone and I can steal a can of coke from the fridge to drink. I sit in a corner drinking until I run out of coke and when I go back to get another I'm grabbed around the waist.

"Hey beautiful, you look so fucking hot, wanna come upstairs with me?" "P-Patrick, I don't think thats a good idea, are you drunk?" "No i just want you, i haven't touched any alcohol, come on beautiful, i haven't seen you in ages" "I-I don't know" "Come on, ill give you such a good time"

I don't wanna fight him so I let him wrap his arms around my waist and pull me through the room until we get to what looks like Damians room. Patrick closes the door and pushes me back onto Damians clothes covered bed. We haven't done this properly in so long, so when Patrick pushes his body against mine and works my mouth open to let his tongue slip in, I can't stop myself from moaning.

Quickly he yanks my shirt over my head and works down my pants down my legs. Obviously Patrick isn't in the mood to go slow so I take off his shirt and jeans too while he slips off my boxers.

The way he looks at me is so different to everything he's done in the past week. He was so nice at the river but apart from that he's been so distant or he's been annoyed by my presence but now he just looks so turned on. Its amazing when the guy you love is finally interested in you again and looks at you like he wants to devour you.

I claw at Patricks back as he drops his own boxers and leans over to the floor by Damians bed to grab a condom from the box. Easily he rolls it on and positions himself then leans down to kiss me hard "You ready?" "Um..... I think so" "Ok, you're ok, I'll take care of you". Slowly he pushes in until he's fully inside me then rolls his hips against me.

After weeks of Patrick ignoring me and not wanting to be around me, it hurts when he goes rough and doesn't give me prep or lube. He's the only person I've slept with and he knows every time I've had sex so he must know its still painful at first. I'm too scared to tell him incase he goes back to hating me or if I annoy him by making him go slow. He has lots of other people to sleep with so I should be glad to get to be with him, I can't just complain and ruin the whole thing for him just because I'm a wimpy virgin.

I lie back and get comfortable on Damian's piles of clothes as Patrick lifts my hips and pounds into me as he buries his face in my neck. My hands are shaking so I have to cling onto him tighter so the feeling of his body distracts me from the pain.

There's a knock on the door then Damian's leaning against the doorframe "In my room? Again?" "It's pretty nice here, I like it, did you wanna fuck Sammy here?" "No he's in my parents room, I just wanted to see Pete naked" "Go back to Sammy, I'm busy" "Alright, don't be a cunt"

He gives Patrick a thumbs up then leaves so Patrick takes hold of me to jerk me off and whispers "You're close aren't you? I know you are so come here beautiful". I groan and let him press his lips to mine as I come over his fist then relax under him as he finishes off inside the condom.

My ass hurts when he pulls out but it settles to a dull ache as Patrick throws the condom away then pushes back the blankets on Damian's bed so we can cuddle up in his bed.

"I've missed you Petey" "I've missed you too Patrick" "Sex with you is so great. Come here, tell me how you've been" "I've been alright I guess. Sammy's my friend and I think Damian might possibly be my friend, it's nice to have friends even if I don't really know them" "Plus you have me" "I have you, I thought I'd lost you though. You never wanted me around and called me a slut for being around Sammy, I thought you hated me" "I don't hate you" "It seemed like you did and I didn't know if it was a normal part of friendship or if I'd done something wrong"

Patrick kisses the top of my head and pulls me closer against his bare chest "I've been an asshole but it's not your fault, don't blame yourself for anything. Let's go see Sammy and Damian". He gets up and puts on his clothes so I do the same, careful of my ass which still aches when I move too much.

Damian and Sammy are on the floor of his parents room when we walk in and Sammy seems really really drunk. Damian's leaned back against the wall and Sammy's on his back on the floor giggling. "Hey losers" "Hey Rick" "How much has he drunk?" "I have no idea but I love it"

When Sammy sees me he scrambles up and drapes himself over me "Pete Pete Pete Pete Pete, how was dick?" "Dick was good" "Dick is great, I want dick". Before I can stop him he licks all the way up the side of my face then sits down at my feet "Where's Damian?" "Behind you" "Oh, thank you"

He sits on the floor and takes another swig out of the bottle of gin on the floor. Patrick sits down next to Damian and opens a beer so I slide down against the wall and play with a thread on my jeans until Sammy crawls back over. He goes in for a kiss so I push him back quickly but he turns to sit with his back against my chest, between the v of my legs.

It's probably not right but I wrap my arms around his chest and relax as Sammy leans back against me so I can tuck my chin on his shoulder. "No homo right?" "No homo, small homo, all homo, I just like homo" "You're really hot when your drunk" "I'm always hot"

Patrick smirks at me and drinks more beer making me feel really awkward to be the only one who doesn't drink any alcohol. Sammy seems to feel awkward for me too because he leans back against me and makes a cute little noise "Are you sure you don't want anything Petey? I wanna get drunk with you" "I don't want to, sorry Sammy darling"

He grinds back against me and holds my hands around his waist. Patrick seems to be in such a good mood right now because even when I'm holding Sammy like this he doesn't care and just keeps drinking. He's called me a slut for just sitting and talking to Sammy but now that we're cuddling he doesn't care, I don't understand.

After a while of Patrick and Damian drinking and Sammy rubbing against me Sammy rolls away and goes to lie in Damian's lap and drink more gin. I try to get up to join them on the other side of the room but my ass stings so bad that I can't get up and have to sink back down. It feels like it did when I lost my virginity and it's so embarrassing because I don't want Patrick to know I'm in pain or for him to know I might be bleeding. I almost lost him last time because he was mad I'd lied to him so I don't wanna risk anything this time. We've barely talked for weeks and now we finally slept together so if he finds out how much it hurts he might never sleep with me again, I don't wanna loose him.

Patrick seems concerned when I don't get up and talks across the room to me "Pete are you ok?" "Yeah I just slipped" "Come here". Carefully I crawl over to Patrick and settle down in his lap as he finishes a beer "Are you sure you're ok? Look me in the eye and tell me you're fine".

Slowly I look up at Patrick them drop my eyes to the collar of his shirt and mumble that I'm ok. Lying is really hard and I suck at lying because I've never had anyone to lie to so Patrick knows and pushes me away "What's up?" "I told you I'm ok" "Just because I've been drinking doesn't mean I'm too smashed to know a giant fucking lie"

It's not working so I get to my feet and walk to the bathroom connected to Damian's parents room "I'm going to the bathroom". Before I can close the door Patrick's pushing inside with me and kicking the door shut behind himself "Tell me, they don't have to know, did I do something to make you upset?" "No I'm not upset" "You're in pain, did I hurt you?" "I'm fine, I'm bloody fine" "Then strip, get naked and show me there's nothing wrong with you and I'll drop it"

There's no way to get out of this without Patrick getting what he wants so I pull my shirt over my head then drop my jeans and boxers to the floor. There is a tiny bit of blood on my boxers but I don't think Patrick notices anything because he just pulls me into his arms and pushes my hair back and I sigh "I told you, I'm fine Patrick, I'm with you so I'll be ok"

He kisses me hard then grabs my ass with both hands "Fuck you're hot, I like it when you're naked" "Was this all a plan to get me naked?" "Maybe a little bit". I kiss Patrick back happily until he starts kneading my ass which makes it burn more then usual so I break away with a gasp.

"What's wrong? You can trust me" "No I can't, let's just kiss, please" "I'm not touching you anymore if you won't tell me if I've hurt you" "You've hurt me all week, why does it matter now?" "I hurt you?" "Yes, whenever you looked at me you looked disgusted, whenever you talked to me you told me I was a slut and told me you didn't wanna look at me. It hurts when my only friend can't stand to look at me and won't tell me why" "I don't hate you, it's not like that" "You promised to be my friend and said I could sit with you if I needed it but when I did you told me I was a needy slut and said to stop stealing your best friends boyfriend. I promise I'm not stealing Sammy, I just want a friend, I don't know what I'm doing wrong"

I didn't mean to tell Patrick so much but at least he's not asking about if I'm hurt anymore. "I was in a bad mood babe, things were stressful and I take it out on people when I'm upset" "Only on me though, I would have done anything to make you happier but you just told me you hated me. I have no friends, I have no one, when someone I love says they hate me and don't want me around I believe it, what am I supposed to do?" "Talk to me or something" "I tried, I tried to say it wasn't fair and that I would never make Sammy cheat and that I just wanted to make friends but you told me to fuck off so I did, I don't know what else to do Patrick"

I bury my face in his hard chest and tuck my head under his chin. It's such a perfect place to be even when I've completely humiliated myself so maybe if I look little and sad he'll be nice to me.

"Petey look at me, don't be embarrassed" "I'm sorry" "Don't be, I need to be put in my place sometimes" "It's just so scary" "Don't be scared, there's nothing to be scared of" "I don't wanna mess this up" "You couldn't, I like you too much for that" "I've missed this, I've missed you. Can you promise not to leave me again? Even if we don't sleep together because you're disgusted that I can't take it can we be friends? Can you just let me sit near you and occasionally talk to me?" "I care about you, I want to sleep with you and be your friend and be around you"

His hands slide back down to rub at the small of my back as I cuddle close to his clothed body. It's obvious how much more powerful he is because he's completely dressed and I'm naked for him but it doesn't matter. I trust him and I'd do anything for him so there's not much more he could do that would hurt me anymore then I've already been hurt.

"Are you hurt?" "We just talked about this" "I mean physically" "I'm ok, it's fine, I'm fine" "Tell me what hurts and I'll tell you how to make it better" "My heart hurts" "I know, I'm trying to be better for you and not take out my anger on you, I know I can hurt you so I can't do it. What else hurts?" "M-my ass but it's ok, we had sex and it's normal, it'll be fine in a minute. I've only had sex a few times and we haven't done it in weeks so it hurts, it's normal" "It's not normal" "It's fine, I didn't get prep so it's supposed to hurt, that's the point" "I didn't think you needed it" "I've only ever slept with you, I don't need it though, I know you don't like it so I can deal with a bit of pain" "You shouldn't have to, I'll look after you better next time"

Even while he tells me he'll look after me, Patrick's hands slide down to my ass and rub at the exposed skin. I know what he wants because his boners pressed against my leg through his jeans so I kiss at his collarbone until he moans. "You're so hot Petey" "Let me suck you off, it doesn't hurt, I wanna do it for you" "Sammy and Damian are right there, we shouldn't" "Has it ever stopped you before?"

I drop to my knees and sigh happily as Patrick's hands slide into my hair. He's so gentle with me and it feels so good that he's enjoying being around me.

I can easily undo his pants and lick my lips as his boner springs up against his stomach. Patrick groans and his hands wrap tighter in my hair "Suck it baby" "Call me that again" "Come on baby, I'm horny for you".

As I lean in towards him there's a knock at the door making me pull away and look up at Patrick as he groans and yells "What do you want?". There's a lot of giggling from the other side of the door making me think that its probably Sammy who's still very drunk.

It's awkward so I look up at Patrick "Patrick should I stop?" "Depends if you care about being private". I don't really want my new friends to hear me sucking a guy off but I've finally got Patrick naked and willing so I don't want to give up this chance "I don't care if they hear" "Good, suck my dick baby"

I take hold of him and stroke his dick "I haven't done this much" "That's ok, I know exactly how much you've done" "You won't hate me afterwards right?" "I won't" "Keep your hands in my hair, show me what you like"

Gently I lick at the head of Patrick's dick and whimper as his hands tighten in my hair. There's more banging on the door and Sammy calls out "Patty Pat is sucking dick, I wanna suck dick".

This makes me burst out laughing and I have to pull back "Someone should put him to bed" "I don't know where Damian is, that's supposed to be his job, I guess we should go" "I'll finish later" "Yeah you will baby, yeah you will"

He pulls me up and kisses me hard then wraps an arm around my waist "Get dressed beautiful" "Or I could just go naked, Sammy's probably too drunk to care" "I'm the only one who's seen you naked and been inside your beautiful ass, lets keep it that way"

I get up and turn to pick up my boxers but Patrick's hand pulls me back "Is your ass ok?" "Yeah I'm ok" "Tell me if it still hurts tomorrow ok? I'll take it slower next time" "Will there be a next time?" "Of course, I definitely want a next time" "I do too, I'm not ready to loose you" "You won't, you're still the only man I sleep with"

It feels perfect. I'm not the only one he's with and I probably never will be but at least I'm a little bit special. I'm the only man he's with and if he wants a man I'll be there for him, maybe he does like me a little bit, being with him is so much better then being hated by him.

"We should go" "Ok, can I take you home tonight? I've missed having you in my bed Petey" "Yeah, I've missed you a lot" "I'm sorry, I'll stop being such as asshole to you, I know it hurts you"

He kisses my cheek then lets me get fully dressed while he fixes his pants and boxers. Patrick is really beautiful so going home with him will be great and it'll be even more great if we can really talk. If we're alone all night in bed then maybe it'd be easier to talk to him and tell him how I feel about him and everything happening.

Sammy is sprawled across the bed when we go back into Damian's parents room and Damain's gone so I go over and sit next to Sammy. "Hey Sammy, where's Damian?" "He left because he thought I'd be fine with you guys. Can we go somewhere? I'm bored" "Do you wanna go home?" "I wanna have sex with you" "No Sammy, only Patrick can do that, let's take you home"

He lets me put my arms around him and pull him up. Patrick doesn't do a lot but he pushes people out of the way so I can get Sammy down to his car and hunt around until I find his keys in his back pocket. Pretty much the whole time I'm searching through Sammy's pockets Patrick laughs and leans against Sammy's car and when I put my hand in Sammy's back pocket me cracks up. He's so chill about everything with me and Sammy and I don't know what happens but I hope it continues.

When I do get his keys I'm about to open the car but Patrick sweeps them out of my hand and smirks "Have your learners yet?" "No" "Then I guess I'll be driving, get in the back with the stupid drunk cutie".

I groan and smack Patrick's chest but I go back to hold Sammy again and help him in the car. Patrick turns up the radio and the heater so I sit in the back with Sammy in my arms while he drunkenly attempts to sing along. I really don't know how to deal with him because I've never drunk before and if i had to stay with him it would really ruin my nice night with Patrick.

"Patrick what are we going to do with him?" "I texted Damian and asked why the fuck he left us with Sammy and he said he'd call Sammy's brother. Apparently they're close so his brother can look after him and deal with the headaches and throwing up, that means we can go to my house and do something a lot more fun"

We pull up outside what I presume to be Sammy's house and unload Sammy with his brother. Patrick leaves Sammy's car there so we have to walk the 10 blocks back to Damian's house in relative silence until we can pick up Patrick's car and go to his house. If he'd let me drive Sammy home then he could have just followed us in his car and saved us the walk back but I guess I'm too untrustworthy so we have to walk a long way at midnight.

Patrick's really nice and gives me his jacket so I enjoy the scent of Patrick on it and the walk isn't too bad. When we get to his car Patrick again turns up the heater and holds my hand while we drive to his house.


	17. Chapter 17

When we get to Patrick's house he gets out of his car then leads me in to his bedroom. I don't see his parents so I guess they're asleep and I can just be happy, following Patrick to his bedroom to hopefully finish the blowjob from before.

In his room Patrick pulls off his shirt and jeans then crawls into his bed and hums "Get undressed then get in here". I obey and strip down to my boxers so I can crawl in next to Patrick and lie on his chest.

"I've missed being like this, I really have" "I've missed you too, I won't be an asshole anymore, you're too cool for me to just loose you because I'm a dick" "I really do like you, please don't be an ass" "I'll try not to be, how about you finish blowing me then we can sleep"

I'm so happy here with him and I'm close to falling asleep but he wants me to blow him so I slide off the bed so I can sink to my knees.

Even though I say I like it when he wears those stupid Jack Skellington boxers, I like it just as much when he wears these stupid, tight sexy ones. They make him look even bigger than he is and I can't help wanting to rip his pants off when he wears them.

When I manage to work his boxers down to his thighs, Patrick grips his hands in my hair and pushes my head down. I quickly bob my head and listen to Patrick's gorgeous moans until he comes in my mouth so I can swallow it down and crawl back up to Patrick.

"Can we talk now? Can I please talk to you Patrick" "Yeah babe ok, I'll listen to anything you say" "Ok, I just wanna tell you that I love you, even though I've said it a million times I just need you to know. Sammy's told me a lot of times that I need to stand up to you and I keep saying I can't because I'm scared of loosing you. I need you to know how I feel and I need to know that I'm allowed to stand up to you because otherwise I'll always be scared and Sammy will keep calling me a wimp"

Patrick sighs and lies back further "You can stand up to me, feel free to stand up to me if I'm being a dick, Sammy's right about you being a wimp" "I just-" "I know, you love me and I'm a dick, please just try not to upset yourself over me" "Did Damian talk to you?" "Yeah he did, he told me that him and Sammy are in love so I should stop thinking that Sammy's cheating with you" "I'd never steal your best friends boyfriend, I would never" "I know, I'm just protective of Damian so I don't want him to get hurt and I'm possessive of you so I don't like you being around other people" "Possessive of me?" "Yeah, I'm the only one you've slept with so it makes me worry about you and you're so young and cute and naive, I wish I wasn't but I'm protective of you"

I'm so happy here that I just lie my head on his arm and let myself start to drift asleep. There's not really a lot I can say to that but the idea of Patrick wanting to protect me is perfect, I'd love for him to care about me like that. Even if he does just care for me because I'm like a little brother, I'm ok with that, I'm young and naive just like he said so it's nice for him to care about me.

When I lie on him and close my eyes Patrick also closes his eyes and relaxes "Petey? Are you asleep" "Not yet" "Do you mind that I'm getting protective? I know you're annoyed that I was such a dick about you and Sammy but I do worry about you" "Don't worry about Sammy or Damian, they're nice and you know them so you know they're good guys. You can be protective about anyone else, I just think it's hot that you get jealous" "Have you slept with anyone else? Am I the only one who's had sex with you?" "You are, you probably will be the only one until you get sick of me, the idea of sleeping with anyone else while I'm with you seems wrong" "But when I leave school you will?" "When we stop talking I will, if you move away or find someone to properly date or just get sick of being around me then I'll try to move on and find someone else but until then it's just you"

Finally Patrick's silent so I can place a light kiss on his shoulder then let myself fall asleep cuddled up to him.

When I wake up Patrick's still asleep so I wiggle out of his arms so I can get dressed then sit on the floor messaging Sammy

__emopetepanda - You ok Sammy?_   
__emopetepanda - Are you hungover?_

_sammywinchester - Hella_   
_sammywinchester - It hurts like shit and Damian's not replying to me_

__emopetepanda - Awwww Sammy_   
__emopetepanda - I will send you my virtual hugs_

_sammywinchester - Did you go home with Patrick?_

__emopetepanda - Yeah_

_sammywinchester - Did you blow him?_   
_sammywinchester - I remember the whole bathroom sex thing_

__emopetepanda - Yeah I blew him_   
__emopetepanda - And shut up about it_   
__emopetepanda - We thought you'd forget_

_sammywinchester - I didn't_   
_sammywinchester - And I might hate him but his moans are pretty sexy_

__emopetepanda - Back off_   
__emopetepanda - You've already got a boyfriend_   
__emopetepanda - Don't steal Patrick_   
__emopetepanda - Ill fight you_

_sammywinchester - That'd be adorable_   
_sammywinchester - And I prefer Damian anyway so your slutty fuckboy is safe from my seductive charms_

__emopetepanda - You suck_


	18. Chapter 18

When I wake up I'm wrapped up tight in the blankets of Patrick's bed and he's not in bed with me but the pillow next to me still smells like him so I know he's here somewhere.

Sadly we have school and despite my hate for Monday's I know I have to go to school so I get up and put my clothes in before looking for Patrick. I'd love it if he was waiting for me in the shower like he wanted me to do yesterday but he's not so I wander down to the kitchen and find him drinking coffee with his father.

I didn't know his family would be awake so I hover awkwardly in the doorway until Patrick sees me and waves me over. He kisses me deeply then wraps an arm around my waist so I can lean back against his chest and enjoy his warmth.

For a while I stand with Patrick while he drinks coffee but then his mother comes downstairs and shoos us off to school. Luckily Patrick can drive me to my house to get my bag then gets me to school in time.

After spending so much time with Patrick, Sammy and Damian I'm feeling really good and all my morning classes go past easily.

At lunch I'd love to go over and hang out with them some more but I spent the entire weekend with Patrick and we slept together twice in two days so I can't spend anymore time with him.

I hate the fact that I have to be so careful with the amount of time I spend around him but it is really important. Patrick's told me I'm a needy whore and told me not to be clingy so I don't ever want to hear that again. If I spend too much time with him or with Sammy and Damian he'll have to tell me to leave and I hate the idea of him telling me to piss off. He's done it before and it hurt so fucking bad so now I need to be really really careful and if he seems annoyed by me I need to instantly leave so he can be happy again. 

It's so much extra anxiety and it's really stressful for me to have to always know how he's feeling about me. I don't want him to think I'm not interested and find someone else but I don't want him to think I'm needy and clingy and not want me around anymore. I'm already bad with people so I never know what's the right thing to do but I'm trying really hard and it seems to be going good so far because he's barely ever had to be mean to me.

After I've sat there for most of lunch and spent time deciding whether it'd be appropriate to spend time with Sammy tomorrow, Patrick comes over and stands over me. "Pete i need help, give me some advice" "Me? I thought you wouldn't want to be around me today" "I always wanna be around you" "But I spent the weekend with you, I don't wanna be clingy and steal you away from other people" "It's my choice, I like you and I wanna spend time with you, do you wanna walk with me?" "If you want me then of course I do, I love spending time with you"

He holds out his hand for me and pulls me up "I hate it when you sit by yourself" "I just wanted to be alone, I didn't think, you, Damian or Sammy would want me there today" "We always want you, especially Sammy, he only has one other friend so he'd want you to hang out with him everyday" "Thank you, that feels really good"

We start walking and Patrick interlocks our fingers before talking "Can i just talk? Do you mind if I sound like a complaining bitch?" "I don't mind, I like listening to you talk" "Thank you. Ok, so my grandparents are coming to visit again and Im really stressed about that, plus they might bring my asshole, prefect cousin who I'm always compared to. Im failing everything and Im stressed. My friends are being shitheads, everyone i hook up with is being a shithead and even im starting to be a shithead. I dont wanna take it out on you again and i really hate everyone right now so here we are. Should i just kill someone and go to jail so i can avoid my life?"

He's scuffing his toes against the ground so i grab his hand again "It'll be fine Patrick, tell me your issues one at a time" "My grandparents" "What about them?" "I have to act good and not swear or have sex, its so fucking stressful" "Ill be your boyfriend again if you want, you can just pretend to be with me and go hang out with other people" "No ill just spend a lot of time with you, you're great and maybe if my cousin thinks I've settled down he'll stop being a prick. He's nerdy and smart and perfect so everyone thinks I should be like him. I'm always told off for being a slut but you'll make that a lot better" "I'll happily help with whatever you want" "I know you will, you're amazing"

He pulls me close and kisses my forehead "Im also failing everything which you can't help with. Everyone's being a shithead, i dont know what to do" "What happened?" "I dont know, maybe Im just in a bad mood, my friends are being annoying today and people always want sex. Im not in the mood for stupid stuff and I'm not a fucking sex machine, I can't pop a boner ever time someone wants sex. Im done talking about this" "Do you wanna go back to your friends?" "No, i wanna be with you"

I sigh and lean against his shoulder "I like being with you" "Can you tell me you love me?" "No, not right now" "Why? I wanna hear it" "I dont feel comfortable doing that" "I won't be mean, i just wanna know that you love me" "I dont want to, i dont wanna say it if you're not gonna say it back. I already know Im in love with someone who can never love me back so i dont wanna make it obvious" "I wanna hear it, you said it yesterday" "No Patrick, its embarrassing, its really fucking humiliating" "Please babe" "No, not unless you say it back and i know you won't, Im not a fucking toy that you can use to boost your self esteem. Yesterday I wanted to say it so I did, it was embarrassing but I wanted to say it, today I just can't" "Im sorry, i just wanted to hear it"

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and pull away from Patrick "Its humiliating Patrick, it sucks when you love someone so much but you'll only ever be a toy to them. It sucks when you have to stop yourself from crying every time you see the person you love with someone else. It sucks when you'd do anything for someone but they only want you when they're bored or horny. It sucks when you're just one of many people they're with and you know you'll never be anything special for them, even when they mean everything to you. It hurts enough as it is so i can't handle telling you i love you and getting turned down"

Patrick looks really sad now so i step close to him and link my fingers through his "You know how i feel and you know I'd do anything for you, isn't that enough?" "I didn't want to upset you, i didn't think you were so embarrassed about it" "Loving someone who thinks of you as a fuck buddy will always be embarrassing, how could it not be?" "You're ashamed of me" "Im ashamed of how much of a desperate loser i am. You've told me you could never date me or have any feelings for me but i still love you and Im still willing to do anything you want"

I look up at Patrick, begging him to say something so i dont feel as stupid. Everything i said is true but i really want him to tell me he likes me and that Im not just chasing after a guy who can't stand to be around me. Even if Im just a friend or a fuck buddy at least he doesn't hate me.

"P-Patrick, Im sorry, i keep dumping my feelings on you" "I love it, i can deal with your emotion". All Patrick does is hold my hand tighter and start pulling me along so we're walking side by side again.

"I-I-I love you Patrick, I've loved you for years and I'm sorry about it. All you want is someone to be friends with benefits with but you got me, I'm sorry" "Why'd you say that? You said you didn't want to" "It's you Patrick, I can't say no to you, it's humiliating but if you know how I feel maybe you'll be nice to me" "Don't be embarrassed, it's adorable and I don't mind" "You tell your friends everything, I don't want to be laughed at. They dared you to ask me out and that's the only reason we're together. You told them I was a virgin after we had sex. I don't want you to tell them all that I'm in love with you, there's not supposed to be emotions in hooking up but I can't do that"

I hate how deep this had gotten because I'm worried about scaring him away. He knows how I feel but maybe if I don't mention it he'll ignore it and not treat me any different because of it. I don't wanna make Patrick think I'm a stupid little kid, I'm young and there's a lot of other people who want Patrick's attention so I can't waste time with Patrick.

"Pete can I ask something? I just need a quick answer. Why do you think my friends know you were a virgin?" "Sammy and Damian knew and they said you'd told them" "Are you gonna ask if I did tell them?" "I don't wanna know, it's pretty obvious but I don't wanna hear it, I'd prefer to just think that that they're psychic" "I didn't mean to. We were talking and they asked how the date went and I said we had sex. They said they all thought you were a prude and a virgin and I said you definitely weren't a prude but you were a virgin" "Why would you say that?" "I tell my friends things, Damian knows everything so I'd always tell him but me and my friends always talk about our hook ups so of course I told them, I didn't think you'd be upset" "Of course it makes me upset, you told your slutty, popular friends that I let you take my virginity, what am I supposed to feel?"

We walk through the halls until I sigh and kick at the locker next to me "I don't wanna talk about this, I want you to talk" "I have been" "But it's been about me, I don't wanna hear about myself anymore" "Then what?" "Just talk to me, I like your voice"

Easily Patrick's arm falls around my shoulders so my hand can slip into his back pocket. "What do you want me to talk about?" "Tell me a story, I don't want to have to talk anymore, I'm stressed and I just want you to talk" "I'll talk about you then, I like talking about you. Wanna hear about our first date?" "No, it was a dare and I was so awkward and lame" "Let me prove you wrong"

His thumb strokes against my shoulder and I relax more then I should when there's a high chance this is all going to be a joke and I'll be even more embarrassed.

"I asked you out because of the dare and we went for a walk because I didn't wanna do too much, I didn't know you and I lied to my parents about it so I couldn't ask for money. You were cute and small and you made me feel bad that I was a slut and that I wasn't interested in you as a boyfriend. I thought you'd call me a fuckboy when I wanted sex but you didn't and it was fucking mind blowing so even when you ruined my sheets I didn't wanna give you up. I'm pretty glad I didn't because you really are mind blowing"

With a whimper I lean up to kiss Patrick's cheek "I love you so much, you're so amazing" "You blow my mind".

We keep walking until the bell goes and I have to break away from him while people come into the hallway. "I'll text you after school" "Feel free to send me some nice pictures" "You save everything people send and you don't send anything back" "Yeah but if you do it well it won't matter" "It does, will you send them back?" "We'll see" "I won't unless you do" "I'll think about it, go to class Petey"

All through the classes I continuously check my phone but Patrick doesn't message me or send anything so I walk home, deciding he must have just given up on it. Just as I walk through the door though, I get a attack of texts so I stand in the doorway and open my messages.

_trickthefuckingdick - I said I wouldn't do this but I lied_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Show anyone this and I'll hurt you_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I've got pictures of you and I won't hesitate to use them_   
_trickthefuckingdick - You're lucky you're the hottest guy I've ever seen_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Otherwise I'd never do this for you_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Im actually a fucking private person so you better enjoy this_   
_ trickthefuckingdick sent 3 pictures _

I look down at my phone and look at the 3 pictures of Patrick's wet, naked dick. It was pretty amazing that he actually sent me them so I run upstairs and sink down on my bed to reply to him.

__emopetepanda - Fuck you're really hot_

_trickthefuckingdick - Yeah I know_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Wanna show me something now babe?_

__emopetepanda - Not really_   
__emopetepanda - Its different_

_trickthefuckingdick - Come on babe_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Send me something hot_

__emopetepanda - You have friends to send them to but I don't_   
__emopetepanda - You have friends you can laugh at them with but I don't_   
__emopetepanda - I would never send yours to anyone but I don't know about you_   
__emopetepanda - You told your friends I was a virgin so you'd send pictures of me to them_   
__emopetepanda - Im fucking scared Patrick_

_trickthefuckingdick - Are you done?_

__emopetepanda - Yeah_   
__emopetepanda - Im sorry_

_trickthefuckingdick - You don't have to do anything_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I don't care if you're too scared_   
_trickthefuckingdick - If you're scared just don't do it and I'll wait_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I wouldn't share them but it doesn't matter_

__emopetepanda - Im sorry Trick_   
__emopetepanda - Im just scared_

_trickthefuckingdick - I get it_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Can we FaceTime instead?_

__emopetepanda - Why?_

_trickthefuckingdick - I wanna see your face_   
_trickthefuckingdick - We can just talk over video instead of you having to send me pictures_

__emopetepanda - I would_   
__emopetepanda - Don't show anyone_   
__emopetepanda - Or screenshot it or anything_   
__emopetepanda - Sorry for not trusting you_

_trickthefuckingdick - I get it Pete_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I won't take pictures or do anything to hurt you_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I don't even care if we don't have sex because I just wanna see you and talk to you_

I get a FaceTime call from Patrick so I answer it and lie back on the pillows of my bed. "Hey Petey" "Hey Rick" "I don't suppose you'd think about showing me your dick now" "I thought you didn't want that" "Of course I want it, I don't mind either way but I'd thought I'd just start off by seeing if you want it too" "Don't show anyone, I don't care who it is, no screenshots and no showing your friends in any way" "I'd only show Damian i-" "No, please don't fucking show him, I wanted to be his friend and it'd ruin everything if you show him me naked" "Calm down, I'd never show him, I'd never show anyone"

Patrick looks really worried for me but I just prop my phone up at the end of my bed so Patrick can see my whole body. "I'm trusting you Patrick, I love you" "I know darling, you can see me and you know I won't hurt you"

I've never done this before but I unbutton my pants and push them down so he can see me. I can't look at him so I look at the wall across from me and start slowly jerking myself off.

"Pete look at me" "I'm sorry, I can't, I'm just too awkward" "Look at me babe, you won't regret it". I look back and moan at the sight of Patrick naked on his own bed. I didn't know Patrick was at home right now so the sight of him jerking off for me is freaking amazing.

"Fuck Tricky" "Yeah, touch yourself babe" "You're so hot" "And I'm too busy with my dick to take pictures or show anyone" "That's good, keep touching yourself"

We jerk off together, not really talking but just watching each other and listening to each others moans.

Patrick suddenly starts panting and digs his thumb into the head of his dick "Pete I'm close" "Me too" "Come with me?" "Yeah, fuck yeah"

His eyes are glued onto me so I throw my head back and come over my stomach then look back in time to see Patrick doing the same.

For a while we both just lie watching each other then I pick up the phone and crawl into bed so all Patrick sees is my head and shoulders. "We should do that another time" "We should, I never thought this would be as fun as it is" "Haven't you done it before?" "I have but watching girls finger themselves isn't as much fun as watching a hot guy jerk off and come for me, I prefer it with you"

I smile and cuddle up to my pillow while propping it up on the window sill by my bed. Patrick's moved so he's lying in bed as well, covered up to his waist by his sheets and he looks really good. He always looks good but its nice to see him curled up in bed while in an afterglow of his orgasm, the orgasm he had while watching me jerk off.

I'm tired and when I'm tired I'm a lot more confident so I'm not scared to ask him to stay. "Tricky can we just stay here for a while? I know its early but I'm really tired and I just wanna fall asleep with you" "I'll be here"

I close my eyes and listen as Patrick starts to hum softly. Before I fall asleep I murmur "I love you Patrick" then let myself fall asleep as Patrick continues to hum to me.


	19. Chapter 19

When I wake up Patrick's ended the call so I'm all alone but I still remember everything we did and how he hummed to me to help me fall asleep so it still feels amazing. I've managed to sleep all the way until 2am so I roll out of bed, get myself something to eat as a very late dinner then go back to bed to fall back asleep.

For once I don't feel like death in the morning because after sleeping for about 14 hours I'm not tired.

I walk to school early so I can sit in the corner where I usually spend my lunchtime and wait for Patrick to arrive. He doesn't get here for another half an hour when its almost time for the bell so I don't try to talk to him and just watch him talk to his friends. He doesn't look any different but I feel different so he has to feel a little bit different too.

The morning goes pretty well and I even manage to have a conversation with my lab partner in science about an anime we both watch.

At lunch I sit in the same corner as this morning and watch Patrick again. I could go over and I'd hope that after yesterday and the weekend he'd let me stay but I've had my turn with Patrick so I'll let him decide when he wants me again.

After 10 minutes of sitting there Sammy and Damian walk over and sit on either side of me so I have to stop my creepy staring at Patrick.

"Hey Pete" "Hey Damian" "Sex on FaceTime? Good job" "H-he told you?" "Yeah". Damian and Sammy seem impressed but I really didn't want anyone to know what I'd done with Patrick. Hopefully it's just Damian he told but if he told all his friends that I jerked off for him over FaceTime then told him I love him and fell asleep that'd be so embarrassing.

Quickly I get up and walk over to sit down on Patrick's lap. He seems surprised that I just came over and sat on him but he wraps his arms around my waist and gives me a kiss. "Hey" "Did you tell Damian and Sammy about what we did?" "I told Damian, I tell him everything, he probably told Sammy" "You just told him right? You didn't show him or include him in the call or something I don't know about?" "I just told him, I promised I would never show anyone and I didn't, but I'll always tell Damian everything"

Its embarrassing still because he'll tell Damian everything I ever do with him and Damian will tell Sammy about it. I really want to be friends with Sammy because he's so nice to me and he's fun to be around, plus after Patrick and Damian leave school he's all I'll have. Now I can't tell Patrick anything about wanting to be Sammy's friend or about anything wrong with me because just like when we have sex Patrick will tell Damian and Damian will tell Sammy.

"Babe you know I tell Damian everything and he tells Sammy everything. Me and Damian never keep secrets from each other and him and Sammy never keep secrets, I don't tell anyone else" "At least tell me you told them though, when they just sit down and tell me that the sex we had was hot I don't know what to think" "I'll try to remember that" "Have you told Damian everything I've told you? Like with the anxiety and how badly I want to be their friend?" "I told him about how bad your anxiety is, how long you've liked me, that you love me, that you don't have friends and that you want to be their friend" "You told them the worst bits, you can't just tell people that someone wants to be friends with them, I don't want them to pretend to be my friend out of charity"

Patrick looks annoyed at how dramatic I'm being so I just press my lips to his so he smiles instead of glaring. "Sorry Patrick, I just get in bad moods" "It's ok darling, you're allowed to be self conscious sometimes. Go back to Sammy and Damian now, they're waiting for you" "Ok, bye Patrick"

I run off and sit next to Sammy who's moved over so he can make out with Damian. When I sit down he pulls away and wraps an arm around my shoulders "Nice to see you again" "Sorry, I got scared" "It's ok, it's good that Patrick calms you down, usually he just makes me more nervous" "I like him and I trust him so he calms me down. Do you wanna hang out with me sometime? Like just us so Patrick and Damian can hang out as best friends and we can try being friends?" "Yeah that'd be cool"

I look down at my lap, super proud of myself for actually being able to ask Sammy to hang out with me. It's awkward to even ask Patrick to spend time with me so I'm surprised how easy it was with Sammy. With Sammy it's not scary to ask for something and I know he won't tell me to piss off so it's easier then Patrick. Sammy doesn't seem to have other friends except for Damian so it's not like I'm competing for his attention against lots of other people like with Patrick.

"We can hang out after school if you're not busy" "That'd be really great" "Cool, you'll have to wait an extra couple of hours before you and Patrick can have sex, hope that isn't too much to handle" "Shut up, I'm sure I'll live" "It's not you I'm worried about, your boyfriend will probably burst in screaming and ripping his pants off because he's too horny"

I elbow him gently in the side and Damian elbows him less gently on the other side. "Ok I've made a mistake, I forgot I'm in between two people who love him" "Yeah you little cunt, I'll fight you" "No you wouldn't I'm too cute" "You're lucky you are, I'd miss you too much if I killed you, who would I cuddle with at night if you died?"

Sammy leans back on Damian and I look up to see Patrick coming over and sitting down next to me. "You look traumatised by these gay shits" "Not traumatised, just lonely and jealous" "Come here, we'll make them jealous instead"

He pulls me against him and let's me enjoy his minty smell. I don't know if he chewed gum before coming or if he has some weird deodorant but it's nice and having him hold me like this feels like home.

"Trick, I'm hanging out with Sammy after school, is that ok?" "It's not my choice, it doesn't matter what I think" "But it does, I care what you think, please don't call me a slut for making friends" "You're not a slut, considering how many people I've slept with I don't think I have the right to call you anything" "Ok, please don't, I only love you and you know that so I'm not a slut"

I look over and Damian and Sammy instantly look away to try to hide the fact they're listening but I know they are. Honestly I couldn't care less because it's not a secret that I love Patrick so if they weren't lying about wanting to be my friends then they'll ignore it.

Patrick's hand on my thigh is warm and comforting so I put my hand over his while he talks "I know you're not a slut, I don't understand why you don't sleep around though. You're hot, you could sleep with other people if you wanted" "They're not you. You're always nice to me and look after me and didn't yell when I bled all over your bed and I love you, I can't sleep with anyone else"

Luckily Sammy slides his hand over to my other thigh so I can interlock our fingers together and let him squeeze my hand tightly to calm me down.

"You're allowed to, I'll let you, I'll be your fucking wingman if you need it" "No Patrick, I want you, you're the only person I want" "I can't be your boyfriend like you want" "I don't care, I want you in whatever way I can have you. I don't want you to be my wingman I want you to be my overprotective friend so you can keep me all to yourself" "I promised a girl I'd meet her and hook up, I'm really late and I should go, I promise we'll talk later"

He walks off leaving me so collapse against Sammy and let him try to untangle my hair with his fingers "That went well" "Shut up you dick, don't make me feel like shit just because you have a perfect boyfriend" "I'm not, I was just saying that that was interesting" "It was horrible" "Mildly horrible yes" "Go ahead, I know you have questions" "You fucking bled on his bed?" "I was a virgin and I didn't tell him, he wasn't exactly gentle so I made a mess, he took is surprisingly well" "You're amazing" "Shut up" "Why him? I'm sure there's a lot of guys who'd treat you right" "I love him, it's not exactly a choice, blame my heart for messing me up and making me fall in love with a slutty fuckboy"

Damian reaches over Sammy to smack the top of my head then laughs "I'm his best friend, I'm the only one allowed to call him a slutty fuckboy" "Well he calls himself it and he is one" "You're right and he might be a slutty fuckboy but he's our slutty fuckboy so we love him, except for Sammy, Sammy's a heartless bitch"

Sammy giggles and continues combing my hair "He's a dick so I'm allowed to be a heartless bitch" "You're still surrounded by two people who love him and we both have our elbows close to your ribs, don't test me" "If you bruise me then we can't have sex and you'll miss that too much" "I'll still find a way to have sex with you, you're beautiful and I'd miss it"

I look up at Sammy as he blushes and turns away from Damian to hide the smile across his face "Dams can I tell him?" "He's Patrick's fuck buddy, so no" "He won't tell, I'll make him promise not to tell" "I don't want Patrick knowing, as long as he doesn't tell you can say whatever you want to Pete"

Sammy nods and kisses Damian on the cheek before continuing his brushing of my hair "Petey I'm a virgin" "What? Damian just said he doesn't want to give up sex with you" "I've never had someone fuck me, think about it Petey" "Wha- shit, I just got it" "Don't tell Patrick, Damian would die" "If his best friend found out he bottomed? I'm sure Patrick's heard worse, I'm sure he's done much worse"

Damian groans and his he grabs onto Sammy's free hand so he can hold it tight. "No, he'd accept it but he'd constantly tease me, all my friends would tease me, I'm a fucking popular guy and I'm not supposed to get it up the ass" "You and Sammy are basically the same size so it's not like you're getting fucked by someone who's supposed to be tiny and submissive"

I feel bad now because Damian's embarrassed and Sammy looks guilty and I really want to know if I'm allowed to tell them that Patrick's bottomed before too.

They're so nice and I hate how upset they are so I decide to just tell them and hope Patrick doesn't kill me for it "If I tell you something can you not tell Patrick I told you?". Sammy nods and after a minute Damian nods with tears in his eyes, making me feel really bad that he's so scared of this.

"Patrick is hooking up with me obviously and I've managed to blackmail him into a lot of things. I made him agree to make love with me so we have stupid, cliche, romantic sex and I also made him agree to bottom for me. After I left Sammy's house yesterday I went back to Patrick and we did both of those. Patrick won't tease you but please don't tell him I told you that he bottomed for me. He means a lot to me and he's got a lot of shit he could say about me as revenge for this"

For once Sammy doesn't have a sarcastic, bitchy or comforting thing to say so we all sit in silence until Damian grabs Sammy and pulls him across his lap onto the other side of himself. Damian moves over so he's next to me and grabs my arm "Are you fucking serious?" "He'll kill me if he knows I told you" "I won't say anything, I just need to know if you're serious" "I'm serious"

He sighs and leans his head back against the wall while Sammy grumbles under his breath about how rude it is to pick up your boyfriend and fling him away onto the ground.

"You're serious? You're really really serious?" "I'm serious Damian, I'm really serious" "Patrick bottomed and he never told me? Why didn't he tell me?" "The same reason you haven't told him probably" "Should I tell him? I won't say that I know he's done it, I'll just tell him that I bottom for Sammy" "Ok, I don't want him to know I said anything" "I know you don't" "I think he'd tell you himself, if you said something about it first" "I hope he would"

Damian wipes his eyes and punches my shoulder "If you ever fucking tell anyone that I started crying I will mess you up" "I won't" "Good, I'm gonna go find that asshole I call my best friend and tell him I get it up the ass" "Good luck" "Thanks, I've been such a wimp I feel like I might actually need luck for once"

He gets up and ruffles Sammy's hair then heads off to hunt down Patrick. Sammy scoots back over and links his fingers with mine which I think is his favourite thing to do. It's probably becoming one of my favourite things too because I love platonic hand holding.

"Wanna make a bet that Damian's gonna wimp out?" "He won't, you should have more confidence in your boyfriend" "I bet he'll either wimp out or just yell it at Patrick then run away" "Ok fine, I bet he'll actually tell him properly and Patrick will tell him he bottomed for me" "Deal, it's a bet"

I shouldn't make bets because it's embarrassing to loose but I know Patrick and I hope I know Damian so I really think that they'll actually talk about it. I think I know Patrick well enough to know he'll tell Damian he's done it too if Damian says it first, I really just hope Damian doesn't wimp out.

When the bell goes Sammy walks me to dance class so I walk with him to the changing room where Patrick's waiting on a bench. He comes over and drags me into a corner when he sees me so I wave to Sammy then wrap my arms around Patrick's neck, presuming he wants to hook up.

"Hey Patrick" "You're really fucking beautiful, I'd fuck against this wall if I could but I shouldn't miss class. What did you say to Damian?" "Nothing, why?" "He came and told me he bottoms for Sammy, he'd never do that normally so I know you did something" "Why me? Maybe he just wanted to tell you" "You don't seem surprised so you already know, I know you said something to him. I've known about it for months, he's my best friend so it's obvious, I was waiting for him to get the balls to actually tell me. I won't be mad, I just wanna know what you said"

He'll definitely be mad at me but his arms slip around my waist and he starts kissing my neck so I can't help it "Did you tell him that you've bottomed too? He didn't want you to laugh at him" "Yeah I told him what we'd done, I always knew I'd tell him about bottoming if he told me he did it too" "That's good" "You told him didn't you? You said I'd done it so I wouldn't laugh, that's why he wasn't scared" "I....." "You suck, you actually fucking suck"

Despite seeming annoyed Patrick doesn't seem actually angry with me which I'm really glad about. "Are you mad? I just hated how Damian was so scared and he thought you'd make fun of him" "I'm not mad, don't do again though, secrets are secret for a reason"

There's other people coming into the room now so I push Patrick back and smile "Sorry about that. You should leave, people are looking at us weird and you're late to class"

Patrick leans down to kiss me again then waves and jogs off to get to class. He's left me out of breath, horny and desperate so I have to avoid the other sophomores stares while I change then run off, hoping for a hard work out to take my mind off it.


	20. Chapter 20

The rest of the week is super nice and I spend most of my lunches with Sammy so I really do think he's one of my closest friends, possibly my closest.

At home my parents have started fighting each other instead of constantly hating me and I can't tell if it's better or not. I try to spend as much time out of the house as possible but without telling Sammy or Patrick about it it's hard to find excuses to stay with them instead of going home. 

On Friday night they're yelling really badly and I can't handle it so I grab my school bag, with spare clothes, school books and my phone, then climb out my window and run all the way to Patrick's house. All the lights are off and I know it's really late but he's the only person I'm comfortable enough around to go to in the middle of the night. Despite that I'm such a chicken that I stand on his doorstep for a while then sink down against the wall and lie my head back.

It's been a long night and a long week so I'm too tired for this and all I can do is wrap my arms around my legs, lie my head down on my knees and let myself fall asleep. The ground is uncomfortable and I'm cold but it's better then spending another night in my house, I'll leave before Patrick wakes up and finds me here.

Sadly it's the best sleep I've had in a while so I don't wake up until I'm shaken awake by Patrick. He looks really concerned but I'm still cold and tired so I let him wrap his arms around me and carry me up to his room.

I lie on his bed and keep my eyes closed while he strips me out of my clothes then dresses me back up again in sweatpants and a hoodie. Finally when I'm in warmer clothes Patrick gets me into bed and slides in next to me so he can wrap his arms around me and hold me close. We don't usually sleep like this and I'm not used to being the little spoon but it's surprisingly nice, especially when Patrick starts humming to calm me down and help me fall asleep again.

I'm not sure how long I sleep for but when I wake up Patrick's still hugging my back and he's placing light kisses along the back of my neck. "P-Patrick?" "Yeah babe it's me, are you ok?" "I'm ok, I should probably leave" "You're not leaving until you tell me why my mother found you asleep at our front door" "I needed somewhere to sleep, I didn't wanna be at home" "Why did you sleep there? I would've let you in and let you sleep here with me" "I couldn't, I didn't wanna wake you up and force you to let me stay with you because I had nowhere else to go, I meant to leave before anyone found me"

I hate how needy I am and I hate that I'm forcing myself on Patrick but I do love it when he tights his arms around me and continues his trail of kisses. "You're not leaving, you should have just knocked on the door and woken me up, I wouldn't have cared" "But I do care, I don't wanna take advantage of you and your families kindness and I didn't wanna interrupt if you were with someone else" "I wasn't" "I didn't know that, you could have been and I would've made you leave them just to deal with my shit, I didn't want to do that"

Patrick holds me closer and rubs his hands gently against my stomach "I'll always be happy to deal with your shit, I care about you" "I'm sorry, I just couldn't" "I know, I'm sorry for making you feel like you can't come to me. I was so terrified though, I thought you were dead or something because you were just huddled up there" "I'm fine, I promise I'm fine" "You're not fine and that's obvious"

When he starts to pull away I cry out and grab at him but Patrick untangles himself from me then gets up to grab a cup from the floor "Here, my mother came with tea for you a few minutes ago, I hope it's not cold" "It's ok if it is, what kind is it?" "I have no idea, I think it's the same as you had when we went to the diner for breakfast once" "Green tea, I like green tea"

I smile up at him while he hands me the cup then perches on the side of the bed next to me "Tell me what I can do, I don't want you to be so scared of me that you have to sleep on my doorstep because you're too scared to knock on my door"

He sounds really upset and I didn't think it would make him so sad, I know I looked stupid there and it was so humiliating but I didn't think he'd be upset about it. "There's nothing you can do, it's not about you, it's just who I am" "It is about me, if I wasn't so slutty then you wouldn't worry about interrupting me when I'm with someone else" "It's not your fault, there's nothing you can do to stop me being scared. I know who you are and I knew when I fell in love with you, I'm not the only one you're with and I never will be so it's always going to be hard for me, it's nothing to do with you"

I'm almost shaking now but Patrick puts his hand over mine to help steady the mug before I spill tea on myself. All I wanted was to try to seem cool and fun and perfect around Patrick but all I do is make myself seem young and stupid.

No one else he sleeps with would be so useless and sleep in front of his house. No one else would get so attached and fall in love with someone who'd never love them back. No one else would constantly act like a loser in front of the guy they desperately want to impress.

Patrick can never love me back but I wanted to be someone fun and sexy so that he'd want to be around me and he'd ignore the fact that I'm hopelessly attached to him. I'm a depressed, anxiety ridden mess but I didn't need him to see that, I didn't need him to see how desperate and needy I am but like always I messed it up.

Despite my weak protests Patrick slides back into bed with me and holds my other hand while I keep drinking the tea. It's really nice and it's my favourite kind of tea but it makes me feel even worse. I must have freaked out Patrick's mother but she still made me tea because she knew I was upset and that I'd need it.

While his hand strokes his way along my arm Patrick watches me drink the tea then takes the empty cup from me when I'm done. "Pete I care about you, I can't promise that I'll only be with you but I can promise that I won't take anyone else here to my house. I need you to be comfortable around me so if you don't want me taking anyone else home then I won't, just tell me it'll make you feel better"

He must be kidding, he has to be kidding, there's no way he'd offer to stop hooking up with people just for me. He's not actually offering that but he's offering for some small part of himself to be mine and even though it shouldn't mean much, it's everything to me.

"P-P-Patrick" "Yeah baby?" "Are you serious? Are you serious?" "I'm serious, I'm really serious, if it'll make you feel good I won't take anyone else home" "I don't know, I don't know if I can ask you for that" "Why? I'm offering it and I want to make you feel better" "If you do this then it'll feel like one little part of you belongs to me but when you take it back and you don't want me anymore it'll hurt. I know you'll try to be nice because you are a really nice person but after a while you'll get bored or you'll think it's bullshit so you'll just take someone home and I'll loose that part of you. Every part of me is yours, if you want it then it's yours. If part of you is mine then it'll mean everything to me but that means it'll break my heart when I loose it"

I thought Patrick would think I'm crazy and maybe he does think I'm crazy but he wraps me up in his arms so all I can feel is him. "Ok Petey, I just won't have people sleep over, you're already the only person that bothers to stay and fall asleep with me so if you need me at night you know I'll be free" "Don't change things for me, I don't want to feel special" "Too bad, you already are special and it's not me that makes you special, it's you. Other people just have sex then leave, you're the only one who stays to cuddle and talk and fall asleep with me, you might not want to feel special but to me you are"

I cuddle close to Patrick and sigh "Thank you Patrick and I'm sorry for just turning up" "You're welcome to turn up any time you want, if you ever wanna talk about why you needed somewhere to sleep you can come to me" "Not right now, thank you though"

The mood is getting so tense and I'm glad when he breaks the tension by saying "I'm gonna have a shower, if you want to join me then please do"

He smirks and walks off so I'm left scrambling to get out of the cocoon of blankets. When I get to the bathroom Patrick's stripped down to his boxers and just turns to look at me "Is the door to my room locked? Go check it then you can join me"

As fast as possible I run to the door and flick the lock then run back to see Patrick stepping into the shower, now gloriously naked. I strip easily then slip into the shower next to him so he can wrap his arms around my waist and tilt the shower head towards me so the water wets my hair.

We spend time wrapped up in each other, making out and jerking each other off, under the water and everything seems perfect. This is so fucking nice and domestic and I definitely wouldn't mind doing it again. Patrick takes my mind off things so well and it's hard to be unhappy when you have a beautiful man naked in the shower in front of you.

By the time we finally turn the water off and stumble out into the bathroom, we're both soaking wet and totally satisfied which is a great feeling. We dry each other then go back to Patrick's room to find clothes and get dressed again before going to the kitchen.

It's embarrassing to have to walk in there in front of Patrick's parents after they found me on their doorstep like a needy loser but Patrick keeps his arms around me so I try to stay calm. I swear his mother is a saint because she's made me another cup of tea so while Patrick makes himself coffee I can drink my tea and avoid eye contact.

After I've finished my tea and Patrick's finished 3 cups of coffee he comes back to me and wraps both arms around my waist "I should take you home" "N-no please, can I stay a couple more minutes?" "Only if you tell me why" "M-my parents, I don't want to go home because they'll be there" "Are they hurting you? Did something happen?" "I can't go home right now, if you don't want me here then I'll walk to Sammy's"

I'm really hoping he'll let me stay so I don't have to go and beg Sammy to let me stay at his house for a few hours so I'm glad when Patrick kisses the top of my head "Ok babe, you can stay, do you need somewhere to sleep tonight?" "I don't know, I should go home but I don't want to" "You can stay if you want, no more sleeping outside, you'll always be welcome here"

I melt back against Patrick's chest and lean my head up so he can quickly kiss my lips. "I have a lot of homework so I'll stay in your room if that's ok, I won't annoy you" "I have loads too, feel free to annoy me though, homework sucks ass"

With a giggle I kiss him again then run up the stairs to his room, ignoring the fact that I can hear him talking to his parents. I don't know if his dad knows exactly what out relationship is because I think Patrick introduced me to him while I was pretending to be his boyfriend. Hopefully his dad knows we're not dating because it could be really awkward if he still thought we were.

I didn't notice before but someone must have brought my bag up when they found me by their door so I can get out my books and spend some time studying. After a while Patrick comes up and kisses me before settling on the other end of the bed to do his own work.

We spend a few hours doing our work in silence until I get bored and crawl over to wrap myself around Patrick's back. He hums and strokes my hand on his shoulder then finishes off his last equation then sets his book down "Hey babe, you doing ok?" "Yeah I've finished all my work" "Wanna do something? We can hang out" "I should go home, can you take me home?" "I can, if you want to go I'll take you" "Ok, do you mind if I come back? I might need to come back so please don't sleep with anyone else, just for tonight, I might need you"

I look at the ground to try to hide my blushing but Patrick tilts my head up and smiles "Of course, I wasn't planning to do that anyway but I'm glad you told me that. If you ever need me you can say that, I do care about you and I can hold off on sex for a day if you need me. Come on, I'll drive you home babe"

Happily I slip my hand in his back pocket while his arm goes around my shoulders and he walks me to his car so he can take me back to my broken home.


	21. Chapter 21

The next week is almost as bad as the last but even after Patrick telling me I can stay with him any time, I'm scared of going to him. I still know I'm only a hook up so even though we're friends and he cares about me, I can't convince myself to tell him what's wrong, I can't go to him even when I desperately need to get away.

I don't know if it's something about Friday's that makes my parents terrible but this Friday they fight horribly, just like last Friday, and again I have to get my bag and get ready to leave.

Just as I'm opening my window my mother walks into my room so I have to pull away and drop my bag. For a while she just yells at me, telling me I'm a failure until I wonder if I can just jump out the window even while she's here.

I slowly edge towards the window but then she says something that makes me stop right in my tracks. "You're the entire reason why we're getting a divorce"

Shakily I turn around and stare at her in disbelief "You're what?" "We're getting a divorce stupid and its all your fault" "I didn't do anything" "Maybe if we didn't have a stupid, useless son then we might not be getting divorced"

We argue back and forth for a while but I'm pretty disheartened because I never thought it'd get this bad. I knew they were fighting a lot and they've never liked me but I didn't think they'd actually split up and I definitely didn't think they'd say it was my fault.

Finally my mother sneers "Since we're splitting up I guess you'll have nowhere to go" "What?" "Don't bother coming back to this house, no one wants you and you aren't welcome here, you're not our son anymore"

I try to stop the tears but they just fall down my face as my mother leaves the room. Quickly I put as much stuff as possible into my backpack and jump out the window like I was originally intending to. 

Maybe I can spend the night at Patrick's then a night at Sammy's and maybe if I'm desperate I can even ask Damian to let me spend a night at his. That's only 3 nights but maybe I'll be able to find somewhere to stay and I can figure everything out by then.

I wipe tears off my face while I jog down the road towards Patrick's house. By the time I get there I've managed to calm down slightly and stop crying but I'm still so anxious that I end up standing in front of Patrick's house for a long time, just watching the lights.

I love him so much and all I want is to go in so I can cuddle up to him and beg him to let me stay the night but I can't. How can I go in there and make him deal with my crap? How can I go in and force him to spend time with me instead of with someone better than me?

He's so hard to read and I have no idea how he feels about me so I don't know how to do this. Sometimes me acts like I'm a fuckbuddy, sometimes he acts like I'm a friend and sometimes he acts like I'm someone he could fall in love with. I don't know if I'm actually just a fuckbuddy and he's only pretending to want to be my friend to help him get laid. I don't know if he does care for me and if he does want to be there for me in bad moments like this.

This isn't a small thing so if I go in there and tell him my parents are getting divorced and I got kicked out of home he might react badly. If I'm only a fuckbuddy to him and I tell him about my drama he'll leave me. If he's only with me for sex then he won't care about my problems, he'll kick me out and tell me to come back when I'm not so depressing. If he cares about me then I can't just go in and ask for sex to help me forget my problems because that'd just be taking advantage of him.

For another hour I stand on the sidewalk outside his house looking up and trying to build up the confidence to knock on the door or even just text him.

Finally I get too cold and just take out my phone so I can text Sammy.

__emopetepanda - Sammy?_   
__emopetepanda - Are you awake?_

_sammywinchester - Yeah I'm awake_   
_sammywinchester - Are you ok?_

__emopetepanda - Please come pick me up_   
__emopetepanda - I have nowhere to go_

_sammywinchester - Where are you?_

__emopetepanda - Outside Patrick's house_

_sammywinchester - Did he do something?_

__emopetepanda - I came to his house because I can't go home but I'm too scared_   
__emopetepanda - I can't go in there and I need you to come pick me up_   
__emopetepanda - I'm sorry_

_sammywinchester - Ill be there in 5 minutes_

I'm so grateful to Sammy that I sink down onto the curb and huddle up until he pulls up beside me and jumps out. "Petey are you ok?" He says as he walks over and puts his hand out for me to grab onto. After a second I put my hand in his and let him pull me to my feet then wrap me in a hug. "Petey you're so cold, how long have you been out here?" "An hour maybe" "You must be freezing, come on, get in the car"

I let him lead me over so I can get in the passenger seat while he sits in the drivers seat and turns up the heater. "What happened? Do you want me to take you home again? Did he kick you out?" "I can't go home, can I please stay with you tonight? I promise it'll only be one night then I'll be gone, I'm really sorry, I don't have anywhere to go"

He's definitely worried about me now but he turns the car on and drives us back to his house in silence then wraps an arm around me while he takes me to his room.

Once I've got a warmer jacket on and am wrapped in blankets on his bed with a cup of hot chocolate, Sammy starts his questions again. "Are you ok? Are you sure Patrick didn't do anything? You can tell me if he did" "Patrick didn't do anything, I haven't seen him in hours" "Why were you outside his house?" "I needed somewhere to go so I went to Patrick but when I got there I couldn't knock on the door, I was terrified" "Why did you need somewhere to go? Why didn't you text me earlier?" "I can't go home so I wanted to go to Patrick, I would have called you but I just wanted Patrick"

He wraps me in a hug and let's me enjoy his warmth "I'm sorry, I wish I knew what to say" "It's ok, I'm just glad I have you otherwise I'd still be freezing outside Patrick's house" "I'll be here if you need me, you're my friends, it's what I'm here for"

I stay in Sammy's arms for a while and eventually I pull out my phone and try to work myself up enough to text Patrick. "Petey what are you doing?" "Trying to text Patrick, I don't know what to say" "What do you want to tell him? Do you want him to come get you?" "No I don't want that, I don't wanna bother him, I just need to talk to him"

With Sammy holding me I can finally manage to send Patrick a message and hope that I'm not being annoying.

__emopetepanda - Hi_

_trickthefuckingdick - Hey babe_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Whats up?_

__emopetepanda - I don't know_   
__emopetepanda - I just wanna talk to you_

_trickthefuckingdick - Ok go ahead_

__emopetepanda - Are you at home?_

_trickthefuckingdick - Yeah_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Im home alone_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I can think of some nice things that we could do to take advantage of that_

__emopetepanda - Im at Sammy's_   
__emopetepanda - I can't sext you right now_

_trickthefuckingdick - Ignoring Sammy for me_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Thats not nice_

__emopetepanda - Im not, he's reading the messages_

_trickthefuckingdick - Shit that's awkward_

__emopetepanda - He says hi_

_trickthefuckingdick - Hi Sammy_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I would say nice talking to you but I kinda wish you weren't here_

__emopetepanda - You're mean_

_trickthefuckingdick - Yeah but you love it_

There's an awkward pause while I wait for Patrick to say something else but I finally realise he's probably waiting for me to say something and tell him why I texted

__emopetepanda - I came to your house_

_trickthefuckingdick - When?_

__emopetepanda - Half an hour ago_

_trickthefuckingdick - I've been home for hours_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Did I not answer the door?_

__emopetepanda - I didn't knock_   
__emopetepanda - I just called Sammy to pick me up_

_trickthefuckingdick - Why?_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Im home alone and I want you_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I can give you a way better time then Sammy_

__emopetepanda - Sammy says fuck you_

_trickthefuckingdick - Fuck you too Sammy_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Seriously tho_   
_trickthefuckingdick - Why didn't you come in?_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I promised no one else would spend the night and I'd love to see you_

__emopetepanda - Can I say something?_   
__emopetepanda - Can you promise not to leave me?_   
__emopetepanda - Can you promise that you won't leave me even if I'm just a fuckbuddy to you and you don't wanna deal with my problems?_

_trickthefuckingdick - You're scaring me_   
_trickthefuckingdick - I promise I won't leave and I'm ok with dealing with your problems if you need me to_

__emopetepanda - I got kicked out_   
__emopetepanda - My parents have been fighting and they're getting a divorce and they kicked me out_   
__emopetepanda - I don't know if I can go home_   
__emopetepanda - I don't know what to do and I'm sorry for unloading my problems on you but I don't have anyone else_   
__emopetepanda - Its only you and Sammy_   
__emopetepanda - Please don't leave_   
__emopetepanda - Ill sleep with you and do anything you want but please don't leave me now_

Patrick doesn't say anything else so I sob and chuck my phone across the room then bury my head in Sammy's chest. I know he was reading everything I wrote but he doesn't say anything and just holds me tight while I sob and make a horrible tear stain on his shirt.

I stay there until I run out of tears and have to sit up so Sammy can hand me a box of tissues. The doorbell goes but I don't do anything while Sammy goes to see who it is because I'm too sad to move right now. I knew it was wrong to tell Patrick so much and I know he doesn't want to hear my shit but I love him so much and I want him to know.

He's always the one I want to talk to and maybe if I open my heart to him enough he'll realise he does like me. It's stupid and impossible but I can't help hoping that maybe one day he'll realise he loves me too so I can be happy and secure and loved for once.

The door to Sammy's room opens again but I don't look up from my lap until Patrick sits down next to me and pulls me into a hug.

I should have known he'd come over here when I told him all that shit but I was hoping he wouldn't because I don't wanna hear him tell me I'm a drama queen. I don't wanna hear that I'm a fuckbuddy and I don't wanna hear that he's done with me and doesn't want to sleep with me or be my friend anymore.

Patrick's silent for a while until he finally kisses my forehead and whispers to me "Talk to me, please just talk to me" "I'm sorry Patrick, I'm so fucking sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you" "You're my fucking friend, I fucking care about you, if you go through shit then you can tell me. What have I done to make you so scared to trust me? How can I make it right?"

I start tearing up and cling onto Patrick tighter to stop him if he tries to walk off and leave me. "I'm sorry Patrick, you haven't done anything wrong" "Sammy said you waited outside my house for an hour because you were scared to come in, I don't want that. When your fucking parents are getting divorced and they kick you out of the house so you don't have anywhere to go you can come to me, I want you to come to me. Tell me what I can do to make you come to me"

Patrick's kissing my forehead and stroking my shoulder so I release him slightly and try to relax. "I don't know how to do that, it's just so hard and stressful and every time I try to do something with you my anxiety gets shit" "Come home with me darling, I want you with me" "What about Sammy?" "He'll understand, you can talk to him and tell him what's happening" "I don't want him to think I just called him so he could be with me until you got here, he's my friend" "I know, if you wanna stay here that's fine but I'm staying too and I don't know if Sammy would be too happy to have me here"

As awkward as it is I'm glad that Patrick's insisting on staying because otherwise I'd probably convince him to leave. I hate being needy so I'd probably tell him it's ok for him to leave even when all I want is for him to stay.

"I'll come home with you, Sammy will understand and I'll call him to talk tomorrow, I just wanna be with you" "Ok darling, I'll take you home with me, my parents will get home late so we can spend hours alone together, that'd be nice"

He helps me stand up and wraps an arm tight around me. We walk down the hall to find Sammy lying upside down on the couch waving his legs. "Hey Sammy, do you mind if I go with Patrick? I promise I'll call you tomorrow" "Ok Petey, stay safe and try not to get upset"

Sammy gives me a tight hug then let's me walk off with Patrick. He drives me back to his house and despite me trying to protest he picks me up in his arms and carries me all the way into his house then to his bedroom.

In Patrick's room I cuddle up in his bed and wait for Patrick to get back with cold pizza from the fridge, a can of coke for me and a can of beer for himself.

We eat and drink in silence until Patrick pulls me close and does my favourite thing by whispering in my ear "I really care about you ok? Please don't doubt that, let me make you happy tonight" "I..... I can't have sex right now, I'm sorry, can we please do something else? I know I said I'd sleep with you and do anything you wanted if you didn't leave but can I just have tonight?"

I really hope I'm not asking for too much but Patrick holds me tight and kisses me gently so I guess it must be ok. "I wasn't asking for sex babe, just because I'm a slut doesn't mean I can't tell when it's a bad time" "Can I spend the night here? Just tonight then I'll find somewhere else" "No you won't, you'll stay here until you actually have somewhere to go" "Thank you, fucking thank you. Can I ask for something else? Am I being too needy?" "Depends what it is" "Can we just hang out and be together? Can I just have one night where I can kid myself into thinking you might love me too? Can I just spend one night with you without having to worry?"

Without waiting for an answer I slide down to lie my head on his pillow. After a while of silence Patrick slides down next to me an hugs my waist tight then talks one last time "You can have tonight, we can talk as long as you want and you don't have to worry" "Can I say I love you?" "Yeah you can, I care about you and you can say anything" "I love you so so much, thank you for everything"


	22. Chapter 22

When I wake up Patrick's still in bed with me so I roll over and nuzzle my face against his neck. When he doesn't wake up I start stroking along his jawline and talk to him softly.

"Hi Patrick, you look really beautiful there and I'm so fucking happy that you let me stay the night. We didn't do much but it was nice and I feel a lot better. I don't know if I'm allowed to or if it was only for last night but I just wanna say that I love you. You've only got a few more months before you graduate so I wanna spend as much time as possible with you because I'll really miss you. I wish I could live with you until I find somewhere else but I can't so I'll just enjoy this morning and hopefully I can find somewhere to stay so I don't end up on the streets"

I look down to blink away my tears then when I look up, Patrick's propped himself up on his elbow and is staring at me. "Baby I won't let you end up on the streets" "I don't have anywhere else Patrick, I have no friends or family and I have no money, when deadbeat teenagers get kicked out of home that's where they end up" "That's bullshit, you're not a deadbeat and you're not leaving my house unless you have somewhere nice and safe to go" "I can't do that to you Patrick" "I don't give a shit, you're my friend and I fucking care about you, you're staying and that's the end, I'm not talking about this anymore"

Patrick gets out of bed and runs a hand through his messy hair then when I don't say anything else he starts undressing. We both slept in our jeans and hoodies so he has to peel the day old sweaty jeans off his body before he can get naked then come back over to kiss me "Come shower with me" "You need space, you spent all night with me so you're probably sick of me. I promise I won't run off when you're not watching" "I know you won't because I'll run the fuck after you and drag you back even if I have to do it while I'm wet and naked"

I can't help but laugh which makes Patrick kiss me again then pull back "I'm showering, come join me if you want or you can stay here. You can take whatever clothes you want if you wanna change"

As he walks off I murmur "Thank you" then wait until the water starts running before getting up and taking my clothes off. Taking his boxers seems extra creepy so I keep mine on and just take a pair of jeans and a shirt from his closet to put on before crawling back into his bed.

Patrick left the door open so I can see the back of him while he showers. I spend some time watching the muscles in his back flex and relax until he turns off the shower, dries himself off and comes back to perch on the bed beside me. "You didn't join me, that was disappointing" "I thought you'd need space, I was giving you space" "I don't need space from you and you don't need space right now, get me some clothes"

It seems like he's just trying to make me happy but I take the offering and pick some loose jeans and a hoodie for him because he looks really good in them.

For a while Patrick lies on his bed on his back so I can lie next to him and slowly make out with him. It's weird because it's so intimate but Patrick doesn't seem awkward or freaked out by it so I just enjoy it. I don't get a lot of moments like this so I should take advantage of them now even though they'll only fuel my hopeless dreams and leave me heartbroken.

He's only doing this to make me happy, he's not in love with me, so doing things like this that make me fall even deeper in love with him will only hurt me. It feels so fucking nice though so I just enjoy the moment and try to remember that none of this is real.

When I do break away Patrick sits up and wraps an arm around me "Come on, we should go do something" "What will we do?" "We can go to the river, it's Damian and Sammy's place but I go there sometimes when I need some time by myself, I wanna go there with you again"

Happily I nod and let him pull me up. It's a pretty short drive to get there and as soon as we're both out of the car Patrick pushes me up against the door and kisses me hard. I wrap my arms around him tight and pull him against my body so I'm pinned between the car and Patrick.

"Fuck baby come on, I wanna get wet and naked with you" "You're so fucking hot Patrick" "Yeah, fuck I love being with you" "I'm your favourite?" "Fuck yeah, I don't know why I brother with girls sometimes, I'm so fucking gay" "You think about me when you're with them?" "I do, when I'm with girls I'm thinking about how good it'd be with you but when I'm with you I'm just thinking how fucking amazing it is"

He pulls my shirt over my head then his shirt and both our pants follow. Patrick raises his eyebrow to ask if I'm ok with him taking off my boxers but I shake my head so he pulls back and kisses me again.

It rakes some time but we manage to get to the water and jump in without letting go of each other. We spend a long time just kissing but eventually Patrick's hand slides down the front of my boxers and takes ahold of me. I copy his moves and we jerk each other off slowly while Patrick walks us back towards the middle of the river where it's deeper.

Everything's going so perfectly until my foot catches on a rock and my ankle twists painfully. I break away from Patrick to scream and cling onto him tightly as my ankle throbs with pain.

"Pete are you ok?" "No, my ankle really fucking hurts, I think I twisted it" "Are you ok? Can you walk?" "No it fucking hurts asshole"

I'm being a really big bitch but Patrick picks me up in his arms and helps me get back on the bank so I can clutch my ankle. It's really hurting and it's starting to go red and swollen so I groan in annoyance. "Patrick I think I should go to an emergency room, they probably need to bandage it or something" "Is it broken?" "Just twisted I think, maybe sprained" "Come on, I'll help you walk"

This isn't how I wanted today to go because this is all so humiliating. He's offered to let me stay with him and he's been so perfect but I just fucked everything up. Patrick brought me here so I could have sex with him in the river and I could show him I deserve to stay but of course I injured myself. I just want to impress Patrick and make him happy but I just ruin everything he tries to do.

Carefully Patrick helps me to my feet and basically drags me back to the car and gets me in the passenger seat. I spend the whole drive clutching at my ankle and trying not to complain and annoy Patrick so I'm glad when we get there. We're both still only in boxers and soaking wet but I don't think I can put any proper clothes on right now so I let Patrick carry me inside.

The nurse barely even looks up when we come in and I guess since its a 24 hour emergency room she's seen a lot worse. 2 wet half naked teenage boys limping in is probably weird but I doubt it's the worst thing she'll see today.

Luckily my ankles only twisted so I get it bandaged up and while the nurse goes to find me some more gauze and pain meds to take home Patrick hugs me tight. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean for you to get hurt" "No I'm sorry Patrick, this was supposed to be fun and sexy" "It's still pretty sexy and it just means you'll be trapped in my bed for the next week and you'll be all at my mercy" "I'm terrified" "Oh yeah I'm terrifying"

He growls at me then laughs and wraps an arm around my shoulders "I'm glad you're ok" "Yeah it could have been a lot worse, sorry for being a baby" "You weren't, you were really good about it, I was so panicked and I had no idea what I was doing" "I could tell, you were just sitting there asking if I was ok and looking like you wanted to run off" "I wouldn't do that but I was considering calling an ambulance because I thought you were dying or something"

I cuddle into his side and sigh as he kisses the top of my head "Pete can I tell you something?" "Yeah sure" "Promise you won't tell me to piss off or make fun of me or be an asshole?" "I promise, I've told you a lot of shit so I won't go anywhere. You're letting me stay in your fucking house so I don't have any right to laugh at you. You stayed when I said I was in love with you and had been basically stalking you for years so I doubt anything you say is worse than that"

He bites his lip and I feel his hot short breaths on my neck before he stutters out "I..... I think..... I think I'm in love with you". I have absolutely nothing to say so I don't talk while the nurse comes and hands me the supplies and instructs me on what to do to help it heal. She says I can stay for a few minutes if I want so I take a pill then sit back and think.

I don't know if Patrick's serious and I really doubt he is because this is such a weird time to confess something like that. It's probably just the adrenalin or something and he'll probably tell me it was all a joke but it makes me feel good to hear it. My hearts racing and I can't help thinking that maybe I do have a chance with Patrick, maybe we can be something.

"P-Patrick?" "Don't say anything, don't say anything, just don't" "Why? I need to say something, I have to" "No I don't wanna hear it, just forget I said it and we'll be the same as we always have been" "What if I wanna say something? What if I don't wanna forget it" "Don't Pete" "Do you mean it? Is it a joke? Just tell me it was some stupid adrenaline filled joke so I can make my heart stop racing"

He holds me tighter and sighs "I wish it was a joke Petey, I really fucking wish I was joking" "You love me? You mean it?" "I do, I'm supposed to be some big slutty fuckboy but I've fallen in love with a sophomore with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. It's humiliating but true, I've fallen in love with you loser and I hate myself for it but all I can think about is how cute our babies would be"

That makes me laugh which seems to calm Patrick down a bit even though I'm still a nervous sweaty mess. He's told me he could never fall in love with me and we could never had a relationship so I don't know if I should believe him. I told Sammy that if he ever did this I'd have no choice but to say yes because there's a chance he's telling the truth but I'm scared.

"So Petey, wanna be my first ever boyfriend?" "You're really not kidding?" "No we've been over this stupid, I wanna take you on dates and have your babies" "Maybe we should start with the dates and considering neither of us has a uterus the whole babies thing might be a challenge" "Well then I guess we'll be starting with the dates, we can think about the babies later"

For a long time we stay wrapped in each other's arms until a man comes in with a real broken arm and his screams make us both decide to leave.

In the car Patrick holds my hand the whole way back to his house and he plans out a lot of ridiculous ways to tell his friends that he's got a boyfriend. It all feels like a dream but when we get to his house he tells his mother that we're dating so I know this is all real.

I never thought I'd be special enough to make Patrick want a relationship with me but maybe I am. He's spent his whole life not wanting anything more than a fuck buddy but he wants more with me, I actually mean something to him and it's amazing.

I really love Patrick and he loves me back so I'm going to be really really happy now. I'm going to be staying with him until I find somewhere to go and that'll be really amazing. I've never had a proper family but Patrick's family is all so nice and now we don't have to lie to his grandparents. I can walk around and be open about loving Patrick because I know he loves me too. This is probably the happiest I've ever been in my life so for once I'm super excited for the future, my future with Patrick.


End file.
